Blood on the Floor
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Posted By: Michelle Diane on November 13, 2010 Went to see “Colored Girls” the other night. It broke me down, ripped me open, left me **** and bleeding profusely. Before I find my clothes and clean up the crusting blood, I want to talk to ya’ll. Can somebody please tell me WTF is going on? Everywhere I turn, I see us hating on, hating each other. I’m too yellow; he’s too black. She’s educated; he’s not. He got out of the ghetto; she’s walking the stroll. She says, “A Salaam Alaikum”; he says, “Praise the Lord”. In this Amerikkka where we’ve been begging for acceptance for nearly 5 centuries, we can’t even, won’t even accept and love ourselves? Dr. Laura can’t say **** without losing her job and she was just asking a question. Yet we say it to each other every day, through our actions and out our mouths and don’t fix your mouth to tell me it’s some privileged term of endearment. We spit it with the vitriol, disdain and hate no wanting to keep breathing Caucasian has dared to muster since the 80s – at least not publicly. I hear you muttering, but stop with the BS; this ain’t about DR. Laura; it’s about you and me. See I was there sister COGIC when you called brother NOI by that name. Oh don’t gloat brother flagman; I heard what you called sister PHD when she walked by, nose held so high a raindrop would drown her. And girlfriend I didn’t miss what you said about my dreads. It ain’t just you; I’m guilty too. I said the same when you rolled your eyes from up under that weave. Are we ever going to grow past the point where you judge my freckles and I your big thighs? I know when you became my enemy; it was the day that black girl cut my hand to see if I bled black or white. I never forgave you for not understanding that the price of yellow skin is ****. I couldn’t/can’t understand why you don’t know how desperately I need you. Why don’t know that it is only in your ebony skin that I can see reflected that which is royal and unashamed in me. I know the anger I feel when I see that word in your eyes, is rooted in the love I have for you. The love I am afraid to share, because I fear your rejection. I have never fit the definition of “Black enough” or even been able to determine concretely what that is. But I know that I love you. Our babies/my babies are dying daily in droves on street corners and in jails, babies that I/you love. Our children are giving over their minds to **** and their bodies to HIV in staggering numbers, and look at us, too busy infighting to do anything about it. Yeah we whine and protest, but even that is rendered ineffectual by our factions and fractures. There’s another **** child in the street, unarmed and college, no graveyard, bound and we exact no justice, not even meaningful retribution, because we’re too busy fighting about whether Al, Tavis or some faction of wanna be Panthers is going to get the TV time. I’ll say it; **** please – like any of them are relevant beyond giving the white media somebody to label a black leader, because Lord and Allah know we ain’t got one. What is it going to take for us to say yes God? I apologize to my Islamic brothers and sisters; I don’t know the Koran, but in the Bible God asks, ”How can you say you love me who you cannot see and hate your brother who you can see?” I’m asking too. How can we say we’re revolutionaries when we only love Africans and only them if they think like us? How can we say we’re Christians if we refuse to shine light in those places we’ve labeled dark? I can’t quote your scripture but I’m guessing it’s counterproductive NOI, to dismiss your unenlightened, under or mis-educated brother/sister as a fool. Take a look around my sister, my brother. We must lay our issues with one another out on the table, clean out the infection and let our wounds heal. We must admit our deep and eternal need for each other – my blood runs through your blood runs though your/my veins. Whatever our ideological/theological disagreements they do not transcend our love for our children, our need to eat or our desire/right to live in a world where the courts do not rule it justifiable **** when a young man dies for driving his car while being black. For the sake of all we hold dear, can we change our focus? When I see you/you see me today, can we look to our sameness? I will honor the scars on your hands from picking cotton; if you’ll remember and honor how yellow came to be and let us never again forget, that though unseen, we share the scars on our backs, hearts and spirits. Let us ask forgiveness of each other for all we’ve assumed, forgotten and ignored; let us extend forgiveness to each other for all we’ve suffered. My sisters, let us no longer blame our men because they couldn’t protect or provide for us and brothers, your anger is misdirected. We did not ask to be **** nor to live in fear that uplifting your manhood would cost you and us your life. It ain’t my fault; it ain’t your fault. Still I’m sorry for the pain, the degradation, the loneliness and fear I blamed you for and I forgive you, for like me, being trapped in this place that dared you be what I needed, what you needed, what you/I/we were created to be. I love you with everything I am or ever will be and I implore, admonish and beg you to love one another. I’ve made it my business to study revolutionaries from Jesus to George Jackson. Know what they all have in common? They all knew that lasting change could only be born of completely committed, conscious love. I’ma put my clothes on now. If you enjoyed this article, Join BlackInAmerica.com today for similar content and opportunities via email! |
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Michelle Diane
Writer/Editor, Self UT at Arlington class of 2012 Member Since August 2008 |
Comments
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Hi Michelle, your writing is beautiful. Been thinking of you lately, got behind on my email, so I owe you a couple. Stick around for a while, okay?
