By Tiya Cunningham-Sumter | on October 4th, 2012
Black Married With Kids .com
A Positive Image of Marriage and Family
When I got married I was not very familiar with the idea of creating a list for what I wanted in a mate. It was clear to me the qualities that the man I married needed to have. I actually enjoy hearing people share their lists. Some are very detailed and get into the specifics of height and skin complexion. Others go beyond the surface and touch on the values and morals needed in their future spouse.
My list, apparently, was all in my head and was formulated by what I experienced in the relationships around me. While I didn’t have it written out, I was sure of what I didn’t want in a man. My mental listing included a man who was honest, wouldn’t cheat on me, respected me and made me laugh. Unfortunately, before I married, I was young and hadn’t developed a real relationship with God, so a man who was led by God was not initially on that list. I am grateful that God still knew what was best for me.
During my dating phase I could always recognize the type of guy to hold on to and the one that was just for fun. For the most part, I think the majority of us who have dated know who the good catches are. Sometimes we hold on tight to them and occasionally we throw them back in a search for something different, and regret it later. And whether our list is on paper or in our head, we know the qualities that make for a great spouse. Some of us choose to discount those qualities or hope that a certain person would develop them at some point. If we aren’t careful, we can easily overlook a wonderful mate because our eyes are set on the perfect person who actually matches a (sometimes unrealistic) list. We must keep in mind, we all have imperfections.
If I ever were to develop a list of what I desired in a mate, it would definitely include the qualities my husband possesses. I want a man who loves God and acts accordingly and one who is always respectful, patient, gentle, loving and giving. Of course in order to attract the person on any list we create, we must first be all of those things as well.
BMWK, did you have a list and does your spouse match that list?
About the author
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach and founder of Life Editing. She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya was featured in Ebony Magazine in the October 2008 and November 2010 issues. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children.
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Thursday, October 4th 2012 at 1:20PM
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