By BMWK Staff | on September 15th, 2011
by Briana Myricks
On May 20, 2011, I defied a few odds. After three years of teenage dating, ten months of cohabiting, and six months of engagement, I married my high school sweetheart. At the age of 20, I went from girlfriend, to fiancé, to wife. I did this with a high school diploma, no baby, and a guy who’s the same age and race as me: 20 and black. I became a rare breed. What I didn’t realize was that I had opened up an entirely new can of worms. I had even more statistics to face. My battle had just begun.
The past couple of years, the media has bombarded me with this idea that black women are undesirable. I was unaware. With a community of Beyonce lovers and Halle Berry worshippers, I didn’t have the slightest clue where this sudden explosion of coverage came from. Suddenly, my fellow black women weren’t good enough. We had to take what was given to us. We were being coaxed into thinking like a man, considering interracial dating, or God forbid finding a bis*xual man who would be bothered with us. Depending on who you asked, we were to blame. Depending on which black woman you asked, we didn’t have many options. I was perplexed.
I didn’t understand because I had a young black man who was interested in me, and I never thought I was in the ranks of the beautiful celebrities I listed. I wasn’t rich, I wasn’t famous, I wasn’t light skinned (that’s a completely different conversation in its own right). I was a hardworking, intelligent young lady who was attractive to some. But women just like me were being told they were never going to get married. But I did. He’s not white, he’s never been in jail, he’s heteros*xual, and he has no kids. It made me think, “Is the media just trippin’ or did I just hit the jackpot?”
I did a bit of research to see what exactly I was up against and what I should prepare for.
•60% of marriages for couples between the ages of 20 and 25 end in divorce. (National Center for Health Statistics)
•Research indicates that people who live together prior to getting married are more likely to have marriages that end in divorce. (The Boston Herald)
•Children of divorce have a higher risk of divorce when they marry. (Journal of Marriage and the Family)
Well, let’s see. We’re both turning 21 soon, we moved in together while we were still dating, and both of my parents’ marriages ended. The odds look like they’ve turned against me. So I did some further digging to see if there was a way these odds could potentially be decreased.
These statistics are from “The State of Our Unions – Marriage in America 2010″ Report by The University of Virginia.
•If you earn over $50,000 annually, you decrease your risk of divorce by 30%
•If you graduated from college, you decrease your risk of divorce by 25%
•If you have a baby 7 months into your marriage, 24%
• If you marry over 25 years old, 24%
•If your parents are still together, 14%
•If you have a religious affiliation, 14%
We’ve both hit periods of unemployment recently; so long $50,000. We haven’t graduated yet. We don’t plan on getting pregnant in the first year of our marriage and we’re under 25. But my husband’s parents are still together, and we both have a religious affiliation. We have 28% more hope. I’m sure the statistics are even more alarming if you just survey the black community.
My point is, as a young black wife, the odds are most certainly against me. The statistics insist that my marriage to my husband simply won’t last. I’m committed to defying those odds like I did before. I active read blogs like this one, as well as marriage books. I consult my Bible and learn from other couples along the way. I refuse to be a statistic in those kinds of studies. I rather be included in a new one: young black marriages that survive.
How old were you when you got married? What advice would you give a young newlywed couple like Briana and her husband?
Briana is a freelance writer, blogger and newlywed. Check out her adventures in matrimony at 20andengaged.com
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Thursday, September 15th 2011 at 10:59AM
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