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I am so sick of seeing beautiful, talented, intelligent, spiritual women wanting to be in a relationship and unable to find "Mr. Right" or even "Mr. Aight" Are all the good ones taken? Do men have so many wonderful choices that they don't have to settle down with just one? Are the 'hoes of the world making it tough on women who aren't willing to compromise by giving men everything they (they think they) want? Or is marriage a thing our parents did and it's passe today? What's the deal?
Posted By: Karen Hunter
Saturday, May 23rd 2009 at 6:45PM
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I believe "Mr. Right" is out there. For me I have to first know myself and get my life in order before I can cross that bridge. There will be temptations around me the little voice in the back of my head saying "Is he the one?".
The good ones are not taken in my opinion.
Saturday, May 23rd 2009 at 7:20PM
Candice Johnson
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I agree with Candice. You have to be ready to cross that bridge when you're ready. Many women try to marry before they are ready or pick the wrong man because they weren't ready. You have to know what you want, you have to be honest with yourself and your willingness to make modifications, as well as his willingness and ability to do the same. When you're honest with yourself, you know when a man isn't right for you and you choose not to let an ill-fated relationship keep you from moving on towards the right relationship. The good ones are still out there, being overlooked by women who are focused on the wrong things.
Saturday, May 23rd 2009 at 7:28PM
Dr. S. Maxwell Hines
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I would like to respond to each part of your question. First of all, there ARE good men out there, but they are not in the places you seem to be looking or are being overlooked.
I don't know about wonderful choices, but there some interesting statistics. For instance, 44% of black women in the US will NOT get married. Combine that with the number of men in jail and murder rates for black males and the disparity becomes that much more alarming. Still, with that being said, what exists is quantity and not necessarily quality.
As far as the 'hoes go, using your term, they have made it hard on good women in ways that you may have not considered. Like any predator stalking its prey, 'hoes begin to learn the habits and preferences of their marks. They will then package themselves with all the proper bows, i.e. humor, charm, intelligence, great conversationalist, worldly, etc. The hook is set. The next thing you know, she turns the 180 and becomes something you can't recognize as the same person. You don't realize you've been beached until you are flopping about trying to figure out , "How did I wind up here?"
Last but not least, yes, good guys want to be married. To find that partner for life is the goal. It makes more sense to learn one person very well over a lifetime or knowing someone only for a short while before moving on to the next one.
Believe it or not, good guys are out there wondering the very same things you are. They are tired of being hurt and disappointed, but still believe that Ms. Right is out there, and she WILL be found.
Saturday, May 23rd 2009 at 8:19PM
George Milliken
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Two posts on the same topic in two days? Wow. That being said, many men may wonder the same thing about women. The "professional ho" that wrote the book, "I Can't Afford To Marry You" is a perfect example of why men run fast and far away from today's greedy grabbin' women. Like the post alluded to, yesterday's women weren't that superficial. Only when women began feeling the need to be the leaders of households and industries did this phoenomenon (sp) began. And now, the human race is out of harmony. Every other species on the planet lives in perfect harmony, except the human race.
There is also a movement that I referred to in yesterday's post on this same subject: Free Lovers who oppose the institution of mariage. It's a changing world we're living in.
Sunday, May 24th 2009 at 6:24AM
Craig Amos
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The hoes do make it bad for the decent women out here. Men tend to be spoiled, they want everything and she has to be perfect. If not there's another woman always waiting in the wings for her chance. The numbers are in the men's favor.
Sunday, May 24th 2009 at 7:47AM
Vanessa Phillips
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Amen, Mr. Maxwell.
I can speak to the fact that marriage is not a thing of the past. My one found me, his good thing. LOL. ...4 1/2 years and counting. So, he/she is out there. It's just a matter of knowing how to be alone FIRST. It's a matter of being whole FIRST. And it's a matter of FAITH (and that should have been listed first). Patience counts in there and the absence of desperation, which would cause one to settle for less than the Godly best has to offer him/her.
Blessings...
Sunday, May 24th 2009 at 1:55PM
Dee Gray
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I agree with Dee, but I love everyones point of views. This is a great post. I love topics like this.
Monday, May 25th 2009 at 12:40PM
Candice Johnson
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But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.
-Isaiah 40:31 (NKJV) Do it God's way and it will happen and it will work.
My wife and I will celebrate 26 years of marriage in a couple of months. The reason we have lasted so long is become we are first and foremost "committed." Ups and downs will come, but your commitment is what keeps you together.
