Home Invites Members Groups Events Careers Videos News Photos Blogs Polls Singles Forums Chat
Home > Blogs > Post Content

Marriage & the Black Community (3700 hits)


I recently read an article in Black College Wire where a Howard student talked about unprotected s*x being the new symbol of commitment in a relationship. I'm not necessarily glad to see that trend, but I can't argue that it's not real.

That brings up a new question... what role does marriage play in the modern Black family? Do we still have a reasonable expectation of "in sickness and health, until death do us part"?

Reality does set in... sometimes personalities clash, problems arise, or people simply grow apart. But do we really give marriage the respect it deserves? Or, on the other hand, do we respect it too much, believing that we must have everything right in our lives before making the leap?

Or, is the crisis with Black marriage the fact that we are willing to get into relationships with people that we don't consider "marriage material"?

Most of us reading this grew up seeing marriages that worked, whether it was our parents, grandparents, relatives, neighbors, or friends. My grandparents on both sides had a loving relationship for over 40 years until they passed away. Are we raising the first generation of young people in which strong marriages in our community will be the exception and not the rule?
Posted By: Jon C.
Monday, October 6th 2008 at 11:47AM
You can also click here to view all posts by this author...

Report obscenity | post comment
Share |
Please Login To Post Comments...
Email:
Password:

 
That's what I will teach my son when he's old enough to understand it. Though our personalities clash (wife), I try to maintain a strong household. I'm a moderately ambitious guy willing to strike out and try new things and she's set in her ways. Sometimes this is a problem, especially when it comes to the kids. But you have to teach them that problems are opportunities to grow from and persevere through.
Monday, October 6th 2008 at 11:58AM
Allow me to go out on a limb, because that’s where fruit grow. Most people are getting married for the wrong reasons. I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you, is not a reason to get married. Very few people, I think, know what love is anyway and that why the divorce rate is so high. Marriage is hard work just like anything else. We work hard so that we have the finer things in life, why not do the same for your marriage and family. For example, if I want a college degree, I must take a few tests. Just because I fail one or two test, doesn’t mean I quit school. I acknowledge my failure and try not to repeat the same. Older people married for companionship and grew to love their spouse. I think today’s society has it backwards? Then again, I could be wrong.
Monday, October 6th 2008 at 12:20PM
Eric Gross
my parents were born in 1919 and 1926 and were 1st generation from slavery, or in other words, some of my grandparents wer in fact slaves. I say this because I have a phot of my mother's parents circa the 1960's celbrating 50 years of marriage, yet between my parents they were married 7 times (mother 3, father 4). They both seen strong long lating marriages of their parents, but couldn't have a lasting one of their own. Like both IJ and EG both stated marriage will present opportunities for success and failure based upon how a situation is handled by the two involved. Would have said the man and woman involved but that would limit this discussion, and man to man and woman to woman marriages have enough right to face the same situations as the more traditional married couple. Unprotected s*x is in fact a way to tell another that I WOULD DIE FOR YOU and literally mean it, so if a person is that committed to put thier life on the line for another, then maybe marriage isn't such a bad idea.
Monday, October 6th 2008 at 12:45PM
GREGORY GULLEY
Marriage is a committment. and to say that having unprotected s*x with someone you're not committed to isn't saying a whole lot. Marriage is for companionship, love, and even.... s*x! (who'da thunk it?) and since our society as a whole has a blaze' atitude toward the idea of men and women committing to each other, why be surprised that we have GENERATIONS of children that don't think that committment is good?
Monday, October 6th 2008 at 1:51PM
r.e jones
i believe that the family stays together when the male has religious beliefs that are true to the family. when the male can own his own business and create a small or large income to add to his current income, then he can gain more confidence in his financial goals also. limited finances from a job causes many problems in the home today and lots of separations.

we all must gain control of our own income, and always budget accordingly.
Monday, October 6th 2008 at 5:39PM
stephen futado
I think the trend we are seeing is a reflection of what's accepted as normal in 'HollyWood'. Young people are defining what relationships are by what they see and hear coming from mainstream media and Hollywood. Case in point, Oprah and Halle as much as I love them, I think marriage should be of up most priority rather than down playing it because it didn't work out for them. People are watching and more importantly our children are taking note.
Monday, October 6th 2008 at 5:42PM
Jen Fad
I total agree Jen. Cut off the TV parents. :-)
Monday, October 6th 2008 at 5:47PM
Eric Gross
Grandma said, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Her words are just as relevant today. The Black community has spawned a generation of 'milk drinkers,' without the commitment or attention span necessary to make a marriage work. I think we have to talk to our children about the difference between serial monogamy and marriage. Unprotected s*x is not a symbol of commitment. Nice people get (and pass) diseases and disorders for which there are no cures. You have to ask young people, "Is this the person that you are willing to accept the possibility of contracting a life-long disease from?" "Are you certain that this person feels the same way you do?" If the answers are yes, then they need to move towards marriage. If not, then they need to stop and reevaluate the situation before digging themselves in deeper.
Monday, October 6th 2008 at 6:29PM
Dr. S. Maxwell Hines
There are a couple of questions here: "What is the meaning of unprotected s*x in a relationship?" and "What role does marriage play in the modern Black family?"

To the first question, my response is this: Unprotected recreational s*x is foolish. there are two risks -- pregnancy, and disease. Both are unacceptable risks that lead to poor options and bad consequences. This type of activity won't lead to a lasting commitment or a happy marriage.

