One of THE most frustrasting experiences I've had to deal with as a temporarily disabled person is people moving or getting rid of my stuff. When I got home from the hospital, I had my sister, my mom and girlfriends making decisions for me, but no one bothered to ASK me. (OK, I had a stroke, but I was very much thinking and functioning as a human being.)
One day, I came down stairs to discover glasses and cups were thrown out, expensive gift bags were discarded (I planned to use them for upcoming parties) and food out of my refrigerator was missing. I got mad and started yelling. My sister didn't understand why. I explained to her 'How would she like it if I came into her home and just threw away or took stuff out of it?' She was speechless.
I gave my mother the same speech when she "pretended" not to know the location of some cups that I "borrowed" from a friend and had planned on returning. My mother went into my kitchen cabinet, decided that they were broken (it was part of the design) and threw the nine tumblers away. I now had to buy my friend new cups.
My mother is a terrible liar. And after she just got done asking me what sort of cups, that's where I tripped her up. My daughters were my witnesses and told me what my mother had done. I let her have it. I explained to her that she didn't purchase ANYTHING in MY HOME. She had no right to touch anything. In the future, I told her to keep HER HANDS TO HERSELF AND LEAVE MY STUFF ALONE. I also warned her that I plan to return the favor oneday so she would know how I feel.
When people move your stuff, they put things where they think they should be and forget things like my limited movement and physical limitations. My sister put my iron on a top shelf forgetting that retrieving it would be a problem for me. While I appreciated the help, a lot of times the situations that I encountered were very stressful and challenging.
I only write this because if you ever are in a position where you can help someone with a disability, ask for their opinion first.
Posted By: Marsha Jones
Friday, December 4th 2009 at 9:18AM
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