Cheaters never prosper... and neither do their partners
That said, cheating is as prevalent as ever with one or both spouses copping to either physical or emotional infidelity in about 41 percent of marriages. According to research conducted by the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, those philandering ways aren't just limited to men. While 57% of males admit to being unfaithful in any relationship they've had, about 54% of women were also guilty of the same transgressions.
Cheating and extramarital affairs can be devastating for a relationship. Those extra-curricular activities are cited as one of the most common reasons for divorce and the end of long-term relationships. While no one wants to believe their significant other would partake in the ultimate betrayal, it's a cruel reality for many men and women.
It can be difficult to accept the truth, but it's important to be aware of what could be occurring right beneath your nose. Learn to look for the signs in your relationship. Whether you're already suspicious or preparing yourself for a new marriage or relationship, these here are five signs that can point to a cheating partner.
1. Changes in physical appearance and upkeep - we all know the longer a couple is in a relationship, the more comfortable they become with each other. Looking your absolute best at all times can often takes a back seat when you're just hanging around at home or going to sleep after a long day. Lingerie getting traded in for sweats sound familiar?
If your husband begins to pay more attention to his physical appearance and is doing things like buying new clothes, wearing new more cologne, tanning, joining a gym or getting his teeth whitened - there's a good chance it isn't for you. If he's not already seeing someone else, he may be readying himself to find another. Unless there's a big event on the horizon like a wedding or reunion, ask him what's up with the sudden interest in manscaping.
2. Being too nice - this one might sound a bit silly. Who doesn't want their partner to show them extra affection and attention? However, if this attention is out of the ordinary and doesn't seem to be sparked by anything in particular, he could be making up for guilty feelings and/or distracting you from his inappropriate behavior. Showering you with gifts, calling and/or texting you multiple times a day to "check in" or "say hello," planning expensive dinners and dates, sending you shopping with his credit card, going on a spontaneous vacation -- these are all red flags. Don't be blinded by the rush of that new wallet and matching shoes or the relaxation of a spa visit - find out what's really behind the excess of generous gestures.
3. Using the Internet non-stop - Who isn't consumed by social networking sites and funny videos on YouTube these days? If your spouse is going to the extreme and staying on the computer until all hours of the night or his iPhone seems to have become permanently attached to his hand, you could have cause to worry. Many men seek and start relationships with other women online in chat rooms, via instant messaging or on social networking sites. In fact, there are even Web sites set up like typical online dating services -- except they cater specifically to men looking to cheat.
If you do a quick spot-check of your computer browser's history, only to find that it's recently been wiped clean, or if an email account you used to have access to suddenly has a new password, you could have a cheater in your midst. If you're computer savvy, there are many inexpensive monitoring programs that record keystrokes, passwords and recently visited sites. However, prepare yourself for what you might find.
4. Changes in your s*x life - this sign can go one of two ways. Either your partner appears to lose interest and you stop having s*x altogether, or your partner has an unusually high s*x drive. If you normally have an active s*x life, a lack of interest could be a symptom of an affair. It might mean he having his needs satisfied elsewhere or that his guilt over what (or who) he is doing makes him embarrassed or ashamed to be intimate with you. On the other hand, if you find that his s*x drive is through the roof, he may be trying to overcompensate for his infidelity and distract you from his recent illicit behavior. In the same vein, beware if he starts requesting to use c*ndoms if you normally do not.
5. Being extra critical - does he seem to get mad at you for everything you do lately? Call you names or put you down about your appearance? If your man starts picking fights over small issues and/or criticizing your looks and behavior, he could be cheating. This behavior often starts when a man is cheating as a way to justify his misdeeds. If he convinces himself that you are unattractive or nagging, he will feel less guilty.
Starting an argument is also a tactic for getting out of the house so he can meet his lover or go looking for a new one. If he storms out of the house when you overcook his steak or calls you ugly because a hair is out of place - something is definitely amiss.
While this list is a good indicator of cheating behavior, it's important to proceed with caution. There may be other reasons or explanations behind your significant other's sudden change in behavior. Before you confront your partner, think about your lives and if any events could have sparked these changes. Work stress, family problems or even a medical issue could be responsible for unusual behavior or moods. However, if you believe there is no other explanation, you may choose to confront your partner.
If your worst fears are confirmed, you will likely be in a highly emotional state. You'll likely want to rush into the room and pitch a fit. As hard as it may seem, it is better to remain calm, or attempt to, anyway. Approaching your partner with a level head will yield the best results. Be prepared to back up your suspicions and for him to deny them. If you want to save your relationship, be prepared to put in the time to work through it and accept that he may not want to continue it.
Cheating may be a deal-breaker for you, so you must also be ready to call it quits if it turns out your concerns were warranted.
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Posted By: DAVID JOHNSON
Friday, September 21st 2012 at 12:32PM
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