The role of "marriage" is the same as it has always been for societies all over the planet. It is the foundation for responsibility, raising children, and building communities. The fundamental responsitibility in a marriage is the expectation of raising children and heading a family. The standards that families embrace form the foundations for communities. Then these standards provide the boundaries of acceptable conduct for future marriages and families. When these norms are confused, abused, or lost, then the community begins to fall apart. What we are witnessing in Black communities is the disintegration of families, and thus the glue that sets the norms forthe community loses its grip. Successful marriages gain strength from the community in which they exist. Without a strong community, and others who share the values, marriages are at risk.

The genesis of this question starts with s*xual activity as an accepted norm among consenting adults (and chlldren). So the first norm for families in the community is destroyed. When our parents and grandparents were heading up our communities and families, the standard was that it was taboo to have s*xual relationships outside of marriage. The "special bond" of unprotected s*x occured within the marriage relationship with the prayer and hope for children. Marriage was a "union" that accepted the challenges of two people discovering what it takes for a relationship to succed in maintaining the community standards and passing those standards along to our children. If there is no "community standard" that is accepted by each partner in the marriage, then the basis for constant conflict is established. There is no way to adjudicate differences. My opinion is as good as yours. And if we don't agree, then we divorce.

What we have today is chaos in relationships. Therefore, we have chaos in our marriages. There are no norms or standards that help resolve differences of opinions between couples, so marriages are fragile, and exist from one argument to the next. Throw in the reality of "blended families" because of so many out of wedlock births, and the stress is multiplied with the extra baggage of "baby daddies" and "baby mammas" from previous reationships. What you have is a relationship resting on eggshells. As the old fable suggests, there is no way to put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

I am enjoying the blessing of 42 years of marriage, with two children, and now 2 grandchildren. There are fewer and fewer marriages like ours. My observation is that what is missing is the community standard for young adults to aspire to. They have either ignored or were not taught what their parents and grandparents embraced. The danger is that marriage has lost its meaning and value. There must be a new standard for this new generation. But it must be built with some of the bricks from the old foundation.


Tuesday, October 7th 2008 at 2:33AM
Roger E Madison Jr
Unprotected s*x (s*x period) between unmarried people is sin plain and simple. And the notion that I love you enough to have unprotected s*x with you IMO is both foolish and fleeting. I found in my younger years that most guys would ask me to have unprotected s*x because "it felt better" or "the c*ndom takes away the feeling". I now see there's a whole new spin on it. I think it's game whether it's her asking him or him asking her. And I see the game hasn't CHANGED, but it HAS EVOLVED.

And there's not enough recognition recognition for what marriage IS. Marriage is a COVENANT...a commitment. Marriage is "I'm with you through it all and even though..." My paternal grandparents were married for over 60 years and my maternal grandparents for at least 20. My grandmother was married once before that for at least a decade. These are people and generations who knew what commitment to covenant means. My mother has been married for 17 years now. And my mother is a ROCK, Honey. She GETS what that commitment means and she had some excellent examples herself.

And I attribute it all to having a healthy heart for God and things of God. Marriage is sanctity and a healthy one, rooted and grounded in God, is sanity.

And DR. HINES, I'm with you. My grandmother used to say the same thing. That's why I'd tell men, "I won't live like your wife and not BE her." I meant it, too. I'm married NOW, but I had to get some folk told thinking they were gonna lay up with me, use me up, break me down and move on. "Not I," said this cat. The only one who can use me with MY PERMISSION is GOD. Period.

And where are our STANDARDS? It seems the more days come, the more we see people just settling for any old thing. We don't values ourselves anymore (as people in general). We don't encourage and demand true love, true respect, true consideration, true ANYTHING. We're moved more these days by WORDS than we are by the MANIFESTATION of those words. It's enough these days for women to just be TOLD they're beautiful...even if he calling you out your name and treating as anything but a gem. It's enough for men to be told that she'd be with him even if he didn't have a lot of money or drove a nice car...even if every time you turn around, she's asking you for something or DEMANDING that you come out of pocket to keep and maintain her. Ladies, some of us treat ourselves as if we're tricks, willing to treat for even a Happy Meal or a meal after the club at IHOP. Some of us have pimped OURSELVES out. And I'm talking to men, too.

The question is, "How do we change it?" Hmmm...as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. My husband and I are teaching our daughters their worth so that they won't allow themselves to be defined by anyone, let alone someone with self-serving intentions. We're teaching them to love God first because there's no greater example of love THAN God. We're teaching them to set goals and attain them. We're teaching them to have standards that they are unapologetic for. My husband opens doors (including the car door), gets up when I go to the ladies room, says 'please' and 'thank you' and does as much as he can do to SHOW he values what he has. And I DO return the honor.

We need to get back to our roots...truly.

Blessings...
Tuesday, October 7th 2008 at 12:44PM
Dee Gray
..."I am enjoying the blessing of 42 years of marriage, with two children, and now 2 grandchildren..."

