BY: Martine Foreman - 19 Sep '14 | Relationships
Black and Married With Kids.com
A Positive Image of Marriage & Family
Have you ever seen a friend in a relationship, and you just have this gut feeling that things won’t end well for her? Maybe you’ve heard stories about her mate, or maybe you’ve witnessed behaviors with your own two eyes that tell you he is the wrong guy for her. Regardless of what your reason is, you know that your friend is ignoring a bunch of red flags in an effort to stay in a relationship that seems less than healthy.
And, if you are being real with yourself, there is a chance that maybe the “friend” is you.
Whether it’s by you, or someone you know, red flags are being ignored every day and people are staying in relationships that are potentially toxic. Sometimes the red flags pop up early on and women choose to ignore them for various reasons.
Women will often ignore red flags because they think the person has other redeeming qualities, or maybe they feel like he will change in time.
Surely, I am not suggesting that women should dis every man they meet while waiting for some perfect guy who doesn’t exist. But I do think everyone has someone out there who is perfect for them, and settling for less serves no one. When you decide to leave someone because of red flags, it doesn’t mean that person isn’t worthy of love. It just means that they probably have some serious work to do before they can be in a meaningful relationship with you or anyone else.
Here are a few red flags that you may discover in the first few dates, or well into the relationship. Either way, don’t ignore them. Doing so can lead to a relationship that will never truly be what you want or deserve.
He has no vision for his future. Proverbs 29:18 tells us, “where there is no vision, the people perish.” If your hope is to one day start a family with someone, that person needs to have a vision for themselves. If they don’t have a personal vision, how can they create a vision for your family?
He’s way too clingy. In my humble opinion, there is nothing cute about being with a mate that is way too clingy. Clinginess is typically a sign of a man who is either a bit possessive or insecure. Either way, it’s a sign you shouldn’t ignore.
He’s a little too private. There is nothing wrong with being a bit private when you first start dating someone, but if the person you are dating seems too private (like you know nothing about their family and you’ve never been to their home), you should be concerned. People who seem like they have something to hide usually have something to hide.
He talks down to you. There really is no way around this one. If a man talks down to you and makes you feel like you don’t matter, run in the other direction.
You feel isolated. You should never feel like a relationship is keeping you away from your friends and family. You should feel like your mate is adding to your life, not intentionally taking people away from it.
He doesn’t respect your values. It’s never a good sign if you feel like the person you are dating is trying to convince you to do anything that isn’t in line with what you value. Your values are part of the deal, so if he has a problem with them, he should keep it moving.
He doesn’t fight fair. It’s normal for couples to have disagreements and sometimes they can even turn into fights, but fighting dirty is never cool. If your mate always fights dirty, bringing up things you told him about your past, cursing you out, and intentionally trying to hurt you, he has serious communication issues and will probably always hit below the belt when you fight.
He tells his mother everything. We all want a man who respects and loves his mother. What we don’t want is a “mama’s boy” that runs and tells his mother every intimate detail of his life. That is more drama than any woman should have to deal with.
You have a strange gut feeling. Ladies, we have to stop ignoring our gut. When your gut tells you that the person you are with isn’t right for you, just listen. Your gut feeling is really God’s whisper. Don’t ignore it.
BMWK: Do you have more red flags to add to this list?
About the author
Martine Foreman wrote 231 articles on this blog.
Born and raised in Brooklyn, New York, Martine Foreman is a freelance writer and lifestyle blogger. To get tips for living your best life and also follow her crazy journey as a busy mom, wife, entrepreneur and honest chick from Brooklyn (now living in the burbs), check out her personal blog, CandidBelle. Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and crazy cat Pepper.
Posted By: Yaiqab Saint
Saturday, September 20th 2014 at 12:35PM
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