Black and Married With Kids
A Positive Image of Marriage and Family
by Tiya Cunningham-Sumter | on May 14th, 2012
Walking, talking, eating, tying shoes and brushing teeth are just a few of the things parents are responsible for teaching children. In addition to those basic necessities, children also need to be taught life skills. Things like how to pay attention to their surroundings or how to protect themselves from stranger danger are necessary lessons to ensure their overall safety. Now when it comes to matters of the heart, things get a little bit tricky.
Love and relationships are strange animals that can’t really be taught. Conversations can be had on how to avoid falling for the bad boy or bad girl. Discussing the signs of unhealthy relationships can also be shared. But how to be, act or love in a relationships isn’t all that simple. Parents already know what we desire to have our children learn about relationships and marriage; but telling them is one thing. There are certain ideals that have to be displayed consistently to truly understand. Children might hear what we say and apply it to their future unions, but they will definitely repeat what they learned by observing the relationships that are placed in front of them. A couple who fights constantly in front of their children will more than likely produce children who think this behavior is normal in a marriage. A couple, who is loving and gentle with one another, will more than likely produce children who seek loving and gentle partners.
It’s easy to lose sight of this fact when we are caught up in a moment of anger, rage, frustration and constant disagreement with our spouses. Typically at this point, we just want to get our spouse told, prove how right we are and even shut our partner down. We are quite aware how unhealthy a scream match is not just for our union, but for the family as a whole. But we fail to recognize the lasting impact this has on the little people we are responsible for raising up.
If not for ourselves, we must make sure the lessons our children leave our house with are ones we can be proud of. So, teaching them how to have a healthy disagreement, by having one in front of them is needed. Sharing frequent warm hugs or loving affection with a spouse in front of them also greatly contributes to the future spouses they will become. Talking to a spouse with love in the tone, speech and words goes a longer way than you can ever imagine.
In addition to teaching the basics, we have to responsible with our love actions. We are the people our children will get their first sample of a relationship from; we can’t take this task lightly. We have everything we need to provide them with the proper guidance and direction. Let’s teach our children, how to be great “future” spouses, by being great spouses ourselves, starting today.
BMWK, what type of “future” spouse is your marriage teaching your children to be?
About the author
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Founder of Life Editing. Tiya was featured in Ebony Magazine in the October 2008 and November 2010 issues. Tiya recently created and launched (Tuesdays with Tiya) Life Editing Radio show on blogtalkradio.com. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children.
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Tuesday, May 15th 2012 at 8:01AM
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