Wow!! I can only pray that I will have this wonder testimony of longevity in my marriage. God bless you Bro. Roger.
Tuesday, October 7th 2008 at 2:14PM
Jen Fad
I grew up in a family where the marriages did not work. I learned alot about marriage from that, and perhaps that's why my marriage has lasted as long as it has. (17 years on Valentine's Day '09)
I learned first hand that people have baggage when they enter into a relationship. Some baggage consists of children from a previous relationship, habits formed throughout life, beliefs, attitudes, oppinions about a wide range of issues.
The fact remains that marriage is a process of two becoming one. Many chalk that up to reproduction, others understand that it consists of much more than that. It is a process of making sacrifices, communicating through speaking AS WELL AS listening intentively, compromise, and above all, a willingness to be vulnerable and carefull with the other person.
Money, fame, fortune, friends, jobs, homes, cars....can be gone in the blink of an eye. (Due to death, tragedy, natural disaster, new government, etc...) Do not be so naive as to build your house on such a foundation! Illness comes in many forms. Physical, mental, phsycological, emotional, substantial...but do you have a compassion for that person? Are you willing and able to walk with them, through it?
Marriage requires agape love. God's love. Unconditional love. Why else would the contract state, "for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others (even when their advice and intentions are admirable), till death"?
Put another way, how would you know what real happiness is, if you had never been sad a day in your life? How would you know what friendships would last and which ones wouldn't if you never had a "falling out" before. How would you learn what hot is, if you've never been burned? How do you know if your marriage can defy the statistics, if you aren't willing to give everything you have to make it work, even if it means loosing family, friends, or other "fish in the sea"?
What are you willing to risk and loose to gain a partner for life? One, single, solitary person who knows you, really knows you, sometimes even better than you know yourself. A person that you can lean on as well as support. Someone who you trust not to treat you as the world treats you. A companion, confidant, partner, friend, lover, and all the other things a human being needs and craves and desires to be and have.
Sorry this is so long. Great topic though! Thank you for posting.
Friday, October 10th 2008 at 12:03PM
Lesley Knight
Lesley, I agree with all but one thing. I NEVER refer to children as "baggage". I do not believe that they are baggage because they are not yours or his together. My husband has never, would never and has never allowed anyone to say or suggest that his non-biological daughter is not his. He doesn't care that their DNA doesn't match. If you try and tell him he's LESS her daddy than our baby girl, he will fight you. He's serious about that. And I praise God for that in him. Everything ELSE is baggage...children are people..and blessings. (I'm not saying YOU'RE saying they're NOT blessings because I know you know they are. I'm just saying "baggage" to describe 'inheriting' sotospeak children from another's previous relationship is inappropriate and potentially damaging to the children if they ever heard themselves described as such).

Blessings...
Friday, October 10th 2008 at 12:49PM
Dee Gray
I agree with Dee. I'm in the same position as your husband, Dee. I have a daughter that's not mine biologically but I'm still responsible for her upbringing. Recently...I am not going to lie...she has REEAALLY been testing my patience with her lack of initiative, cleanliness and LYING, but I have to remember that this is just a child and she will learn through my example.
Friday, October 10th 2008 at 1:09PM
Perhaps "baggage" was a poor word to use. I sincerely appologize for my indiscretion. What I meant by using the word was that they come with the person. It is not something they can pawn or sell, it is a part of them. They are taught and trained often without us having to be present in the moment. Mind you, people have come into a relationship where children are degraded, insulted, and abused.
Children are also not a reason to stay in a relationship, whether abusive or not. I don't think I could have forgiven my mother had she stayed with her second husband, who threw me across a room for crying! Who left me in dirty diapers while my mother went to school and worked 3 jobs. Children are, however painful it is to hear, not as important (though equally as valuable) as the marriage relationship, because...when they grow up and move out to have lives and families of their own, the marriage between you and your spouse remains. If the relationship is built around the children, the relationship usually leaves when the children do. The two partners no longer have anything in common for not having ever kept their relationship separate and sacred. Do you know what I'm saying?
Besides, children are resilient! God says, "Out of the mouth of babes, thou hast perfected praise." They won't die if we spank them for doing wrong, but can if we beat them. Calling them baggage was wrong of me, but I think of it as no more and no less than calling them "gifts". I assume that had I used the term "gifts" to highlight things such as addictions, I would have been reprimanded as well. Let us not contend about words, for they are unprofitable and vain. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. I will pay closer attention to my words! It blesses me to hear that your husband cares so much for your children! He is to be commended! Much Blessings!
Friday, October 10th 2008 at 1:43PM
Lesley Knight
Let me start by saying that I grew up in a family that was made up of women... My mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, great-aunts and aunts of the ones that had a regular role in my life none of them were married so I didn't see marriages at all let alone those that worked even in the community. It wasn't until I got older that I saw marriages and for the most part they were all for the wrong reasons, let's just say that my family has a cycle of violence that runs deep.
There is a lot of emotional healing that needs to go on there but that's another story entirely.
I've watched my grandmother be married to a man who somewhat isolates her from her family, in her eyes marriage is the most important thing which brings me to my next point.
I'm 35 I have an aunt who's 36 we grew up more like sisters and I've watched her marry for the 3rd time 2 of those marriages were abusive relationships and she married merely out of wanting her moms approval not because she was happy and necessarily wanted to be with the man. I have another aunt early 40's who's been married 2 times for the same reason. I have 2 younger cousins married to men they don't love because they wanted an escape from home. I use to look at the women in my family especially the ones who I grew up with like the aunt who is more like a sister and my 2 cousins and think... "Wow I'm the only one who is not married and I'm the oldest. Will marriage ever happen for me"? I envied that and I'm not ashamed to say it, but you know what... that was at a time when I didn't know my self-worth or have love for me.
Now every time I speak to my grandmother her main concern/question is "When are you going to get married?"
To that I answer marriage isn't something to be taken lightly and I will marry when God sends a man into my life who He has just for me. Her reply is "You can't keep living in sin and expect God to bless you". Now I understand that completely but at the same time in my mind I would be living in just as much sin if I entered into a union of convenience for financial or other reasons or perhaps even married one of those individuals she felt I should have who was abusive and devalued me.
Sorry I've gotten off track a little but I think I needed to say a few things to bring me to my point which is that I don't think marriages lasted longer or were more respected back in the day I think that women were just passive and taught to make things work even in situations where they were being disrespect, walked over and abused among other things. It is my belief that because of what our people especially women endured during slavery, watching their husbands and sons being killed which left them no choice but to be the backbone of the family that it was learned behavior to keep the family together no matter what even if there was no love there.
Today what I see is that so many people don't communicate... they take the leap of marriage not knowing what the others values, idea of family, commitment or life in general are about which leads to disagreements and other situations that could have been avoided had they taken the time to get to know one another by talking about life before they got married.
Loving someone is a reason to get married in my mind the main reason. Marriage isn't supposed to be a union for financial reasons, simple companionship or a showcase. Marriage is supposed to be a union built off of trust, honesty, faithfulness, love and communication to name a few. Getting married for the wrong reasons can only end in divorce or disaster.
I'm not married have never been married but when I do take that step I will go into it with my eyes wide open having talked to God. I say to anyone considering marriage...
If you when you think of that person what they bring to your life emotionally and otherwise, you enjoy the communication and know even in times that aren't so great things will work out because the 2 of you work well together and you say to yourself "I don't want to live the rest of my life without them" ...
then go ahead do it.
On the other hand if you think about this person have more bad memories than good, you can't communicate because you aren't being heard or respected, they don't uplift and edify your life, when times are bad they're really (maybe not all these things and not to this extent but you get my drift) and say to yourself "I think I can try to live the rest of my life with this person"...
then maybe that's not the person you should be considering making a lifetime commitment to.
I apologize for the lengthiness.