Tuesday, May 26th 2009 at 4:48AM
Ronnie Alexander
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Karen, thanks for the question. The short answer to your question is that "Marriage is not a thing of the past, but it is rapidly losing ground to the hedonistic ways of our modern society." The most intimate aspect of a fruitful marriage -- the s*xual union that results in children -- has become a recreational activity in our modern society. So the spiritual concept of "becoming one" is lost. The spiritual virtue of "purity" -- for men and women -- has all but disappeared. So, what makes marriage special?
There is talk bout "being ready for commitment" as one speaks of a business contract. There are all the considerations that follow "baby daddies" and baby momas" and STDs. Recently, a friend of mine who got married at age 36, was frequently asked if he was gay because he was single for so long with no children. He found a woman who valued his respect for himself, and the women he dated. They are now married, and have a son. Marriage came first. The child came as a result of their commitment to the union. So, yes, good guys want to be married.
Marriage is about building a strong family. That's what both parties need to be committed to. This comes with "values" that precede "commitment." If a spoken or written commitment is not based on enduring values -- love, devotion, integrity, compassion, fidelity, submission to the higher good of the family before one's self -- then the glue that holds a marriage together is weak.
My wife and I have been married for 42 years. We have a son and daughter -- both married -- and two grandchildren. Each of our children has been married for 10 years or more. There are key values we passed along to them, and they sought out marriage partners who had similar values.
Here are the direct answers to your quesions:
Are all the good ones taken? -- NO, they are looking for the other good ones.
Do men have so many wonderful choices that they don't have to settle down with just one? The CHOICES they have are mostly not good ones today. Good men will settle down when they find a good woman.
Are the 'hoes' of the world making it tough on women who aren't willing to compromise by giving men everything they (they think they) want? The "hoes" aren't making it tough on the good men and women. They make it easier to find the good ones.
Or is marriage a thing our parents did and it's passe today? Those who have good parents and follow their example are the real winners. They must be strong and hold out for a life of happiness and bliss. This won't happen if you are unequally yoked. The "hoe" won't likely become a good wife. And the "DAWG" won't likely become a good husband.
To all the good men and good women -- you know who you are -- "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
Roger Madison
www.izania.com
Tuesday, May 26th 2009 at 5:42AM
Roger E Madison Jr
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A submissive woman is inversly proportional to a man that will serve her... If that man is NOT willing to serve you (you know what I mean) DO NOT SUBMIT to him... Now, there are many ways to test that theory... If he'll serve you without s*x, there's a good probability he'll serve you afterwards... The problem comes intangled with dating up, dating down... In order for this concept to work, you have to date across. Any gaps, up or down, will necessitate the unconscious desire to "fill the void"... ususally, with drama, to gain a sense of equilization... does that make sense? Most women and men are never really attracted to the one they should be with. The preception is that they are "boring"... look at the whole package, inside and out... physical attractiveness is one thing, its the "stuff" on the inside that will keep you together...
Tuesday, May 26th 2009 at 6:03AM
Leonard Sturdivant
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Marriage Will be a thing of My Past as soon as He LEAVES! I propose that the Marriage License come with 3 year RENEWAL OPTIONS!?! I remember being single very well...and I still cannot honestly say which life I prefer? Marriage is not what I expected AT ALL.
Tuesday, May 26th 2009 at 11:24AM
T Y
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Who is "MR. RIGHT"? Everybody talks about him but no one knows who he is. If "MR. RIGHT" was standing in front of you right now would you recognize him, and if you did recognize him, would you acknowledge him? Or, would you just keep walking and keep complaining about the perceived absence of "good men".There are no perfect men or women on this Earth, everyone has their flaws. With that being said, marriage is not a thing of the past, but a "real" marriage is definitely a thing of the past. The mainstream media has negatively conditioned the minds of most women, and that has changed the foundation of relationships in this country. Actions that were once considered a taboo, are now being positively reinforced by society. For example, twenty or thirty years ago it was not cool to have a child out of wedlock or to be divorced. If either one of the aforementioned circumstances applied to you, you would be considered a social outcast. Relationships were once based on more than tangible goods. These days it's cool to be a "baby mamma" and many people get married with the intention of divorcing their spouse in the near future. To most women, men are just tools for financial gain and short-term s*xual pleasure, the emotional connection is obsolete. Society as a whole is suffering from spiritual warfare.
Tuesday, May 26th 2009 at 3:22PM
Ryan Conscious
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Rules for finding Mr. Right:
(1) Realize that there is NO MR. RIGHT. Just who God Sends you. You have to have the good sense to know who it is when he comes'
(2) Keep on your panties--it helps you to find out how to be friends with your man first;
(3) When you do let him hit it, let him have just a lil' bit; not too much now, you hear?'
