Can We All Just Respect the Sanctity of Marriage? Geez!!! (2647 hits)

This is the second time this week the following situation has happened to me:

I went into a bar and grill that has some bomb diggity food. Twice this week I've been in because I get home a little later than usual, have loads of homework and have to help my elder daughter with her homework or review it. In any case, my family has to eat and during this busiest time, I've tried to curb my Superwoman Syndrome and get the food and bring it home.

Well, I always have a soda while I wait and play a couple of video games. I'm usually in my own little world...just waiting...might speak to a couple of familiar faces and focus on my soda and my game. Earlier this week, a man, seeing my wedding ring, asked me, "Are you HAPPILY married?" He had this expression on his face that made me picture myself reaching into the back of throat to make sure I had a good grip on his tongue so I could rip it out. I smiled and posed what proved to be a thought-provoking question: "What difference does THAT make?" I was very calm and as a matter of fact about it, but I say it must've been thought-provoking because the expression on his face changed to one of confusion.

'That was cruel,' I thought. 'It ain't right to leave a brotha confused, Girl!' I thought as I chastised myself. So...as any good citizen would do, I expounded on my statement. I explained to him that it doesn't matter if I'm happily or so-called unhappily married. The MARRIED denominator does not change. Plus, I explained that I am a firm belever that a man who SEES the ring on the finger who COULD ask such a quesiton is likely not a man who respects HIMSELF, and that fact alone makes it impossible for him to truly respect ME. I tried to encourage him, too, that a woman who would be flattered by such a question is likely one that fits the same description. This is just MY OPINION, so don't go off the deep end on me, but I believe with my whole heart that the reaction to such a question should be one of disgust...not blatent all up in anybody's face or anything like that...but very directly and very quickly answered in a way that lets a man (or woman) know that not that not only do you not get down like that, you also don't take kindly to being asked a question like that...ya know, as if answering "unhappily" or something to that effect would segway into a conversation about how he could treat you so much better and how much your husband is a fool...etc., etc., etc..

Then, TODAY, not even an hour ago, I was waiting on food and playing my usual video game, when the lady sitting next to me struck up a minor conversation. I tried to ignore her because she was breaking my concentration. Anyway, she didn't take the hint and I refused to be rude, so I gave small talk while trying to play my game.

Anyway, she was having a separate conversation with a man to her left and she being white and SO THOROUGHLY IMPRESSED that she was talking to a brother with some good sense and very intelligent conversation (as if he was maybe one in ten that she had ever talked to like intelligent brothas don't exist or something), turns and says to ME, "This is a very handsome and well-spoken gentleman over here. Why won't you look at him??" MAN, OH MAN. For so many reasons, I wanted to..well, that doesn't matter.

I had to stop what I was doing and look her right into those piercing blue eyes of hers and say, "Because he doesn't look anything like my husband." Her face kinda contorted and then I added, "Last I checked, giving the time of day to another man and trying to elicit his interest when you're a MARRIED WOMAN is wrong. Wouldn't you agree?" She blushed, bless her heart, and said, I'm so sorry. I was just trying to play matchmaker and didn't notice your ring." Then, she apologized again and added, "It's just talking to such an intelligent man is rare." There's something about the culture here in the NW that bothers me sometimes. People of non-color seldom say what they MEAN to say. Ya'll know this woman meant, "An intelligent BLACK man..." I just didn't even comment after that. I let her make it on that one. I had to. I refused to let that tempation to push her to be bold enough to say what she really meant get to me. I let it go.

Anyway, the whole point of this and where I would like feedback is: SHOULD it matter to anyone whether or not you're happily or unhappily married???????????? Does it matter to YOU when someone poses a question like that (man or woman)??????? Are you flattered by it??????? Do you feel insulted or irritated at all?????????? Do you answer, "happily" or "unhappily" or do you do what I did and just let him (her) know it doesn't matter because you're married...PERIOD?????????

In the six months or so, I've notice that it has happened more often...in a restaurant, on the bus, when I'm out with our children, once at work, and even once at CHURCH of all places...and my answer is always the same.

It's weird, too, because I'm one who's very vocal abut the importance of honoring covenant. I respect people and I really respect married people. It takes some guts to be willing to undertake the matters of someone else's heart. So people who get married and stay married really get kudos from me. That's a different topic. (And PLEASE, don't inundate me with comments about the fact that there are reasons to get divorced. We're all adults and we all know that).

Okay...the time has come. PLEASE, sound off.

Blessings... Posted By: Dee Gray
Monday, May 18th 2009 at 11:45PM
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