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Charming , handsome--and sick. (934 hits)

Ok family--why do I have to go there? why? first of all Ididn't want to blog on DV. I hate the whole ugliness of domestic violence. The cowardice. The lies. The blaming the victim.

Every female I have known has some body pain from domestic violence and it actually seeps through a veil of vulnerability. If she has had more than one relationship, her chances increase. I am talking about women. All women accross cultural plains. Executives, of major corporations, beauties like Halle Berry- artists, homemakers and on. This is an equal opportunity scourge.

The problem --if the guy is handsome, forget it---the females jump on his bandwagon, oh it couldn't happen if I was with him--no, domestic violence is all about repressed anger ironically with the relationship he had or has with his own mother!! Insufficient attention, lack of attention, harshness, , abandonment perceived or real. So it could and does happen.

Think for a moment, David Justice hit Halle? ah naw...Mr. fine as wine Benoit? cheat on her..naw. Mr. Bundy described as handsome, debonair, engaging, brilliant , caring all the while serially killing women. I could go on, no need to. So do they hide behind the panel of charm and good looks? and they are enabled by the very future victims. They get away with it until a judge who has been trained in identifying the violence of the behavior, the rage, the feelings of inadequacy see it displayed in the photos of women who are so beaten that they are hardly recognizable.

Maybe God is not through with me on this issue. Hmm..Maybe my 30 minute video/documentary on "Battered Women and the Law" was only the continuation of a journey, God I hope not --there are so many other things I'd rather do.

All I know is I have two daughters--and as much as they can get under my skin--let it be known, anyone puts a hand on mine--and it's Lorena Bobbitt time-.

It will not be tolerated in my family. First stance. Wish I didn't feel this way, but I do, I think I identify with Rihanna's mom..I just feel her pain.

So it's fine, for pretty boys and not so pretty boys to degrade a female? So R. Kelly is cool, the uncle who raped Oprah is cool and you know the rest, ah fear--and that's why it happens. Oh brother what a societal mess and quagmire.

Posted By: Marta Fernandez
Wednesday, February 11th 2009 at 5:00PM
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Marta: It's as you've said; there nothing cute, pretty or nice about being battered. May I make a note of attention? It's not always females who are victims of this ugly scourge. There are men who are subjected to domestic violence from women, as well as young children who are even at this moment living in horrible conditions of control. What's sad is we rarely hear about it sometimes until it's too late. Every step of awareness constitutes to a visible aid in helping someone-- even if you may not think so. The hype of good looks reminds me of one proverbs that
"Everything that looks good isn’t good for you" It's a very tangled web, and many have lost their life to the Black Widow. Education helps, but so many times sugar-coating hides the monster. We must continue to have God guidance in every place, everything, and all things we do and say. Traps are plentiful, if we teach our daughters and sons love is not suppose to hurt we'll find we’ll be heading in the right direction. You should feel you have aided some one; I have reaped the benefit from hearing you.

Wednesday, February 11th 2009 at 8:24PM
MIISRAEL Bride

Also Marta,
as you and I both know there is mental abuse being suffered that could be considered as greater !
The damage that is placed in the minds of children and women can be damaging forever !
Some of them don't even have knowledge or is unaware that it's even taking place.
This is how powerful it really is.
Everytime a man manipulates, its abuse !
Even when a woman for instance, removes herself from being a victim, there are still remnants of that experience that remain and are no programs available to help in the area of developing wholeness or uplifting her self-esteem.
She's on her own.
What make us think that society would ever consider that this well-needed subject should be reconized or addressed ?
It would be too much like right.
Thursday, February 12th 2009 at 8:57AM
Min.Dr.LaDonna Blaylock D.D.

There is no comparison as to the number of men vs women who abuse, more men do it by far!
In all cases it's wrong.
In all cases it's wrong.
Thursday, February 12th 2009 at 9:05AM
Min.Dr.LaDonna Blaylock D.D.

Thank you all for weighing in and your comments indicating understanding, compassion and solutions - This day May God favor you--and always.
Thursday, February 12th 2009 at 9:21AM
Marta Fernandez

In New Jersey there are many programs to help women in this situation, but none for men. Of all the things were are taught in life and in school, anger management and conflict resolution are not apart of the curriculum and should be, be it in the home, in school or both. This whole situation is extremely sad on both ends of the spectrum. One of the things about the reporting of DV, is that more women will report the situations, but men are not as willing to do so because we live in a society that has taught men for years not to show their vulnerable side, that they should not cry because it makes them weak, that it is impossible for them to be victims of abuse because they are suppose to be masculine. The fact that disagreements turn into violence is the biggest issue that needs to be addressed.

