As I cleaned up the dishes from my kitchen sink last night, it finally struck me why my mother got mad as one of us would bring a dish to sink just as I thought I was done with dishes. She used to specifically ask us to bring all the "dirty" dishes into the kitchen before she started this chore. I do the same thing with my kids. Most times, they bring them all in. However, my teen brought in five items: all cups. She claimed she didn't hear me because she was so focused on her homework. I just bit my tongue.
I thought about my FB status that day: Nobody objects to a woman being a good writer, sculptor or geneticist if at the same time she manages to be a good wife, mother, good-looking, good-tempered, well-groomed, and unaggressive.
It's part of what I call the "Mommy Dilemma."
Your family doesn't really value what you do when you are the mom. The things that go unnoticed in your house: clothes washed and folded, dinner on the table by six, helping with homework, house cleaning, the sweet aroma in the air, comforting a sick child...it's stuff that most mommy's due.
I now DVR most of my shows because I don't get to watch them uninterrupted. On Friday nights, my kids get to watch TV and the channel of their choice (within reason) because quite frankly, I don't want to watch a repeat Disney show. However, they run new episodes. Thank you, God. I go upstairs in my bedroom and watch a Netflix movie or may stay downstairs with them and catch up on reading.
I've put up with little people eating out of my plate when I just really want to enjoy my Sloppy Joe. I've survived nights with no sleep to comfort a colicky child. The power and gentle kisses I gave to my girls healed boo boos. Goofy sounds came out of my mouth to either get a child to take medicine or capture a heart-breaking smile with a photographer because I wanted to document that memory.
I cringed after seeing my baby fall taking her first steps, but pretended to maintain calm so you wouldn't cry. The trips and questions you asked me about if your shot at the doctor's office would hurt. I never gave you an answer. Afterwards, I embraced you as you wept.
My favorite mug that was dropped in the sink and broken. I had to drive you to school because you missed the bus. You ate the last slice of bread just when I was about to make myself a sandwich. The times you slept on my lap because of a long sermon. The nightmares you had because you weren't supposed to watch a scary movie and did anyway.
The overwhelming pride I felt as I watched you sing or play your instrument on stage, recite your song verse in the alphabet song and the strength I discovered you had dragging me with pride to meet your favorite teacher. I also remember you waking me up on the first day of school at 4 a.m. because you were excited and nervous about being "a big girl" and your desire to learn. I put you back to bed, kissed you and beamed with pride. The hours of studying math facts and spelling. The numbers of field trips we've gone on. The "bootleg Monopoly" money and your first and only win. The times you thought I'd say "No", but I said "YES."
Now that I am a mom, I understand.
I get what my mom went through. It may be different time, but the feelings are the same. I have gone without because there were things you need. I have made sacrifices to give you opportunity. I serve as your cheerleader and push because I know in my heart what you are capable of. I want you to give back and volunteer in your community because a little kindness goes a long way. I educate you because I want you to know and be proud of who you are, your history, and where you place in the world should be. The world can be a cruel, hard, cold place: get ready to handle it. I surround you with the arts because there is beauty to be seen in many forms. This beauty will be important when times are tough. You will make a difference. I counsel you because I have BIG hopes and dreams for you.
Our time together is flying by. You will always be my baby, but you're not a "little girl" anymore. You constantly remind me of that. Everyone wants better for their child. I'm no different: I want the best for you. That's what my mother wanted for you.
Now that I'm a mom: I understand.
Posted By: Marsha Jones
Friday, February 18th 2011 at 12:43PM
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