Friday, October 10th 2008 at 3:20PM
TaNisha Gray Juisee Da Queen
Yes, ma'am, my husband does care much for "our" children. Your stepfather sounds like he was quite a character. Goodness. And good riddance. I'm really thinking about a certain point you made and I'm not sure I agree that the marital relationship is necessarily more "important" per se. The relationship we have with our children as parents and the relationship we have with each other as husband and wife are equally important, though priortized differently based on parents being in a covenanted relationship (married). There IS a hierarchy, but I don't think it's based on level of importance because they are two very distinct different KINDS of relationships, INTERdependent on each other.

Biblically speaking, my husband comes after God and he is to love me as Christ loved the church (Ephesians Chapter 5) because Christ's priority after loving and obeying God was the church as well. So, yes, we are each other's number one priorities because we are linked by way of covenant and become ONE flesh (also Ephesians 5). That said, becoming ONE FLESH then means that we are one UNIT...no him and me, but ONE. If truly operating in the oneness that God intends and ordains, there shouldn't even be a question of importance. The order of things is clear, so on that we agree (God, Husband/Wife, Children...) ******** I just don't believe that order necessarily dictates which is more 'important' OR maybe my whole assertion IS saying that it's the most important because how in keeping with God's will the marriage covenant operates dictates greatly how the parent to child relationship will operate. Hmmm...

And yes, children grow up and have their own lives, but are they less our children? I'm in my 30s, but am I less God's child because I am an adult? And I hear what you're saying about the 'relationship being built around the children'. Having read that, i now understand your perspective.

But do you not agree that no relationship should be built around a husband or wife or children? All relationships should start with loving, honoring and obeying God, which teaches us both with word scriptures and the illustrations in those scriptures about how to allow the healthy covenant relationship (where God is first) to nurture and manage both the marriage and the parenting relationships without one suffering or being considered of 'less importance' than the other? The covenant of ONE is what gives usherance to raising children with God's intentions in mind. And my eyebrows always go up when I hear someone classify one as more important than the other because children cannot advocate for themselves and when God gifts them to us, they are a huge undertaking (which I'm sure you know being a mother yourself).

Aside from that, our children's successes or failures, especially in their formidable years, greatly depend on us operating in that marriage covenant. What I'm saying is that our children learn what to do and what not to do from us...from hearing, listening to and WATCHING us. That's where that interdepedency comes in and why it's not a matter of which relationship is more important. I think that view could be a part of the reason that many marriages go through hell when there are children involved (especially where biology is a factor) because there are times when either party is asked, usually over something trivial, "Which one of us is more important?" And in that sense, I've seen many people draw the line in the sand and say, "Choose." And that's something that should never happen and happens sometimes because the tone of the covenant is not Godly. I mean seriously, if God really ordained the marriage, He can and will guide married people with children through what and how to do and attain certain goals regarding the success of the family unit. To me, they're equally important in totally different ways because the relationship between husband and wife is not anything like a relationship between parent and child. Different requirements. Not less important ones.

And I guess the bottom line of what I'm saying is that yes, the successful enaction of the marriage covenant IS the priority because the standard it sets is catalystic to the parenting relationship. (My problem with classifying one as more important than the other is when conversations or arguments like the one I gave in the example are had).

In many ways, it sounds like we agree (and most times, we do). And I'm curious, what does this mean: "Calling them baggage was wrong of me, but I think of it as no more and no less than calling them "gifts". " I hope that's not true.

Of course in these times, when children are born to "baby mamas" and many times, there is no covenant, it's hard to tell what's what, but that's a totally different blog and like comparing apples to oranges.

