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Let's treat each other right Black people (791 hits)

My views about friendship and relationships are probably considered to be ol' school or outdated in today's culture, but I don't care. I think we, as Black people, need to stop and take a second look at how we treat each other and the way we handle our friendships. I think we can all agree that certain situations and interactions tend to reveal a person's true character and personality traits (or 'colors' as we say). As these 'true colors' begin to reveal themselves, they can have a positive or rather negative impact on a friendship or relationship's ability to thrive and grow. I think our true colors and the situational dynamics reveal them are what separate the grown folks from the kids... and the 'real people' from the fakes and flakes.

As we navigate our way through this thing called life, we will encounter many people under many circumstances and within many situations. There will be acquaintances, friendships, intimate relationships and those who are just passing through. These various relationships and encounters will teach us many things about people, but more importantly, these interactions and experiences will also teach us many things about ourselves in terms of our own strengths and weaknesses of character as they relate to our attitude, judgment and personal integrity as Black men and women. Some of us are willing to look at the 'man or woman in the mirror' and acknowledge our strong points right along with our flaws while others will only look in the mirror long enough to comb their hair and brush their teeth. The point I am making here is that many of us really need to be more conscientious and sensitive about the way we handle the concept of friendship and the way we are treat one another in relationships. I say this because I honestly believe the concept of mutual respect is tied closely to the concept of true friendship... and true friendship is also the foundation of any good romantic relationship.

I believe the level of respect we are willing to extend to others and the level of respect we expect in return are tied to our mentality, attitude and the character traits we display which reveal a certain outlook on life and opinion of certain people in our lives. Believe it or not, it is these same relationships and the interactions that occur during the course of these relationships that affect Black culture as a whole. This is why it is imperative that we all stop and do whatever we can to avoid narcissistic, toxic, violent and criminal behaviors. We need to stop and look at what we're doing to ourselves and each other when we give in to things like selfishness, jealousy or anger at one another. We need to stop abusing one another with narcissistic and toxic mind games and control tactics. We need to grow up; learn the meaning of the words 'accountability' and responsibility' when we're caught doing wrong (i.e. lying, cheating, stealing etc.), and we most definitely need to STOP imposing false narratives on one another to shift blame and impose guilt-trips on the victim(s). Some of us call all this stuff 'game', but I'll call it what it really is... which is WRONG. It is what it is.

We, as Black people, need to stop all the faking and flaking on one another, cheating, psychological/physical abuse, bullying and killing one another over dumb stuff and BS. We just flat need to learn how to stand up and refuse to be the 'products of our environment' that so many of us have come to use a convenient excuse for the toxic, shady, disloyal, unfaithful and ignorant things we do to ourselves and one another. We also make the mistake of mixing friendship with business with the expectation of credit, freebies or defaulting on a loan on behalf of one party... OR... getting by with subpar work on behalf of the another party. It just doesn't work Black people.

Is the way we treat our friendships and relationships influenced by our gene pool, upbringing, environment, past relationships or what we see on TV, online or hear in music? Well... depending on who you are; how you think and where you are in life in terms of your values, I think I can safely say that any one or more of the aforementioned influences have a certain impact on one's character traits as they relate to the way we conduct ourselves in friendships and relationships. I think it all goes back the type of person we want to be and having the self-esteem, strength of character and courage to 'do right' by others and refusing to settle for less in return. When we decide we want to end a friendship or relationship (or don't want it from the start), then we need to be mature and 'real' about it. We need to come out and have the conversation needed to end it or at least send the right signal to cut it off from the beginning. Allow me to be a little more blunt and direct here: We need to stop being fake, selfish and using people for money, s*x and to feed our shallow egos or increase our Facebook status. There... I said it!

We are starting friendships and relationships we don't really want or need, and in doing so, we are literally disrespecting our own time and NEXT person's time as well. Many of us tend to lie to ourselves and others when we say things like "I don't want to hurt his or her feelings." The truth of the matter is many of us lack something called maturity, and we cannot handle the discomfort of being HONEST! We therefore work at taking the easy way out by distancing ourselves, avoiding or outright ghosting a person so we don't have to answer for why no longer want to be friends; why we lead them on or why have not paid them back etc. It's like the way we treat one another online has spilled over into the way we treat each other right out in the open, and it's gone too far. These behaviors are mean, selfish, immature, downright disrespectful and just plain WRONG! So the next time you fake, flake, distance yourself or ghost someone under the guise of "not wanting to hurt his or her feelings"... ask yourself if what you're doing is going to make the other person feel any better? The next time you decide to 'cry po' mouth' or claim that the debt you know you owe them was a 'gift'... ask yourself "is this right?" A reasonable person can handle the truth if you have the courage and strength of character to tell it.

We, as Black people in America, cannot continue to blame socio-economic conditions and our environment for our own character flaws and our interracial problems while promoting and imposing negative values and agendas on one another because to do so is hypocritical and self-contradictory'... and it's got to stop for the sake of our progress and evolution. Are you getting my drift? Let's treat each other fairly; let's treat each other with respect, and let's treat each other right Black people. Let's replace jealousy with self-motivation. Let's replace greed with a strong work ethic. Let's replace lust with a willingness and desire to build good friendships and relationships. Let's replace anger with the love and confidence that comes with a higher self-esteem. Let's save all the distancing and ghosting for those who are genuinely toxic, and save all the violent reactions for those who pose an actual threat to our safety, health and well-being. Let's stand up; resist and rebuke the negativity that disguises itself as Black culture to hold us back!

Posted By: Gene Amadi Jakande
Tuesday, August 17th 2021 at 10:05AM
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Amen... I like and agree with this article.

Tuesday, August 17th 2021 at 4:43PM
Dea. Ron Gray Sr.
Thank you Deacon Gray, and thanks to everyone who has read this blog. Pass the word to our Black brothers and sisters.

Wednesday, August 18th 2021 at 7:12AM
Gene Amadi Jakande
You are more than welcome Gene Amadi Jakande and keep up the good work that you are doing here on Black In America.

Wednesday, August 18th 2021 at 10:49AM
Dea. Ron Gray Sr.
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