The Queen's Chair: People Who Don't Have Children Shouldn't Offer Parental Advice
I love when people who don't have children, tell parents how to raise their children. I think they should just keep their mouths shut. I hate it even more when people who have pets call their pets their kids/babies. That's just downright insulting.
There's a big difference between children and pets. Children are conceived (either on purpose or accidentally) born after nine months of labor. Pets are acquired by most adults either in stores, shelters, or pounds. With children the real work starts from day one and gets harder. Not the case with animals.
Recently, a friend of mine offered me unsolicited advice about my child. The problem was she had no clue what she was talking about. She has no children and her advice was based on what other people who had grown children told her. I didn't get mad, but quickly had to correct her.
The problem with her "sources" was that parents with grown children suffer from what I call "selective amnesia." They remember the good times more than the bad because they got through the "terrible two's", "the chauffeur/taxi driving stage", "the sporting events stage" , "the chorale/band concert and dance recital stage", "peer pressure", "the teenage years" and the "senioritis stage." Then once your children are out the door, they can breathe a sigh of relief and get their house back.
The other problem that I had is she is a godmother to another mutual friend's two children. When our friend's daughter got out of hand, she thought just talking to her would help; it didn't. She ended up having to punish the child and then had second thoughts about being a "godmother" when she had to intervene for the first time. I didn't like that.
It's like she didn't know that children are constantly testing and challenging you. They question your beliefs and think that they have a say about EVERYTHING in your house. They don't. As I told my child, she can do whatever she wants in her own house. I pay the mortgage here and she has no rights.
As a parent, you want the best for your child. It's a 24-7 type of job. The pay sucks, but the rewards are great. You don't get to give back your child when the going gets tough. Being a parent is at least an 18-year commitment. You try to teach your child YOUR values and hope that by age 17 or 18, they have learned by your example.
I wrote an earlier blog (I Have A Teenager In My House, Pray For Me) and based on the comments that I received I could tell who was a parent. A lot of them had been through similar situations. There also was a comment from someone I could tell WASN'T raising a child let alone couldn't be a parent. He took my blog at face value. He didn't get my "parental" sarcasm.
With that said, I made a choice to be a parent and I'm happy with my decision. I may complain about my children's "growing pains" and the adventures, they put me through, but I wouldn't trade my mommy experiences and go back to my single life. I know I'm not selfish and I know I have a big heart and have a lot of love to give. I also know that being a single parent is quite a "balancing act."
You can't learn about a child in books or watching TV. Pretending your pet is a child doesn't work in my book. IT'S A PET. You may hear other stories from parents of today and yesteryear. The only way, you're going to find out the real deal is to raise a child yourself.
There's a big difference between children and pets. Children are conceived (either on purpose or accidentally) born after nine months of labor. Pets are acquired by most adults either in stores, shelters, or pounds. With children the real work starts from day one and gets harder. Not the case with animals.
Recently, a friend of mine offered me unsolicited advice about my child. The problem was she had no clue what she was talking about. She has no children and her advice was based on what other people who had grown children told her. I didn't get mad, but quickly had to correct her.
The problem with her "sources" was that parents with grown children suffer from what I call "selective amnesia." They remember the good times more than the bad because they got through the "terrible two's", "the chauffeur/taxi driving stage", "the sporting events stage" , "the chorale/band concert and dance recital stage", "peer pressure", "the teenage years" and the "senioritis stage." Then once your children are out the door, they can breathe a sigh of relief and get their house back.
The other problem that I had is she is a godmother to another mutual friend's two children. When our friend's daughter got out of hand, she thought just talking to her would help; it didn't. She ended up having to punish the child and then had second thoughts about being a "godmother" when she had to intervene for the first time. I didn't like that.
It's like she didn't know that children are constantly testing and challenging you. They question your beliefs and think that they have a say about EVERYTHING in your house. They don't. As I told my child, she can do whatever she wants in her own house. I pay the mortgage here and she has no rights.
As a parent, you want the best for your child. It's a 24-7 type of job. The pay sucks, but the rewards are great. You don't get to give back your child when the going gets tough. Being a parent is at least an 18-year commitment. You try to teach your child YOUR values and hope that by age 17 or 18, they have learned by your example.
I wrote an earlier blog (I Have A Teenager In My House, Pray For Me) and based on the comments that I received I could tell who was a parent. A lot of them had been through similar situations. There also was a comment from someone I could tell WASN'T raising a child let alone couldn't be a parent. He took my blog at face value. He didn't get my "parental" sarcasm.
With that said, I made a choice to be a parent and I'm happy with my decision. I may complain about my children's "growing pains" and the adventures, they put me through, but I wouldn't trade my mommy experiences and go back to my single life. I know I'm not selfish and I know I have a big heart and have a lot of love to give. I also know that being a single parent is quite a "balancing act."
You can't learn about a child in books or watching TV. Pretending your pet is a child doesn't work in my book. IT'S A PET. You may hear other stories from parents of today and yesteryear. The only way, you're going to find out the real deal is to raise a child yourself.
I know before I had a baby, I was really different and therefore saw the world from a different pair of spectacles. There is something about oxytoxin and all those hormones that change a woman's heart and mind during those months we incubate the baby in our wombs that prepares us for nurturing and mothering. I even see other people's children now whereas before I would walk by little children without looking. As a parent, I notice everything about kids from their smiles to the way their parent's make their hair, to how they are dressed. I watch out for them as I want them to be protected and safe. It's funny because I can see myself as the friend you are talking about who has no kids, but gives plenty of advice as if she's an authority. ((Lol)) I'm so glad that I can say that USED to be me.