(4) Let go of any fears you have of your own. Know yourself and learn yourself for all that you're worth;
(5) Keep it to yourself that you have found someone when you first meet him; don't even tell him you like him for a minute; let him find out or move it along after a length of time;
(6) Don't put up no front; a man knows when you're trying to fool him--the good ones do who are smart and who are looking for truthful women;
(7) Stay out the club; You won't find no good man in the club; wait around the door at closing time or something, but don't be no video vixen up in the clubs all the time. Men will label you a HOE just based on the number times they bump into you in the club--pun intended;
(8) Pray for a good man; stay true in your beliefs that you will get someone good for yourself;
(9) Don't grab a buster and then try to make him into something he's not; Don't fool yourself;
(10) Date more than one man for a short time if it's comfortable for you so you won't get wild later; Women need to sow their wild oats, too;
(11) Don't flaunt your s*xuality, date your ex's friends, your brother's friends, or go after your friends' men, establish a code of ethics;
(12) Buy Steve Harvey's new book--funny and truthful.
Tuesday, May 26th 2009 at 3:51PM
Sweetie Nelson
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And rule # 13: Let the man know you're smart by showing him your good heart and how well you handle your own business, but don't ever tell him, "I make more than you," or "I'm smarter than you because you this and blah-blah-blah," don't ever tear your man down, not until you and he have an understanding of just how low you will go in your brawls--trust me you will have them.
Tuesday, May 26th 2009 at 3:55PM
Sweetie Nelson
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WHEW!! This is some reading! First, I have to say this before I forget it: Sweetie Nelson, Rule #4 should really be #1, because you have be whole FIRST.
Let me answer the main question first: no marriage is not dead, but for some people it's in a coma because they have no idea what it's supposed to be. Dare I say this as an African-American woman born in the middle of the last century - it is NOT a crime to be a wife, nor to allow your husband to be the head of the household and back him up rather than takes the lead. If you take a look back at what God intended, marriage was based on commitment first and not the Hollywood version of looking across a crowded room or flowery meadow and feeling compelled to go after that person because of a "warm-fuzzy" feeling. There were responsibilities that were laid out from the beginning and we've gotten away from accepting the roles that we were "wired" to take on. The first man and woman respected each other first and love grew from mutual respect. And to go back to where I started here, all of us - women and men alike - have got to be contented (not "happy" because that comes and goes) with ourselves, BY ourselves before we can commit ourselves to a relationship. Unlike Jerry McGuire, I don't want to be completed by someone else nor to complete someone else. I have to like me first(...and I DO, by the way!) Now many of us have already gotten off track, myself included. I put the "cart before the horse" more than once, but that doesn't mean that things are hopeless. It may take a long time to figure out if our not paying attention, but my opinion is that you need to have true friends of the opposite gender, folks who will tell you the truth and be there for you no matter what. A solid friendship is a much better and stronger bond upon which to build a lasting relationship anyway; if you allow that friendship to be the core of something more, you will already be committed to each other because you accept your true friends for who they are, as the old folks say, "irregardless." Look for those good qualities that make for good friends and stop pretending that you need to be anyone else but YOU in order to be in a relationship that could lead to marriage. But remember, you also have to be flexible and ready for compromise; I heard a wise preacher say once: "You don't get what you deserve [in marriage]; you get what you negotiate." One last thing (and I know this a risky one, too, so I'm ready for the fallout): ladies, please, PLEASE stop being so dammed ambitious and ready to be independent at all costs that you won't be "interdependent" with a man! It does not take away from your strength as a woman to allow yourself the luxury of letting a good man take care of you sometimes - notice I said "sometime" because you both have to be ready to take care of each other; that's what the "for better or worse" part means you know....OK, I've said enough; not all that I wanted to but enough. Karen: don't give up, my sister! Just one more word: don't try to find The One, BE The One! He'll find you!
Thursday, May 28th 2009 at 6:15PM
Nancy Campbell
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Most of the time you'll pass the one God has for you because he's not goodlookin enough or she doesn't have enough money. God don't do anything that's not perfect. Its that flesh you fight with because you think you know better. Another thing is most go into a marriage wanting to change that person to fit their need. Me i want that marriage that God has to give but i want my mate to have the one God intended for her too. Because my God is going to come first no matter what! and my mate has to feel the same way!
Friday, September 4th 2009 at 9:49PM
Greg Wilkins
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