BY: Aesha Roberts - 8 Oct '14 | Single
Black and Married With Kids.com
A Positive Image of Marriage & Family
What’s the number #1 reason why women are single?” she asked me.
Without hesitation I said, “Women aren’t dating enough OR they’re dating the wrong types of men.”
Honey, if you could’ve seen the look on her face! She looked like she wanted to clutch her pearls because I’d said something so outrageous. For the next few minutes she grilled me with that “nice-nasty” tone you get when someone disagrees with you, but still wants to be polite.
“Don’t you think women are too aggressive?”
“No,” I said. “Most of the women I talk to tell me they go to work, church and then come home. They’re not aggressive. They’re exhausted and discouraged from the dating scene and now they’re just hibernating!”
“Well, do you teach from a biblical perspective.” It wasn’t so much a question as it was an statement. I guess to this sista, suggesting that women actually leave their home and put themselves out there to find a man is not biblical. In fact, I’ve heard many people quote the verse “He that findeth a wife, findeth a good thing,” to explain that women shouldn’t date. They should wait to be found. (I’ve dealt with this issue in a previous article. Check it out here if you missed it). But as one of my Buddhist male friends said to me once, “If Christians don’t date, how will they ever make little Christians?”
My conversation with this sista rang in the back of my head when I saw a statistic this week reported by one of my colleagues, Paul C Brunson. He said the #1 problem with dating is that no one is doing it anymore!
As a result, the average single in the US hasn’t been on a real date in 2 years!
If you are one of these singles and you feel like giving up on dating, let me encourage you. The love you seek is seeking you. But you have to do more than just pray for a mate. Pray, take action and create opportunities to attract the right mate!
Here are 3 easy ways to get started:
1) Put Yourself Out There
If a man came to your house, knocked on your door and announced, “Hi, I’m THE ONE. Can I come in?” you’d call the police! But when you say you’re “waiting” for love to find you, that’s what you’re hoping will happen. You’ve got to put yourself out there.
That doesn’t mean you have to go to clubs or bars or places you don’t like. You can go to singles’ events & meetups in your area and meet some high-quality men! And don’t just be a wallflower. Let your guards down, put down your smartphone and flirt. Let the guys know they have the green light to approach you.
2) Looking For Love Doesn’t Mean You’re Desperate
There’s a big myth going around that looking for a man makes a woman desperate or “thirsty.” As a result, many women I talk to feel guilty for even thinking about it. The truth is, wanting a relationship where you feel respected, honored, cherished, and loved makes you human! You deserve it.
3) Say Yes More Often
My colleague April Beyer teaches singles to “Say yes to dates, meetings and opportunities. The more you say yes, the closer you are to everything your heart desires.” You don’t have to marry the person who asked you out. Just go for appetizers and explore whether there’s enough attraction there to go out again. By saying yes, you open yourself up to love coming in your life.
My hope is that by reading this, you’ll decide not to give up on dating. I know it gets challenging and exhausting, but you don’t have to do it alone!
Tell me, BMWK. Have you ever felt like giving up on dating?
About the author
Aesha Roberts wrote 9 articles on this blog.
Dr. Aesha is a matchmaker, dating coach, speaker and author of the book, Can I Help A Sister Out: How To Meet & Marry The Man of Your Dreams. After years of making painful dating mistakes, she met & married her husband in 11 short months and has made it her mission to help women and men find and keep the love of their lives.
Posted By: Yaiqab Saint
Wednesday, October 8th 2014 at 1:17PM
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