As a survior of many things, my heart goes out to both of these young people and their families. Just sad and shame on all of those ignorant people that choose to find something funny about this and have all the jokes to say. This is no laughing matter.

Thursday, February 12th 2009 at 1:36PM
Marquerite Burgess

Thats exactly whats going to happen.
When things like this happen, we lose all kind of money, big- time!
They have already started pulling him off the commercials.
Most of the men are going to say she promoted it.
We know the drill.
Friday, February 13th 2009 at 8:07AM
Min.Dr.LaDonna Blaylock D.D.

Great blog, great comments, what can I add but my 2cents of applause...!!!
Keep up the great work and the same to all who commented here!
Sincerest,
William
Friday, February 13th 2009 at 8:30AM
WILLIAM W. HEMMANS III

*By the way and I hope you do not mind me sharing, these are comments that I shared with a sister in a blog:*

"Hello ........., thank you so much for sharing, taking the time and enriching this blog with something as valuable as life experience!
My father was abusive to my mother but I was to young to know it until it came out years later, but my lasting memories of him before he left was that he slapped me in the face and my nose bled at the table and no one helped me. I was 5, that was the year my father left and me, my sister and brother ended up in foster care.
We got blamed as kids by the way...
Sis what you state is adding action to "PRAYER".
This is what the Church did years ago and there are so many women who have families where the generational curse grew. Each generation on average does what they know. Those women got blamed to as far as, "What was their part in it".
My mother is on mental health medications to this day, many other women have mental issues along with their children.
Chris Brown states his mother was beat and so he gets a pass?
What did he warrant to "Bite Her her fingers?" I have the empathy to imagine Rihanna as a family member. There is only male and female ender that I know of.
Also on averge the children who state they won't do, usually do or are victims of, even passive can be agressive. I learned this from my Dog and watching animal planet. They showed the Dog that is attacked was the Dog that was the agressor...
Wht you state is wisdom Sis for people to either listen to or reject.
Unlimited stories are out there, I have seen and been involved in so many cases from physically defending a sister being beat and burned with hot irons (people blamed her to and she testified against me in court on his behalf...). People can also be stubborn and stick to their beliefs and ways which is ignorance and lack of empathy. Until it happens to them.
I remember riding with a woman that is a Pastor. Her Neice was suffering abuse at the hands of husband and the father of her children. She rammed his vehicle with her vehicle when she caught him with another woman. This woman pastor stated while we were riding to watch Bishop Bloomer of NC preach stated, "I'm going to pray for her to go back to her husband!". I told her, "This is wrong, that is not love, what if he has Aids, then you are praying for her demise and what about the children and sometimes God allows answering prayers, the father to be taken out the home and then she goes to get him back, etc.".
She disputed until Church when Bishop Bloomer spoke about abuse and Juanita Bynum being brought down by who she was attached to. This woman pastor was all hoy ghost and amen then and my Aunt who was riding also (she is a woman pastor as well), looked over at me because Bishop Bloomer said the same exact words I stated in the car, a short while ago... Recently the woman pastor told me I was right and she was wrong months later.
I give credit where due for what ou did Sis. Keep up the great work.
Again I state a cliche I have heard and I use, "Evil only survives when good folk sit back and do nuthin."
".
Friday, February 13th 2009 at 8:33AM
WILLIAM W. HEMMANS III

WOW!! I read every word-this festering pus of society has to be cleansed.
Friday, February 13th 2009 at 10:23AM
Marta Fernandez

Yes Mam !
This is a"NEW DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD !
The more women who wake up to this enlightment, the more this will be a better world in which to live !
Saturday, February 14th 2009 at 12:46PM
Min.Dr.LaDonna Blaylock D.D.