Saturday, November 13th 2010 at 12:20PM |
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Poweful Michelle...Thanks for sharing...True!
Saturday, November 13th 2010 at 1:06PM |
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Thanks to all for stopping by and taking time to read; you are deeply appreciated. Not going anywhere Adam; home to stay.
Saturday, November 13th 2010 at 1:28PM |
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Gregory V. Boulware, Esq.
/* Assistant Managing Director at Managing Director's Office, City of Philadelphia SANKOFA... Now, how many will and profess to and practice of the beautiful words that you so eloquantly and profoundly project - besides You and I? Well done...well put, Beautiful Sister. Peace and Love, Greg. http://ezinearticles.com/?expert_bio=Grego... http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/8140... http://www.blogger.com/profile/10910946197... http://www.BoulwareEnterprises.com */ Saturday, November 13th 2010 at 1:29PM |
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Hi Michelle, Keep expressing your gift- in due season you will reap, if you faint not. Love and forgiveness is the key for everyone (red and yellow, black and white) and every situation! " When I kept it all inside, my bones turned to powder, my words became daylong groans. The pressure never let up; all the juices of my life dried up. Then I let it all out; I said, 'I'll make a clean breast of my failures to God.' Suddenly the pressure was gone— my guilt dissolved, my sin disappeared." Psalm 32:3-5 (The Message) Keep writing Michelle, don't ever give up- the best is yet to come! Joyce www.womensempowermentseminars.com Saturday, November 13th 2010 at 1:54PM |
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Hello Michele, It seems to me that the very foundation of your blog is how Black America's leaders and our intellectuals have been spinning their wheels over the past 500 years coming up with no concrete solution. In addition, we all ways do the same thing as all the posters have done which is to praise a remarkable narrative. We praise the speech, "I have a dream". We praise the speech, "the bullet on the ballot". We praise the speech, "no justice no peace". Am I right or am I wrong? What it is that we neither know nor understand is that our only permanent solution is our sovereignty or having complete independence from White America on a portion of this continent that we could call our very own country with borders to worship God, pursue life, liberty, happiness and prosperity in our own way? Black America and White America are entirely two different people even though White Americans are our biological relatives. Anyway, when are we going to put to rest these remarkable speeches and work towards seeing ourselves as a legitimate sovereign nation as other sovereign nations are? Our sovereignty is going to happen. Everything that I say is going to happen. Tell me what you think. Saturday, November 13th 2010 at 2:16PM |
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Michelle.... Simply Awesome!
Sunday, November 14th 2010 at 1:12AM |
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Good morning all. Thank you Cynthia; your words are a wonderful day starter. And Harry, my brother, I love you, but as usual, I haven't a clue where you're coming from. I'm not sure what you read, but the foundation of my blog is LOVE. Harry, the fault finding, name calling etc. that so many, including you, engage in as a matter of course is far more counterproductive, counterrevolutionary, than misguided ideology/theology. I think until we learn to relate from a position of love we will continue to be our own worst enemy and it will remain certain that the revolution will not be televised, because it cannot be organized. Harry, I hope you know my love for you, but my brother, I think the place for us to begin our march forward from here is with a refusal to tolerate brothers and sisters who cannot express their position/opinion respectfully, that the nonnegotiable rules of engagement deem not worthy of hearing ANY that would insult, demean or apply foul labels to anyone who shares their blood, history, desires or concerns. Those who instigate and perpetuate in fighting should be consistently given the attention the deserve - NONE. Sunday, November 14th 2010 at 9:12AM |
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