I have to ask this question because I am not sure that many people know their is a difference when it comes to a male child.
As I began to ponder this question years ago, it made me take a look at the different men that I would come in contact with as I was growing up and raising my own son.
More importantly it made me take a look at how the people in their lives interacted with them when it came to knowing the difference between needs and wants, taking responsibility for ones own actions (basically who was cleaning up the spilled milk) and were they obligated to do anything on their own and if so at what age did it start.
First let me say, that in no way am I or have I been the perfect parent. Please I made my fair share of mistakes. So back to the question at hand.
In my opinion, I don't think some people realize that from the time a male child is born, this is where the molding of his attitude, outlook and dependancy begins, but once that child gets to an age where he can begin to do somethings on his own and contribute to the day to day operation of the home, this is where some start to make the distinction of raising a son or a man.
If he can talk, read, spell and write, then he can help around the house with age appropriate chores. This can began as young as 1 or 2 yrs of age. They have toys, toys have a place, put them back in their rightful place themselves or does the parent keep putting them back, while the child watches or just goes on about their busy.
When this young man is now at an age to get his first job, usually around the age of 14yrs not unless it is a paper route or something, is he required to do so in the summer or does he just get to do whatever, while the parent (s) provide him with spending money.
If he is required to get a job, what his he allowed to spend his money on? Whatever he wants because it is his paycheck or does he have to save 10% or 15% and then use most of the remaining to start buying his school clothes (knowing that in the end whatever he can't cover the difference the parent will handle), making sure his hair is cut and having some spending money to do some of the things he likes. Basically, learning to budget his money, to appreciate money and to become independant and self sufficient.
When situations arise and we know that they will. Is he given a series of solutions to chose from , which in turn requires him to use critcal thinking or his he told "don't worry about it, I'll take care of it for you?" and then he goes on about his merry way, until you call and tell him everything is ok.
Although this is just a small list of examples the fact is are you doing everything, giving everything and requiring nothing, but good grades and a clean room in return or are you making him an active participate in his own personal growth and care for himself?
Because instilling this skills have to start early, not when he is approaching 18 and then told "now you have to be a man" how is he suppose to properly take care of himself when you the parent have done it all for him.
Of course, we as parents want our children to to have the best we can provide, but if they go through knowing that they have a saftey net then way should they be inclined to give 100%
Which leaves a few points to ponder, if you have to work to earn your money, why don't your son have to earn your money from you?
Sons call their parents everytime something foes wrong and want them to clean it up, but men call for advice and then make the decision that is best suited.
Sons put their dirty clothes in with your laundry and wait for you to not only wash them, but fold them and put them away for them, but men handle this themselves.
Sons wait until you get home to ask what is for dinner, but men already know because they have learned how to cook a meal when they were old ennough to learn safety in the kitchen.
Sons complain how dirty their room is because they know yo will clean it for them, but men just do it because it is their room and they know they are responsible for its upkeep.
So basically, I have said all that to say this. Sons are raised to be dependant on others (namely parents and girlfriends to do for them what they should be doing for themselves)
Men are raised to be independant, free thinkers and do what needs to be done. They will ask for advice, but they don't look for another to clean up their spilled milk. They also accept responsiblity for their actions, why because this is how they were raised.
Sons have their hand out asking their parent (s) for money and men get jobs early on to make their own.
So once again what are you raising a son or a man? Because how you raise them determines the outcome you will get.
Posted By: Marquerite Burgess
Sunday, August 3rd 2008 at 12:42PM
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