HELP!!! THIS IS LONG BUT I NEED INSIGHT!
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Posted By: Felicia Myrick-Samuels on October 03, 2008 I work in the non-profit world and at times it is worst than the political world. Came in contact with a fellow who did 10 years Fed(drug charge, currently unemployed and works with neighborhood kids), also came across an old white lady that lives smack in the middle of the 'hood, has money, has clout and endless contacts-but she is an activist for that community-that BLACK COMMUNITY(has made the City fix roads, drainage problems,infrastructure and helped reduce crime) !!! Well, the old lady is very brash and sometimes rude-she acts like a Big Mama! Well the fellow wants to start a program for kids, the old lady has acquired property in the area to build a Community Center, I thought great we can all work together! Well, she was instrumental in sending the fellow to Federal Prison, so, when I introduced them she called him out, he was clearly upset. After the meeting, she let me know that she was proud of him and she'll do anything possible to help him out and work with him. We all met at my office for a second meeting. Well what I didn't know was the fellow was still upset about her calling him out (but it was only us 3 around when she said it and I must admit it was tastless) also that the fellow hasn't done any paperwork to get Incorporated, nor has he done his 1023. The old lady addressed this latter situation, letting him know that she would not stick her neck out for him if he's not at least Incorporated. Then she offered him help in getting Incorporated. He blew his top!!! Accused the lady of trying to tell him what to do and how to do it! I was floored at his reaction! So, I tried to be a peacemaker and see if I could put her words in NI99A terms, 'hood words, ebonix! He turned on me and called both of us hipocrits(?)! Told us that he wasn't concerned with all that 'paperwork shyt' that he just doing stuff for the kids, trying to get known! That we would not tell him how to run 'his' program and then continued to spit out all sorts of I's, Me's and My's! Told us about his Degrees and college education and he knows everything he's supposed to know about the law! So, I got 'hood with him and let him know that if he knew so much his paperwork would be done, his Board would be picked, his 501(c)3 status would be in! He interjected that a City Councilman offered to do it for him-I pointed out that if a City Councilman was doing all this for him, that 'his' precious program would be run by that City Councilman! This negro looked me in my eyes and told me:"Felicia, I'm not gone argue with you! If I wanted to argue with a woman I'll go home with my wife!" OMG!!! I nearly lost it, but the old lady grabbed my arm and she nicely dismissed him! Now, my problem is this: 1) How can you mentor kids on respecting others, the law and following the rules if you aren't? 2) Why would you put yourself in harms way legally? Just do the damn paperwork! 3) The way he presents himself in regards to women(not the 1st time he's been gender biased), he's not ready to mentor girls and especially todays young men! 4) How can he mentor kids about looking beyond the 'hood, if he has no viable accomplishments and no job! He just looks for ways that he can be on T.V. and in the paper-meanwhile his wife that he can go home and argue with pays all the bills and takes care of the family! 5) How can you mentor kids on your mistakes if you are afraid and get offended when someone brings up your past! and last but not least 6) He lost the focus of the whole discussion and put all of the focus on he, himself and him! When will Black Americans stop attaching the rewards of good deeds to fame and fortune! There is a lot more, but that's the meat and potatoes of it! But, I felt disrespected, embarassed as a race, mortified by his behavior and frankly hurt beacuse I really wanted to help and work with him! Somebody please help me put this situation into prospective! If you enjoyed this article, Join BlackInAmerica.com today for similar content and opportunities via email! |
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Felicia Myrick-Samuels
Community Organizer, AmeriCorps/LISC/RADO Member Since August 2008 |
Comments
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There really is no perspective for this situation. MOST PEOPLE would feel that he is not ready to handle this type of endeavor because of his lack of preparation, lack of communication skills, and big "I" little "u" attitude. There will always be obstacles in life, but it's the way that you face these obstacles that really matter. If you are disgruntled because someone questioned you, how will you react if one of the children do it? Friday, October 3rd 2008 at 2:03AM |
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I feel your pain... sometimes trying to organize community support is like herding cats. One of the biggest mistakes you can make as a nonprofit manager is to assume that everyone who wants to help is someone that needs to help. Remember that there's a big difference between just wanting to participate, and being qualified to participate. Imagine if a company hired anyone and everyone willing to show up for work... how much do you think would get accomplished? One of the most important skills in the nonprofit sector is diplomacy, and the ability to find common ground with other people and organizations. I'm glad to see a Brother willing to step up and make positive change in the community... but if he can't communicate effectively and get along with others, he becomes a liability to himself, your organization, and anyone he comes into contact with. The same goes for your other supporters. I'll admit, the 1023 process can be very time consuming and intimidating for anyone who isn't experienced with business plan development or grantwriting. Needless to say, you can't really accomplish anything significant as a nonprofit without funding (which requires 501c3) or liability insurance (which requires incorporation) so that is the right starting point. If that's not the path he wants to take, he can always volunteer with an existing organization, or mentor kids one-on-one. www.baltimorerenaissance.org Friday, October 3rd 2008 at 9:27AM |
