Hey, hey, hey ya’ll. What’s going on? I don’t know if you’ve missed Just Sayin, but I’m sure glad we’re back here together today, and honored you’ve taken time to stop by. Today,
Black Women Connect’s most popular blogger,
Vanest Freeman-Smith shares the secrets of her success and her passion for obliterating domestic violence, in an exclusive Just Sayin interview. Read on and enjoy; I know you’ll find something here to expand your thinking and enrich your day.
My Two Cents All right, ya’ll know by now I’m a verbal exhibitionist, but I ain’t feeling this one. Vanest has asked me to write about my own experiences with domestic violence, and the truth is, I don’t want to feel this one. But here goes.
Most of my life when folks would ask about my childhood, I would sum up the whole experience with, “Momma beat everybody in the house but daddy, and daddy beat up everybody.” Momma was at least predictable. Every morning we’d tip toe into the kitchen one by one and hold our breath. Who ever she spoke to first was chosen; their day would be hell, but the rest of us were safe. On the other hand, anything might set daddy off; he’d hurl his fists and demeaning slurs with the wild abandon of a toddler in the throes of a tantrum. His favorite hobby was to make me stand naked in front of him while he delivered his banal “apologies.”
Fast forward to my daughter’s dad beating me for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Took me 10 years to get sick and tired enough to get myself out of that, and 2 more to realize that a punk stood up to will run like the pathetic refuse rodent he is. Somewhere between my daddy’s house and that man’s, I was raped at gunpoint by an acquaintance. He confided his plan to steal the cashbox at a BSA fundraiser, and I warned the “brothers.” Well, bless their “revolutionary” hearts, they moved the money, but not one of them moved, or even uttered a word, when John drug me out of the party with a .22 to my head.
Do ya’ll wanna know about the breakdowns? Do you want to hear about the perpetual struggle with PTSD? I can spout a litany of trust issues, s*xual issues, self-esteem issues and issues with issues. Will that help you? If I stand naked before you, and let you count my scars, will it convince you domestic abuse is all too real and its effect are both devastating and permanent?
Look ya’ll I ain’t nobody, and my mouth certainly ain’t no prayer book. My testimony, my power is, baby, I’m still here. I’ve come through the conflagration, and yeah, I smell a little smoky, but, Glory to God, I’m still here. And I tell you, with all the love and experience, still standing can muster, if you’re being abused, GET OUT. Get out now. Don’t make excuses; don’t be diverted by imaginations of hearts, flowers and if onlys. Get out; call your momma, your sister or a shelter; don’t go for no songs and dances about obligation and praying through. He ain’t worth it; he’s not going to change, but you will. You’ll crumble and die from with-in; the fear and self-loathing will kill you. No, baby, he ain’t worth it, but you are. You are worth valuing and protecting; you’re worthy or respect and celebration. You deserve to attain every plan and purpose. I’m still here, and I can tell you, on the other side of the fire, your dreams can still come true.
Stop wondering why you’re abused. Stop trying to fix yourself and/or your abuser. Make a new decision. Decide that everyone has the right to be loved, honored and protected; take a stand that you’ll be the first to give those precious gifts to yourself. It’s not that easy, but it is just that simple. Tell the face in the mirror how much you love and value it every time you see it. Speak to yourself only good things regarding yourself; drown those negative tapes in your head with your new truth. “I am not a victim; I will not accept abuse from anyone, including myself.” It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe it right now; trust that if you keep just sayin it, you will. You’ll believe it, you’ll teach it; you…will break the cycle of violence and give birth to a new freedom of unlimited potential, not just in your own life, but in the lives, you touch/influence everyday. Just Sayin
Shout Outs In
Junk in the Trunk, Jennifer Fadipe offers valuable insight into what to consider before you marry that man.
Terence Blackett gives an esteem bolstering history lesson in
Some Rich Facts About Black Folks Taking time for yourself is crucial; finding that time is all but impossible. Holly Spence shows you the way in this excerpt from her new book
The Power of 10 Gaining Empowerment in 10 Minutes, 10 Words, 10 People Lavinia Masters and Kaffie Sledge discuss the difficulties of leaving an abuser and the struggle to heal afterward in their articles
Leaving Abusers Isn’t Easy and
Abuse and Healing.
If you or someone you know are being abused, BREAK THE SILENCE. Call the
National Domestic Violence Hotline 24/7 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
In Their Own Words with
Black Women Connect’s most popular blogger,
Vanest Freeman-Smith There is no secret to how I have built a special bond with my readers. I can only say that I treat each person as if they are my best friend on BWC. I try to respond to all messages and to those who respond to my blogs. I respect other people's opinion and do not try to force my personal beliefs on anyone. I share my beliefs, concerns and passion; however, I am always open to suggestions, advice, criticism, etc. I refuse to argue with anyone, although I have no problem engaging in a good debate.
My mind is constantly going. I, sometimes, wakeup in the middle of the night with thoughts and ideas I jot down on my notepad beside my bed. When there is something bothering me, or something I do not agree with, or question, I turn it into a blog. I love the feedback.
I have always been very passionate about anything I truly believe in. Such as, the fight against domestic violence, child abuse prevention, family, a loving marriage, children, including foster children (children in the system). I have worked in the Court System, am a foster/adoptive parent. I volunteered in domestic violence programs and work as a Community Educator, educating the public on domestic violence, rape and violence against children. I also work in a field that helps families of children with special needs, like autism. When I blog, I write from the heart. I am very sincere. May-be my readers’ pick-up on this. I not only preach I practice what I preach. I am working every day to make a difference in this sometimes-complicated world. When it comes to politics, I am just as committed. I volunteer for the Obama and Biden campaign; again, I want to make a difference. I have joined in the fight for change in America!