An erudite observation Irma--we ruled the world once and everything in life goes a full circle.
Saturday, February 14th 2009 at 2:13PM
Marta Fernandez

Miss. Robinson......... I grew up a misguided, misinformed and miseducated about life. For what ever the reason my father and mother divorced when I was three. I grew up poor, without a father, without role models to constructively teach and guide me into adulthood. Not only did I not know how to respect and treat women, but it wasn't until later on in life that I learned to respect and treat "myself". Gangs were my refuge. Dealers and prostitutes fed me.Today I work with the same at risk youth who's parents are incarcerated, on drugs, deceased, on the corners, or impoverished to the point of not being able to raise them. Gangs, drugs and violence is a part of reality to so many of the kids I work with. I'm not knocking anyone. I just see it being myself and the so many kids I work with being judged for where they come from. Every ones reality isn't the same. I had to learn on my own to be a father, and a husband... and you know what....If you ask my son and daughter I still may not have it right. My daughter is still in elementary school and by the grace of God my son is in his freshman year in college. I live in California. I don't know the difference between any other states, but when it comes to the young entertainers here they've usually made it from the streets. As for me and my contribution to struggle I work as the president of the African American Culture and Center for the Performing Arts ( California)......We also feed, cloth,council, and provide refuge to many men,women and children here.
Saturday, February 14th 2009 at 5:49PM
todd mcclair

Irma? a La Donna? help this broken down person--teach him to value himself--Ii have not patience with" mommy, mommy" types except for litle children--love them to death and protect them not big arse grown men--and please inform that when a comment is insulting instead of ISSUE ORIENTED I most certainly do delete it as we can disagree by putting forth our experiences..and not directly attacking anyone--that if you attack someone they will fight back first rule of gangsterism!
Sunday, February 15th 2009 at 11:10AM
Marta Fernandez

You work where???? in what town?

Also you have not read my 400 plus blogs so stop making false comments.

Start again--lashing out is a sign of pain--I suggest you seek professional counseling.
Thank you.

Deleting the above comments attacking me personally, however you are welcome to comment intelligently pesenting your views without worrying what I am doing with my fabulous life ,handsome together three fine Black Male sons, two beautiful daughters and countless years of giving.

Sunday, February 15th 2009 at 11:25AM
Marta Fernandez

I'm glad you posted this blog Marta !
Folks really do have this whole scene twisted,and trying to keep it twisted so it seems.
There's nothing anyone does that warrants getting beat for!
If you know you need help with violence, seek it !
That's the bottom line1
Tuesday, February 17th 2009 at 12:04PM
Min.Dr.LaDonna Blaylock D.D.

OMG-- I can't even comment Clark. How can this be? how? it's getting worse!
Wednesday, February 18th 2009 at 11:10AM
Marta Fernandez

On the Muslim tip--I took a Shahaddah (declaraton that there is no God but Allah and Mohammed PBUP is his Prophet-) The Koran the Holy Book states very clearly that woman have power, to run businesses, get a divorce etc. Islam like Christianity has deviations NOT from Koranic law but societal interpretations especially in India.

Cannot explain here, not enough space..but it is taught in Ant 100. so I have explained it clearly to my students.
Saturday, February 21st 2009 at 2:27PM
Marta Fernandez

/*
"ERADICATE" - sorry for the typ-o, I was a bit bothered by the content of the text and some of the memories.

Greg
*/
Sunday, February 22nd 2009 at 1:09AM
Gregory V. Boulware, Esq.

oh and if you can start with getting rid of that all Black mothers are single,bad for our children, I am MRS..todd you showed an important trate of a PROUD Black man, you did not call me by my first name without putting a "handle" on the name of a Black elder. My love and respect to you todd for this.
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA

...so sorry todd and I will explain that "looser' comment better for you...as long as we learn by our mistakes and do better because of the mistake, we can never be a looser.this is why the best and most trusted drug counslors are former drug addicts. they showwith their own life style that it is possiable to over come as living examples of this can be done but by one day at a time.

Never ever teach by starting out with "you are a negative" always teach that you are positive as even a germ has an important role in our lives as overcoming the negative affects of the germ is the way we advance in any situation.

Evil is a balance of good and this is because we are all different and we see things different or why your program is needed or you and I have come across each other as we are coming from opposti directions on this issue on this post.

I repeat work on your own self and ask your self are you a positive or a negative on these children as these children are not in my neighborhood but they are in need. I am a positive on my neighborhood as I tell the children that they "CAN ",but only if they take responsibility for their own contrabutions be they positive or negative therefore do not blame me or any one else if they fail nor praise me or anyone else if they succeed just keep on pushing using one step at a time. If they take three steps forward and then two steps backward then they have still advanced one steps forward...