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Was there any point in the conversation where either of you tried to boost his ego, instead of telling him all the things he wasn't doing, or was doing poorly? Men respond well to ego boosting, and are more apt to listen to constructive critisism when they feel they are at least doing something right. Perhaps you both could make him feel better about what he has accomplished, teaching him some of the things he will most definitely need in helping children, and be more encouraging toward directing him to what he still needs to accomplish. It is only a suggestion. I have three (four if you count my husband) boys, and they would attempt to walk on water if I could just come up with three things they are doing well. The hard part is being encouraging when they are acting like total butts! WWJD? We are transformed by the renewing of our minds, and that would apply to each of you, as well as myself and the kids you mentioned him wanting to help. As far as him getting help from the city, "feed a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and he can eat for the rest of his life." Hope the advice helps, pass it on if you feel you should, or discard it, either way, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. GB Friday, October 3rd 2008 at 9:45AM |
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It seems that this fellow is all talk. It's very easy to come up with a plan and but its a totally different thing to put it into action. It takes motivation and drive. It seems as if he lacks both. My advice...get out now. He has proved himself to be an explosive and very unstable, unpredictable individual. He is not able to take constructive criticism and quite frankly is not role model material. Also it seems that focus is on becoming famous. His intentions appear to be far from pure. So what happens if he doesn't get recognized??? Don't waste the time and energy or money on this clown. Tell him there's nothing you can do for him until his paperwork is done. If he doesn't like it he can find some other means to make it happen.
Friday, October 3rd 2008 at 10:22AM |
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Lesley, Yes I did boost his ego and I did truthfully tell him that he was doing very well in the community! I even told him that he could continue doing the work that is needed on the ground level and that I'd stay in the background and simply do the approved paperwork, but he is very adamant that he does not 'need' to be incorporated nor does he need to have his 1023 paperwork done! But, once a month he takes kids from the neighborhood on clean-ups around a very dangerous creek in the area. I've applauded his actions from day 1, but I can't (nor can he) afford to partner with him and neither of us has a legal leg to stand on if-God forbid-anything happens to 1 of those kids! But, to answer your question-YES, I KISSED HIS BUTT!!! Friday, October 3rd 2008 at 10:26AM |
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I just wanted to make sure you were in the right place, and apparently you are. I agree with TG, if his intentions are far from pure, there is no place for you to help him. Daddy says, a man that is an heretick after the first and second admonition reject; so do what your heart says do. I know now that your heart is in the right place, and if he is unable to take reproof, he is a fool and unworthy to teach and train our youth in the way that they should go. Perhaps he doesn't see clearly, how profound his "calling" really is. That is a very dangerous place for him and those kids to be. Daddy also says, to avoid foolish questions, and genealogies, and contentions, and strivings about the law; for they are unprofitable and vain. I pray for you all, though I only have your name. God knows the deal, I am just a thread in the chord. Daddy's got your back, as do I. Look for good things to happen, soon. Be blessed, and thank you for being a blessing. Plant your seed in good ground. This man has too many stones left in his dirt to throw. All things work together for good to those who believe, and I know that all will be well with you, your co-workers, and those kids! Oh, and don't kiss his butt, it will only make your breath smell like poo! He definitely needs to know that we can't do anything alone, and we reap what we sew! Thank you for your kind response, and keep steppin'. Loving you and all you do! GB
Friday, October 3rd 2008 at 10:48AM |
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As much as I would like to not admit it, this guy isn't ready. Perhaps he needs to go thru a program to be mentored before he starts an endeavor of this kind. You tried sister.
Friday, October 3rd 2008 at 2:41PM |
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Jen Fad...my sentiments exactly! I guess that's why it bothered me so much! I expected more than I received! I mean especially since he had attended some business classes-I thought maybe he had business etiquette! Well 'my' boss told me today that it's good that I found out now, before I wasted the company's and my, time and resources! So, I thank you all for your comments!
Friday, October 3rd 2008 at 9:29PM |
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Talk is cheap. Actions cost something. He's not ready. ...sounds more like lip service than community service. At least you learned early and BEFORE you stuck your neck out and cosigned on the madness. Blessings... Saturday, October 4th 2008 at 12:10AM |
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