Anyway, Lesley, it's always great dialoguing with you. You make me think and you make me feel and want to understand more. So thank you. ;-)

Blessings...
Friday, October 10th 2008 at 3:40PM
Dee Gray
Dee, thank you, too! You make me think as well. I only wanted to clarify that though I said "important", I also included in parenthesis that they were NO LESS VALUABLE than the marriage relationship. The confusing quote between baggage and gifts is simply that no one word encompasses the subject at hand. The topic is about marriage, children sometimes are and sometimes aren't a part of that. In the marriage covenant you vow and promise to abide by the terms of the contract, specifically the "sickness, poor, and worse" parts. Children, by their very nature, can try our patience like any marriage. What a shame that a marriage can be thrown away like an old rag. Not so with children. So in many respects children are easier to forgive.
Your comment about "choose" brought back some memories for me. I was 13 when told to choose between my mother and grandmother. It wasn't right, and I am struggling with my relationship with my mother because of it. I only saw my grandmother 4 times from 13 to 32 years of age when she passed away. Pray my heart will soften toward her, please.
I too enjoy our bantering back and forth. It feels like excercise! Not the kind that hurts though, or makes one tired. I learn alot from you, and feel that you and I are cut from the same cloth (so-to-speak). I love you, and respect your wisdom, and SO enjoy your company! Daddy says, with all your getting (wisdom) get understanding. Thanks for being a place for me to get understanding! And wisdom! Be blessed, because you are a blessing to me!
Friday, October 10th 2008 at 4:43PM
Lesley Knight
Lesley, aw!!! You brought tears to my eyes! (Seriously). You're such a blessing because you receive without offense, which is great. There's no need to be defensive when no one's attacking you, right? I'm so blessed that that message is not lost on you. Your spirit is so humble and open. I dig that about you and that's something I'm working on (the open part really). And I spoke so passionately about the "choose" thing because I've been subjected to it myself once upon a time and it was very hurtful and unfair because children do not deserve to be placed in the middle of adult turmoil. I will pray your hearten soften towards her. Sometimes, we know WHAT to do but the HOW to do that thing are lost on us harder to come by.

I get plenty from you, too. Trust that. Daddy is smiling right now. I feel it. (giggle) ;-)

Blessings...
Friday, October 10th 2008 at 4:52PM
Dee Gray
I thank all of you for your testimonies about wonderful, long-lasting marriages. They are few and far between these days. I know plenty about bad marriages and I thank God that I am in a good one. How do we help people to experience all the richness that a good marriage can bring to your life?
Sunday, October 12th 2008 at 12:49AM
Dr. S. Maxwell Hines
Doc, how do we help people to experience all the richness that a good marriage can bring to your life, or their life?
I think it requires
that we love them,
with the same love,
that we learned to love with.
You know the scripture, "For God so love the world..." He first loved us to give us life. He commanded us to love others as ourselves. I can only be loved if I allow it. I can only love others if I choose to do it. I can only love the way I've learned how to love. I must be willing to learn love from others as well. GB
Tuesday, October 14th 2008 at 5:03PM
Lesley Knight

Family Relations outside of Marriage is an Abomination and a prescription for failure....

..The African History in America from 1619-1865 of rape, torture and NO FAMILY is unfortunately

African American History of Marriage....that paganChristian period was not Family or Humanity

..2020 should evolve into a True Historical AfricanAsian Family before American rape....


Friday, September 11th 2020 at 8:32AM
robert powell
These are to good questions:

1. What role does marriage play in the modern Black family?

2. Do we still have a reasonable expectation of "in sickness and health, until death do us part"?


Friday, September 11th 2020 at 12:48PM
Deacon Ron Gray
It is interesting that this question is receiving some interest again. My answer hasn't changed (see above). Marriage hasn't changed. Our society has changed significantly, along with the changing dynamics of the Black family.

I read a study recently that 65% of Black children are living in single-parent families headed by women. This suggests to me that marriage is not a dominant element in Black family structures. This is compared to 34% of the total population. One may conclude that marriage doesn't play a large role in the modern Black family.
Friday, September 11th 2020 at 2:24PM
Roger E Madison Jr
Wow!!! I did not know that 65% of Black children are living in single-parent families headed by women. That means that the Young Black Man has stop hearing and obeying the words The Most High God.


Friday, September 11th 2020 at 10:35PM
Deacon Ron Gray

Marriage & the Black Community

SUBJECT

".... unprotected s*x being the new symbol of commitment in a relationship..."

Posted By: Jon C.
Monday, October 6th 2008 at 11:47AM
You can also click here to view all posts by this author...

****************************************************************************************************

2008-2020..US-USA has experienced the Great USA Family of President Baraka Hussein Obama

...Summer of 2020 is..Protest against SYSTEMIC Generational ills to/of African American Life

Prison/jail time is the leader of JonC-unprotected 'blackBleak' ...relations since 2008...

....Unfortunately a norm for many 'blacks'

**********************************************************************************************************

"...One may conclude that marriage doesn't play a large role in the modern Black family..."

Friday, September 11th 2020 at 2:24PM
Roger E Madison Jr

**********************************************************************************************************

We African American Families MAY in 2020....write, believe and Think....

1) Marriage and Family NEVER played a role in the christianEra of Slavery-Monstrosities of, to 'blacks'

2) Marriage and Family has to be a Learned Thought

3) Marriage and Family has to be a Disciplined Thought

4) Marriage and Family has to be a Human RESPONSIBILTY; learned, disciplined Thought.

5) African American 2020 Family MAY Find a Direction AWAY from evil Generational christianERA

.....to STOP 65%+ no FAMILY statistics and..30%+ 'alternative' jaileds*xual practices...

ps

deaCON..christianAmerican ERA 1619-2020 was/is NOT, a High Point in the Human Experience


Saturday, September 12th 2020 at 10:18AM
robert powell
YOUR WORDS: deaCON..christianAmerican ERA 1619-2020 was/is NOT, a High Point in the Human Experience

MY REPLY: Was you BORN in this country ROBERTPOWELL?



Saturday, September 12th 2020 at 10:57AM
Deacon Ron Gray

Marriage & the Black Community

SUBJECT

".... unprotected s*x being the new symbol of commitment in a relationship..."

Posted By: Jon C.
Monday, October 6th 2008 at 11:47AM
You can also click here to view all posts by this author...

****************************************************************************************************

2008-2020..US-USA has experienced the Great USA Family of President Baraka Hussein Obama

...Summer of 2020 is..Protest against SYSTEMIC Generational ills to/of African American Life

Prison/jail time is the leader of JonC-unprotected 'blackBleak' ...relations since 2008...

....Unfortunately a norm for many 'blacks'

**********************************************************************************************************

This is a healthy American Discussion and Subject in the jenFA ERA

....Yet the underEducated in English deaCON asks ME?

***********************************************************************************

".....Was you BORN in this country ROBERTPOWELL?...."

Saturday, September 12th 2020 at 10:57AM
Deacon Ron Gray

***************************************************************************************************

2020 prison unprotected-OFF SUBJECT....."Writing styles" may ask.....WAS?

....but BIA, African American Educated English Inspirational styles Write....

Were you BORN in this country-deaCON?



Wednesday, September 16th 2020 at 12:11PM
robert powell
Was you BORN in this country ROBERTPOWELL?


Wednesday, September 16th 2020 at 12:48PM
Deacon Ron Gray

Marriage & the Black Community

SUBJECT

".... unprotected s*x being the new symbol of commitment in a relationship..."

Posted By: Jon C.
Monday, October 6th 2008 at 11:47AM
You can also click here to view all posts by this author...

****************************************************************************************************

2008-2020..US-USA has experienced the Great USA Family of President Baraka Hussein Obama

....BUT the following BIA, African American Family commentator...?

*****************************************************************************************************

"......Was you BORN in this country ROBERTPOWELL?...."

Wednesday, September 16th 2020 at 12:48PM
Deacon Ron Gray

....is an Example of unprotected 'blackMale' minds.....

....is an Example of unEducated 'blackMale' minds......

....is an Example of confused, in wrong place, late and no one wants in Family, chiraq guy

BUT....alas....deaCON is a russianBOT....divisionist...non english writer....'bleakBlack'

AND...The African American Family will VOTE in 2020 for President Obama Family Values!



Thursday, September 17th 2020 at 10:03AM
robert powell
I also volunteered and made a sacrifice for this country for you to call me out of my name.

ROBERTPOWELL, let us come to an agreement on this name calling. ROBERTPOWELL let us agree to drop this name calling BS, OK!

I don't care if you agree with me or not, the most important thing is that we exchange our thoughts OK?




Thursday, September 17th 2020 at 10:20AM
Deacon Ron Gray

What name calling?

....This Blog SUBJECT is from Jon C.

YET...deaCON gray, of many blogs...chooses to hijack Mr. Jon C. with Disrespect/rudeness

1) you deaCON; are OFF SUBJECT of unprotected 'black' Families male and female

2) you deaCON; are LATE to this SUBJECT

3) you deaCON; have an issue with Educated English writing and reading

4) you deaCON; have selfIdentified as a deacon 'blackChristianHebrewIsraelite' from Chicago

5) Robert Powell, Mozell inspired writing is descriptive, prose and poetic

..BIA, African American Members ALL sacrifice for USA and are bound by signing our agreement

to shatter old stereotypes and Misconceptions....

...I believe that the russians...influenced the 2016 US-USA elections and I believe 2020

is another year they distract, feed us Racist NONSENSE and worthless COLORED'whiteOpinons'

....I can only agree with deaCON that I believe deaCONS' BIA content is RUSSIAN CONTENT..

....I can only agree with deaCON that his blogs highlight Trump at this AfricanAmerican site.

....I do NOT want to EXCHANGE thoughts with a russianDivisionist, trumpEnabler....OK?

US-USA VOTE in 2020 against the russian/trumpCOLORED'white' attacks on AfricanAmericans

Thursday, September 17th 2020 at 10:44AM
robert powell
You talk about being OFF SUBJECT, you are way off the MARK.

Where is the Racist NONSENSE in this BLOG?

Where is the worthless COLORED'whiteOpinons'in this BLOG?

Where is the russian/trumpCOLORED, what ever the fluck that means, in this BLOG?

Where is the russianDivisionist, in this BLOG

This is all of The BULL 💩 YOU bring to this conversation, It is YOU who bring that OFF TOPIC BULL 💩 because that's all YOU GOT, that is you.

SORRY!!!


Thursday, September 17th 2020 at 11:13AM
Deacon Ron Gray

Marriage & the Black Community

SUBJECT

".... unprotected s*x being the new symbol of commitment in a relationship..."

Posted By: Jon C.
Monday, October 6th 2008 at 11:47AM
You can also click here to view all posts by this author...

****************************************************************************************************

....This Blog SUBJECT is from Jon C....NOT the russianHijacker....deaCON RON gray

YET...deaCON gray...chooses to hijack Mr. Jon C. with Disrespect/rudeness/FILTH

....that makes .... you deaCON....in deaCON words....

".......Racist NONSENSE..COLORED'whiteOpinons'... russian/trumpCOLORED,

what ever the fluck..russianDivisionist...The BULL 💩 YOU....."

Thursday, September 17th 2020 at 11:13AM
Deacon Ron Gray

**********************************************************************************************************

Leave BIA, so that US-USA citizens can Focus on growth and VOTING 2020

Let the African American Family protect marriage and Family

....AGAINST the ridiculous COLORED'whiteSupremist' GENESIS of calling folks COLORED....

....AGAINST the ridiculous COLORED'whiteSupremist' russianBOT influence in 2020 Elections

....AGAINST ridiculous COLORED'blackChristianHebrewIsraelite'--Racism....

GOT that BOT...'blackRussian'....!!!!

