By Black Love And Marriage.com on July 29, 2011
In Becoming One
By Ilex Bien-Aime
A few weeks ago my wife and I watched two movies. The movies were titled “No Strings Attached” and “Better Than s*x.” The premise of “No Strings Attached” is that the two main characters would begin a s*xual relationship that would continue but only if they remained true to the promise of not falling for each other. In “Better Than s*x” the characters decide to have a one night stand and think that this would not be that big of a deal because the male character in the story was to leave town for good in three days.
Though you may have never seen these movies, you have probably seen many movies just like these. Ultimately the characters begin to develop feelings for each other. They try to deny their feelings but in the end they begin to pursue a relationship and live happily ever after. Unfortunately this is not the real world. Sure some people have gotten together based on one night stands and or casual s*xual encounters but this is definitely the exception to the rule.
We have already established that men and women view things differently. For the most part s*x is just s*x for the male. Have there been times when a man wanted more than just a casual s*xual encounter with a woman, of course. Have there been times when a woman only wanted s*x and nothing more, of course. Yet we must realize that these are not the rules, they are the exceptions to the rules.
I cannot tell you how many times a girlfriend of mine has gotten her feelings hurt because she tried to play this crazy game. Think of the times when you said to yourself or others that you were a grown woman and if you wanted to have s*x, that is what you were going to do. Now think about the times that you said this and ultimately regretted having s*x. It seemed like a good idea at the time because your hormones were raging but when it was all said and done, you felt empty because of it. When asked can a woman be friends with benefits Dr. Laura Berman writes in The Book of Love, “It’s possible, but there’s a catch-22. If a tumble is satisfyingly complete for a woman, her brain becomes flooded with the bonding chemical oxytocin. Most women won’t be able to have good s*x with you and not become attached.”
So many times I have heard women claim that they see s*x in a different light than men. They say that s*x is more than just the physical and that it is also an emotional bound. So than I ask, how do you think that you can just have casual s*x, if you need an emotional bound? Do you think that you can train yourself to get rid of your emotions? Do you think that like these Hollywood movies that one day you will meet the man of your dreams while having meaningless s*x with him? How long will you continue claiming one thing, while pursuing the total opposite? Do the rules not apply to you because you are the one exception to them?
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Friday, July 29th 2011 at 10:23PM
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