Now I will ge off my bnd wagon(smile)
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA

todd, thank you for at least listening, my parents wer never even married. growning up in South Philly there were gangs, but my fear of my family saying that I would not become a member of a gang out weighed fear of "peer pressure" there accepting the advice of my elders never allowed me to be swayed by that EXCUSE then or now!!!I was fed, clothed by my family, etc and on top of this they raised me to be responsible for my own ations. if I did something that I could not respect my self for doing it it was on ME not them!!!

Every thing that YOU do in relationship to your own life todd starts with you and from you. Sure you enviornment plays a part in all of this but once you learn that you are responsible for your own actions and the results that come from you actions then there is no way that you can even begin to believe, accept the poor me as you move on to maje yet a bigger mistake or add to the already negative image of me because of the color of my skin.

Please take a look at maybe you ar the last role model needed by these children in the first place if you feel you have been a LOOSER...Hell, me, the Obama's had a bigger problem than you did becuses we were born before the 60s and yet we are not finding any kinds of EXCUSES for how we have lived a legal and positive life style...

if you are willing to learn to move on to making the future better for our children than we had then please stay tuned to this post and the other post that you see the word GODDESS on, O.K?
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA

Oh todd,another of your problems is that you have not said if you child has been raised by you to be a success as we have. This is where that educatiion and putting down our Black children comes in...ask us about our RAISING our children to be a positive and not a negative...for example you do not know if any / all of OUR children(these females you are putting down)are rich and famous now have you.

Please try to get beyond the blame game and the lying game and get to the very, very hard job of actually helping our youth by changing your behavior or is it HATE for the female????????This too can be treated.WAKE UP todd
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA

todd what are you trying to do help the image of the Bush administration...example..you just ran away for one of Marta's post on this issue when you were asked to show your contrabutions of your doing any thing but running off at the mouth and 'begging the question' in your argument to coming to this post and out and out lying that Marta has deleted your comments therefore you can not back up your statements...

No PROUD Black:male, female nor child would allow themselves to become a negative statistic for you , the white media or any place on this planet!!!!!!!!(smile)And please keep on proving that you are the PROBLEM and we the FEMALE are the solution to this problem...so please go take some of those drugs off the streets that Bush's administratiion put there, O.K????????
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA

At the check out line at the market today, it was covered with magazines with these two on the cover of at least 5 of them. I picked up one to read it while waithing andlearned absolutly nothing about the matter were substance is concerned. Just lots of pictures of them taken at different culbs or just...but said nothing except what someone else said, mess, gossip. I did not buy any of them.
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA

Yes Marta, we must CLEANSE our society and let us begin by teaching the FEMALE to stop accepting that Male head of house hold myth that has so many of us(females)left with killing their abusers in self defense until the (male dominated justice system)courts can come to our defense...

Females begin to own that you are Goddess therefore being less than 101%RESPECTED as the true protector of the FAMILY will not longer come with the options of being abused in any: way, form or fashion in the MAN'S WORLD!!!!!
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA

I gather that you speak of the Magic Johnson who backed Hillary Clinton this fall who has been so ABUSED and put to personal shame in open public by Bill Clinton so often that she was on Oprah calling it "LOVE". that Magic Johnson, Clark? Please??!?(smile)
Love you all on this post for (equality) some respect for the Female...
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA

Oh Marta, I am not farmiliar with these two younge people therefore I ask...have they managed already to sock away as much money as Whitney and Bobby before they started to get this kind of press after all they like these two are not the skin color of Britney and may never be able to recover from this.
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA

Marta, I have not studied ALL religions, but of the countless I have done so there is only one where women had NO power...
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA

I can only think of how I was raised in a family who them selves had learned the message of "it is selfish to put your self first". I rejected it then, I reject it now; but in order to do this one must be able to learn that THEY are in contol of their lives.Then and only then will we the FEMALE stop that, It is not his fault and he will change because he did not mean it because we really do love each other...regreting believing these never ending excuses only after being given a life sentence is too late.

A main part of LOVE is knowing / accepting those RED flags that it is long past time to let go and get rid of those old learned behaviors that is leading the female to self distruct.

Let that MALE head of the household myth go for the sake of your children who are better off with one parent than no parent at all!!!
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA