Lessons on How to Woo the Ladies in On-line Gaming Lesson 1: No matter what happens, remain confident Never forget that women can smell fear. The slightest waver in confidence is bound to tighten their bra straps, so act like you're the man. That doesn't mean behave like an arrogant jerk. Poke fun at yourself because it shows humility, but avoid discussing the time(s) you got beat up or when you were too afraid to kill a spider. Ninja Gaiden's Ryu Hayabusa would slice that spider into 10 pieces, smash it with his boot and then fry it with a Ninpo attack. He da man, and so are you.
Lesson 2: Always know what you're doing, or at least pretend In the preliminary stages of dating, one of the most popular questions women ask is, "so what are we doing" or "so where are you taking me?" It's a simple test of your confidence and a great way to tell if you, like Uncharted's Nathan Drake, know how to make plans, even if most of your adventures happen spontaneously (some women even love that). If you don't answer, or worse, defer these questions, their chastity belts are on lockdown.
Lesson 3: No matter how open you are, some mystery is a good thing After meeting someone new, the last thing you want to do is throw life's history across the table. A woman doesn't need to know everything about you, at least initially. Use that to your advantage by implying (through suave communication) that there are plenty of things about you that you can't reveal because you're out of time, but look forward to disclosing at a later date. Not only does it imply that you want to see them again, but also keeps them guessing, just like a great romance novel you've never read. This works best when the conversation turns s*xual, as you make hints of your bedroom prowess. With that said, God of War's Kratos ("I murdered my family") is bad, while Gears of War's Marcus Fenix (I have a dark military past) is good. Besides, some women love bad boys.
Lesson 4: Discuss your hobbies Most women don't want to hear about your Star Wars figure collection or the time you mowed your neighbor's lawn. If you travel, discuss the places you've been, similar to Indiana Jones' trip to find the Holy Grail or the Ark of the Covenant. If you play sports, flaunt your athletic skills like Luigi in Mario Strikers Charged. If you play an instrument (even if that means Guitar Hero III on expert), put that on display. Of course, if she's really cool and plays video games, you might consider marriage early (if you're in to that sort of thing).
Lesson 5: Let the wookie win Women are just as competitive as men, and your date will do whatever she can to embarrass you, especially at your own sport. On some occasions, she'll kick your butt. On others, you'll intentionally lose to boost her confidence. When that happens, allow her to gloat and act disappointed for a few seconds. If you're a good actor, she'll believe she schooled you. If you suck, two things will happen. Either she'll be upset that you didn't bring your A game, or appreciate the fact that you didn't crush her at Guitar Hero. A good rule of thumb is to let her win the first two or three rounds and then, to keep your pride, crush her at least once before starting another losing streak.
Lesson 6: Clean up your place Men are slobs, so you'll win brownie points if you tidy up before she comes over. This means cutting all of your weeds in Animal Crossing and getting rid of bugs. From there, arrange your furniture appropriately and top off your place with a nice rug and some paintings. A library of NES games is an added bonus, since non-gamers will always freak out over old school Nintendo or Wii Sports.
Lesson 7: Dress the part There's no sense tidying up if you look disgusting, so make sure you wear attractive clothes. Don't get me wrong. This doesn't mean you should dress like the kids in The World Ends with You. Just keeping up with the latest trends and wearing stuff that gets them noticed in a non-embarrassing way. If, however, your date cross dresses as a Final Fantasy XII character, you can feel free to get a little crazy, so long as she expects it.
Lesson 8: Defend her honor At times, other guys will encroach on your territory. Women aren't above slapping some idiot in the grill, but they want to know that their date has their back, so be a man and take care of business. Keep in mind, however, that that doesn't mean throwing punches unless absolutely necessary, since some women hate fighting. Of course, if you have an opportunity to run underneath him and hit a switch that drops him into lava, Mario style, take it.
Lesson 9: Rock the accent Take it from Grand Theft Auto 4's Niko Belic; women love accents. If you're from another country, now's the time to cash in on your s*xy voice. Even if you're American but grew up someplace else, some ladies will adore you, especially since your homeland adds to the mystery. You're different from the norm. Embrace your uniqueness. That is, providing you have an accent. Don't conjure up some awful voice in the hopes of scoring. Even if you succeed for a little while, you'll eventually screw up.
Lesson 10: Pay for everything Don't go on a date expecting your newfound friend to fork over some cash. Traditionally, men pay, at least for the first few dates. Treat her to dinner, a movie, drinks or whatever else you have in mind. Politely refuse money if she offers (unless she freaks out over it) and tip generously. Trust me on the tipping part, (I found out the hard way)! That'll show her that you're a responsible person and somewhat chivalrous. At the same time, it's up to you to determine whether you intend to pay for her all the time or include her in the bill. Normally, nice women eventually insist on treating you or paying for some of the date. If she vehemently insists that you empty your wallet all the time, you may have a gold digger on your hands.
Kick her to the curb...QUICK! You won't need to cast a spell to give her the hint. Of course, if you get married and she has a job, congrats on teaming up with a fellow Baller/Shot Caller!
Lesson 11: Treat her like a lady Unless she tells you otherwise, always treat her respectfully. Hold doors for her, ask her to text you when she gets home and give her your jacket when it's cold. After all, Mario would never punch Princess Peach (except in Super Smash Bros. Brawl) or forget to call. Being chivalrous doesn't always work, as some women hate it when guys open their car doors for them and pull back their seats before they sit down. You need to get a feel for her personality. Just be mindful if she suddenly cries or catches on fire whenever she gets angry. Even Super Princess Peach has her bad days.
Lesson 12: Be yourself While these tips will help you search for love, always remain true to who you are. If you hate button shirts, don't wear them. If you think holding a door for someone is wack, forget it. If you think your stamp collection is the business, talk about it. Eventually, you'll find someone who accepts you for who you are.There's someone for everyone. Just be patient, and you'll eventually Feel the Magic.
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Posted By: Devon Marshall
Sunday, February 15th 2009 at 12:45PM
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