A wise man once wrote, “You cannot properly love anyone unless your first love yourself.” I accepted that statement but I didn’t really understand what it meant. I always figured that I did love myself. Who doesn’t? But as I came to have a better understanding of what LOVE really is, I saw that in fact, I did not love myself PROPERLY.
When we look at this word “love” different things come to mind for different people. Some view it as an emotion defined as this deep down sensation that drives you to want to spend the rest of your life with another. Some say that it makes you sacrifice for another at times to the detriment of your own well being. Also it is written, what greater love than to give one’s own life for another. These are all very interesting and deep concepts, and all very true. But how do any of the above apply to loving yourself? All the above are EXTERNAL expressions of love.
I’ve heard people say, “I love myself” then turn around and poison themselves to death by smoking cigarettes, eating absolutely the wrong foods, risking their lives for s*xual conquests, risking their lives to portray a false image of success by stealing and even killing others. Also, accepting a concept of them self that says they are inferior to the rest of humanity. That’s not love, that’s hate. We mask that hate with blaming it on how good the cigarette makes us feel. How good the harmful and even deadly foods taste. How beautiful that person looked. So beautiful, that you had to cheat on your spouse to be with them. But at each turn you knowingly place your life in jeopardy. Society calls a person that knowingly tries to kill themselves “suicidal”. If a suicidal person told you that they loved themselves, you would think that person was crazy or at least had a very twisted view of love.
A twisted view of love is what a great many of us have. A man beats a woman and she says, “But he loves me”. This same man says he beats her because he says he loves her so much. Another is consistently rejected by a woman but, his obsession with her leads him to stalk her beyond madness, all the while mumbling, “But I love her”. The same stands true with any person who is so desperate from being alone for so long, that in a rush to find companionship, they confuse a basic human need for companionship with love. Shortly thereafter, they are ready for divorce.
What does an INTERNAL expression of love look like? Have you ever felt that same deep emotional sensation you’ve had for another, for your own self? Have you ever been so excited, thrilled and thankful for the wonderful being God has created you to be? I’m not talking about being glad you woke up this morning. The KKK woke up this morning. I’m speaking of being truly glad that you have another day to express the divinity within you, in your day to day actions.
True Love is when you will “sacrifice” first for yourself. Sacrifice to study yourself and learn what is BEST for you physically, mentally and spiritually. Sacrifice for you by taking the painstaking time to first learn who you really are historically. Who were we thousands of years ago? What spiritual and mental paths were we on? Read about yourself and experiment with life. Find out what you really enjoy out of what is life giving and sustaining. First you! Get an understanding of the best foods for you, the best music for you, the best spiritual system for you, the best skill set and career for you. This is not selfish, this is wise because once you know these things and are happy with them you will be able to properly match yourself to another. You won’t so easily give yourself to another because you will have developed in yourself a great value. You will properly see yourself as a treasure to be given only to someone worthy of treasure. And, in your journey to find and develop a love for yourself you will develop the discipline to withstand the gravity of loneliness, stress and the misery others bring to your door daily. You will develop the internal fortitude to face life’s obstacles and challenges with a smile.
Lastly, I’ve heard people say that they still love the person that mistreated for years. Why? Because they MISS them. Missing someone is not a form of love. Missing someone is a conditioning of habit. You were just in the habit of seeing them every day, eating with them every day, sleeping, watching tv, going to the movies, struggling financially, even fighting with them for years. Now they are gone. The habit of them is not so easily removed with Separation or Divorce papers. No court can order a habit out of your thinking. You have to realize that it is a habit and replace that habit with another one. But, do not trick yourself into thinking that you LOVE them just because you miss them. You miss the habit of being with them.
It’s been said that, “…there is no greater love than to give one’s life for another” I disagree. In these modern times with the ills that affect humanity and the self inflicted drama we engage in, I believe that there is no greater love than to give one’s life for one’s self first! Dedicate yourself to improving yourself for a life of sustained excellence and inspire others to do the same. Encourage proper love of self and there will be no need to die for another to live. Then when you are ready to GIVE LOVE you will do so from a proper foundation.
Peace
Posted By: Anthony Stewart
Monday, January 26th 2009 at 7:05PM
You can also
click
here to view all posts by this author...