Friday, September 18th 2020 at 9:08AM
robert powell
ROBERTPOWELL, Why are you running from me and my very direct questions? You write all of that verbiage but you have not ONCE answered ONE question and this is the 💩 you say I bring to this site and you can't point out what you are talking about, VERY INTERESTING!!!




Friday, September 18th 2020 at 8:26PM
Deacon Ron Gray

Marriage & the Black Community

SUBJECT

".... unprotected s*x being the new symbol of commitment in a relationship..."

Posted By: Jon C.
Monday, October 6th 2008 at 11:47AM
You can also click here to view all posts by this author...

****************************************************************************************************

....This Blog SUBJECT is from Jon C....NOT the russianHijacker....deaCON RON gray

YET...deaCON gray...chooses to hijack Mr. Jon C. with Disrespect/rudeness/FILTH

....that makes .... you deaCON....in deaCON words....

****************************************************************************************************

".......Racist NONSENSE..COLORED'whiteOpinons'... russian/trumpCOLORED,

what ever the fluck..russianDivisionist...The BULL 💩 YOU..

ONE question".. 💩 you say I bring to this site ...VERY INTERESTING!!...."

Friday, September 18th 2020 at 8:26PM
Deacon Ron Gray..."

**********************************************************************************************************

Leave BIA, so that US-USA citizens can Focus on growth and VOTING 2020

Let the African American Family protect marriage and Family

....AGAINST the ridiculous COLORED'whiteSupremist' GENESIS of calling folks COLORED....

....AGAINST the ridiculous COLORED'whiteSupremist' russianBOT influence in 2020 Elections

....AGAINST ridiculous COLORED'blackChristianHebrewIsraelite'--Racism....

GOT that BOT...'blackRussian'....!!!!

Saturday, September 19th 2020 at 12:27PM
robert powell
ROBERTPOWELL YOUR WORDS: Leave BIA, so that US-USA citizens can Focus on growth and VOTING 202

MY REPLY; We are on the same side when it comes to getting out the vote and I want our Voters to be educated about the people who are running for office.

ROBERTPOWELL, is anything WRONG with that?



Saturday, September 19th 2020 at 7:48PM
Deacon Ron Gray

Marriage & the Black Community

SUBJECT

".... unprotected s*x being the new symbol of commitment in a relationship..."

Posted By: Jon C.
Monday, October 6th 2008 at 11:47AM
You can also click here to view all posts by this author...

****************************************************************************************************

....This Blog SUBJECT is from Jon C....NOT the russianHijacker....deaCON RON gray

"..Leave BIA, so that US-USA citizens can Focus on growth and VOTING 202"..."(2 0 2 0)

Saturday, September 19th 2020 at 7:48PM
Deacon Ron Gray

*********************************************************************************************************

..Education is one thing...but deaCON PASTED campaigning for trump$$ette racism is TRASH.

BIA, African American Families are well EDUCATED have KNOWN for the past 10 years...

1) trump$$ete is a lying birther....anti President Baraaka Hussein Obama
2) republicans are LYIN, n IGGAS.. anti President Baraaka Hussein Obama and AfricanAmericans
3) poLICE, kill AfricanAmericans...Since, 1619

....2016 russianBOTS tried to befriend African American Sites...but divided..

LIKE deaCON'blackChristianHebrewIsraelite' PASTED COLORED'whiteSupremist' opinions at BIA

....Why mention that Racist TRASH...trump$$ette at BIA, African American Pages...

STOP IT>......NO>.....NO more trump$$ette deaCON PASTED content from 9/20/2020!

...Can we agree on that....!!


Sunday, September 20th 2020 at 9:35AM
robert powell
YOUR WORDS: Education is one thing...but deaCON PASTED campaigning for trump$$ette racism is TRASH.

MY REPLY: How do you know if deaCON PASTED campaigning for trump$$ette racism is TRASH, if you say you don't watch the video's?

YOUR WORDS: BIA, African American Families are well EDUCATED have KNOWN for the past 10 years...

MY REPLY: BIA, African American Families have not learn to much from your resent blogs because you only posted two years this year and the time before that was back on 09/18/2018.

Now what you have been doing is being a disrupter of FREE THOUGHT and conversation here on Black In America.

Like this you wrote: 1) trump$$ete is a lying birther....anti President Baraaka Hussein Obama
2) republicans are LYIN, n IGGAS.. anti President Baraaka Hussein Obama and AfricanAmericans
3) poLICE, kill AfricanAmericans...Since, 1619

This has nothing to do with this blog conversation, that all ROBERTPOWELL, not at all but here you come, bring this MESS with you.

YOUR WORDS: ....2016 russianBOTS tried to befriend African American Sites...but divided..

LIKE deaCON'blackChristianHebrewIsraelite' PASTED COLORED'whiteSupremist' opinions at BIA

MY REPLY: If I am some 2016 russianBOTS, then why are your suck on ONE SUBJECT and why can't you start any new and interesting blog topics?

Or

Answer my direct questions without using your failed diversionary tactics all of the time, WHY?

YOUR WORDS: ....Why mention that Racist TRASH...trump$$ette at BIA, African American Pages...

STOP IT>......NO>.....NO more trump$$ette deaCON PASTED content from 9/20/2020!

...Can we agree on that....!!

MY REPLY: YES WE CAN AGREE TO THAT, only if you agree to say OFF MY BLOGS, DEAL!!!!







Sunday, September 20th 2020 at 5:15PM
Deacon Ron Gray

Marriage & the Black Community

SUBJECT

".... unprotected s*x being the new symbol of commitment in a relationship..."

Posted By: Jon C.
Monday, October 6th 2008 at 11:47AM
You can also click here to view all posts by this author...