To sum it all up, I care about what I am doing and saying/Blogging. I have personal and professional experience in 99.9% of the topics I discuss. I am the oldest of three girls and mother of two daughters and two granddaughters. The domestic violence issue is very important to me. I do not want my children, or grandchildren to ever have to go through this. I have witnessed many horrible cases. My husband and I have also adopted boys. We want to be positive role models. What better way than to help another and hope that we can instill these same values in our own children. I am a Christian, first and foremost. I believe in the power of prayer, and I have taught my children the importance of prayer and belief in God almighty!
I truly enjoy Black Women Connect. I have met some very powerful women on this site. I enjoy reading what they have to say; they are so inspiring. In addition, the men on this site are just as inspirational. Thank you Michelle and Just Sayin, and thank you BWC.
Vanest has recently launched the
Domestic Violence Support Network. Log on and lend your voice to the fight against domestic violence.
Learn Me Something Dr. Ahmad Glover tells us how to bring order to our finances in his “Gut Check”
Get Your Hand Out Of My Pocket My View of the News See ya’ll, I keep harping on Sarah Palin being a walking, talking diversionary tactic and all over cyberspace, the discussion is still about her. I don’t think ya’ll are hearing me. Real talk. Sarah Palin is all but incidental. I know, a breath away, but barring assassination, John McCain will likely be alive and lucid eight years from now. American streets may resemble those of Iraq if we elect him, but anyway…As VP, Palin’s power is undefined and based on the Republican’s real attitude toward women, likely to be entirely decorative. While I agree with the Governor from Alaska that a dog and a pig are different animals, lipstick just doesn’t fascinate me, and if I want baby daddy drama, I can call my daughter. Irrelevant, tacky, chicken-not-salad packaged in flash and false emotion for your entertainment. Why do I keep harping on this?
Sarah Palin is slight of hand ya’ll; she’s the recreation. The Republicans intend to win and spotlight her as the reason why. I don’t know if the girl even knows she’s being pimped, but I can tell you she is. And we’re the trick. While everybody is focused on the pretty little lady, the GOP is quietly stealing our right to vote. Yeah stealing, eliminating voters from the rolls without notification, implementing confusing legislation weeks before the election and side stepping Federal law citing local statutes. STEALING. Do I have your attention yet?
As many as half of the eligible voters in our communities are unregistered, and nearly a third of those registered are vulnerable to systematic, illegal disenfranchisement.
The Brennan Center for Justice and Advancement Project warns that a Florida law, effective September 8, 2008, could disenfranchise tens of thousands. Intentional or ill advised? Previous enforcement of this legislation is documented to have blocked 16,000 eligible Florida citizens from registering to vote. Kansas, Michigan and Louisiana all stand accused of illegally purging registered voters from the roles in violation of The National Voter Registration Act. One Kansas Deputy Assistant Secretary of State revealed, “Kansas has a ‘memorandum of understanding’ with 11 states to share databases that can be used to clean up voter files. Those states are Missouri, Nebraska, Iowa, Minnesota, South Dakota, Texas, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Colorado, New Mexico and Arizona.” (
entire article) Arizona, hummmm, now why does that state ring a bell? If you get past all of that with your right to vote intact, do not exhale. You’ve barely cleared the first hurdle. Your path to the polls is still riddled with booby traps and stumbling blocks. Everything from unprocessed voter registrations to partisan challenges and poll worker shortages can still frustrate your efforts. See
Seven Ways Your Vote May Not Count This November Barack Obama not withstanding, the game is still the same. While we’re caught up in the heir apparent to The Dream, while we ostensively protect him from the self-proclaimed domestic animal in lipstick, we dishonor Martin and Medgar. We dishonor our mothers Fannie Lou and Miss Rosa. The battle they led, the battle to which they dedicated their lives, is far from won. It’s been 44 years since James Chaney, Andrew Goodman and Michael Schwerner were murdered fighting for our right to vote. Put pregnant teens and hockey moms aside; remember why so many lived, struggled and died, and don’t allow history to record their efforts, their sacrifices, their murders an in vain. Just Sayin.
If you are not registered to vote in this critical presidential election,
REGISTER NOW. Forfeit your right to participate; forfeit your voice. Just Sayin
A Provocative Question Curious to know what a man thinks about domestic violence? See Gregory Gulley’s comments on
Still Holding no Stones Just Sayin seeks to offer a sampling of the best member contributions across the Connect Platform family of networks. Please stop by your network’s Just Sayin group and tell us about a new blog, video, group or network that excites you.
Again I appreciate you taking the time to read Just Sayin; I hope you found it entertaining and informative. If you know a new blog, blogger, video, group or network you’d like to see featured in Just Sayin or if you have suggestions on how we can improve, stop by your network’s Just Sayin group and tell Just Sayin about it.
Do me a favor? Stay just a minute more and leave a comment. I’m grateful for the opportunity to share with you and I care what you think. So please don’t go without having your Just Sayin. Peace.
Just Sayin Copyright © 2008 Michelle Roberts
Posted By: Michelle Diane
Sunday, September 14th 2008 at 2:16PM
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