****************************************************************************************************

....This Blog SUBJECT is from Jon C....NOT the russianHijacker....deaCON RON gray

deaCON this is NOT your blog....JON C is the AUTHOR.....

....if you wish to debate BIA, has many deaCON Racist blags...STOP disrespecting JonC with.

This has nothing to do with this blog.....

******************************************************************************************************

"...BIA, African American Families have not learn to much from your resent blogs

because you only posted two years this year and the time before that was back on 09/18/2018.

....disrupter of FREE THOUGHT and conversation here on Black In America.

Like this you wrote:
1) trump$$ete is a lying birther....anti President Baraaka Hussein Obama
2) republicans are LYIN, n IGGAS.. anti President Baraaka Hussein Obama and AfricanAmericans
3) poLICE, kill AfricanAmericans...Since, 1619......"

Sunday, September 20th 2020 at 5:15PM
Deacon Ron Gray

******************************************************************************************************

Even with deaCON hijacking of blogs...BIA will VOTE for President Obama CHANGE in 2020


Monday, September 21st 2020 at 6:39PM
robert powell
ROBERTPOWELL, I just answered you point by point answering your questions.

1. YOUR WORDS: Education is one thing...but deaCON PASTED campaigning for trump$$ette racism is TRASH.

MY REPLY: How do you know if deaCON PASTED campaigning for trump$$ette racism is TRASH, if you say you don't watch the video's?

2. YOUR WORDS: BIA, African American Families are well EDUCATED have KNOWN for the past 10 years...

MY REPLY: BIA, African American Families have not learn to much from your resent blogs because you only posted two years this year and the time before that was back on 09/18/2018, now have we ROBERTPOWELL?

3. YOUR WORDS: ....2016 russianBOTS tried to befriend African American Sites...but divided..

LIKE deaCON'blackChristianHebrewIsraelite' PASTED COLORED'whiteSupremist' opinions at BIA

MY REPLY: If I am some 2016 russianBOTS, then why are your suck on ONE SUBJECT and why can't you start any new and interesting blog topics?

Answer those THREE questions on your next reply, OK!!! Will you do that?


Monday, September 21st 2020 at 8:06PM
Deacon Ron Gray

Marriage & the Black Community

SUBJECT

".... unprotected s*x being the new symbol of commitment in a relationship..."

Posted By: Jon C.
Monday, October 6th 2008 at 11:47AM
You can also click here to view all posts by this author...

****************************************************************************************************

....This Blog SUBJECT is from Jon C....NOT the russianHijacker....deaCON RON gray

deaCON this is NOT your blog....JON C is the AUTHOR.....

....if you wish to debate BIA, has many deaCON Racist blags...STOP disrespecting JonC with.

This has nothing to do with this blog.....

******************************************************************************************************

"....If I am some 2016 russianBOTS, then why are your suck on ONE SUBJECT

and why can't you start any new and interesting blog topics?

How do you know if deaCON PASTED campaigning for trump$$ette racism is TRASH..."

Monday, September 21st 2020 at 8:06PM
Deacon Ron Gray

********************************************************************************************************

1) what deaCON; is???....... "are your suck"?

2) trump$$ette -2016 was deaCON 'sucking' TRASH!

3) trump$$ette 2017-20 is deaCON 'sucking' TRASH!

4) trump$$ette 2020 campaign is deaCON 'sucking' TRASH!

5) a bleak "black" PASTING trump$$ette is deaCON 'sucking' TRASH!

6) russianBOTS 2016-2020 are deaCON 'sucking' TRASH!

7) PASTERS on an African American Site of COLORED'whiteSupremacy' are deaCON 'sucking' TRASH!

....Let JON C continue his GREAT BLOG.....leave deaCON....

Tuesday, September 22nd 2020 at 5:59PM
robert powell
ROBERTPOWELL, You can't even reach up to that level. You poor thing.


Wednesday, September 23rd 2020 at 9:29AM
Deacon Ron Gray
Please Login To Post Comments...
Email:
Password:

 
More From This Author
Today in HR: Can Pending Legislation Affect Rx Claims Analysis?
Analysts share experiences with NABA
Black Leadership... Looking Backwards?
Uncelebrated Black Heroes - Primus King
Following in Their Footsteps: African Americans in the Advertising Industry
100 Black Men of Chicago, Inc. to host 6th Annual College Scholarship Fair
Christian Hip-Hop
Area ‘Wire’ actor eyes a rap career
Forward This Blog Entry!
Blogs Home

(Advertise Here)
Who's Online
>> more | invite 
Black America Resources
100 Black Men of America
www.100blackmen.org

Black America's Political Action Committee (BAMPAC)
www.bampac.org

Black America Study
www.blackamericastudy.com

Black America Web
www.blackamericaweb.com

CNN Black In America Special
www.cnn.com/blackinamerica

NUL State of Black America Report
www.nul.org

Most Popular Bloggers
deacon ron gray has logged 153268 blog subscribers!
agnes levine has logged 78472 blog subscribers!
tanisha laverne grant has logged 60880 blog subscribers!
harry watley has logged 23212 blog subscribers!
gregory boulware, esq. has logged 15503 blog subscribers!
>> more | add 
Latest Jobs
Senior UX Designer with Five9, Inc. in SF Bay Area, CA.
Senior Manager, Social Media Research with Sabin Vaccine Institute in Washington, DC.
Senior Vice President for Marketing and Communication with The Ohio State University in Columbus, OH.
Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Post-Doctoral Research Associate with University of Virginia in Charlottesville, VA.
Training & Development Coordinator - Municipal Technical Advisory Service - 200000015E with University of Tennessee in Nashville, TN.
>> more | add