The Oscars, Soap Opera's, Sitcom's, Reality Shows, BET and MTV seem to be the popular trends/outlooks on life that our youth/teens seem to relate their lives to. Whether it is to be thin and cool, rich with a nice ride at the age of 16 or smart and an over achiever heading to Harvard, it seems that our youth have gotten their priorities of a happy life mixed up with the material world. It's almost as if they don't fit into any of these categories they will be laughed at, looked down on, or excluded from the best of what the world offers according to Donathan Black a 12th grader on the West Side of Chicago. Donathan says that "Life is hard as a teenager, you don't know if you are coming or going," So much is expected of you without understanding the most important things about life, especially in the inner city of Chicago." Donathan is an African American young man who attends church every Sunday, goes to school everyday with perfect attendance and has an averaged report card. Some A's one B, C's and two D's. Donathan admits that he doesn't know if he will be going to college but if he does go, it certainly won't be an enrollment at Harvard or Yale because of his grades and he also admits this is due to his lack of self esteem which holds him back on many occasions.
Self esteem holds many of the youth back especially as it relates to the world around them. As they constantly try to keep up with the trends of society---many who can't, become victims of suicide, gang violence, drug dealing and negative aggression not able to focus or enjoy the most important parts of life. Julian a Caucasian 11th grader in downtown Chicago says that "Life is simply what you make it." Julian has parents who are wealthy, sends him to school by driver and he has the opportunity to go to school in one of the best parts of town "Down Town Chicago." Julian has been given all of the essentials of life and doesn't have to worry about what college he will be attending because his father is a Princeton alumni. But still Julian's self esteem is at a woe, because he feels that he just doesn't fit in. Julian is homos*xual and feels that the world will not except him as he is, he also is not able to tell his parents what his s*xual preference is because he comes from a family of known heteros*xuals and feels that he will be judged. Julian admits that he has had thoughts of suicide and just running away from everything because he feels like know one will except him as he is, especially the people that he loves the most, his family.
Just recently I was informed that a friends son committed suicide, but no one seems to know exactly why he committed suicide. This young man was only 16 years old, an honor student and had both parents in his life, however, with the hustle and bustle of work that the parents have to deal with on the everyday basis it is very easy to ignore or not acknowledge the signs of a child who suffers from low self esteem, unhappy with self, or simply is struggling with peer pressure. When a child or anyone in general is not fully in tune with self and are constantly trying to fit the status quo or trends of society it becomes a mishap to self if one is not able to keep up. Which causes all types of unusual behaviors to take place, especially in a child. According to studies low self esteem is cause by a number of factors. (See
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/causes-of-l... Negligence:
Children who are brought up in situations where love and affections is lacking. They feel abandoned and insignificant and find it very hard to trust people.
Achievements:
When a person has worked so hard to achieve success and they have failed at it they begin to treat their failures as the ultimate truth which results in loss of self esteem.
Excessive Criticism:
Telling a child that he/she is no good, could result in depression
Child Abuse:
Most people with low self esteem have a history of some type of abuse whether physical , mental or both.
Negative Experience:
Children are like sponges, they absorb everything that happens around them, good or bad. When parents indulge in certain negative activities children catch on.
Physical Appearance:
People who feel they don't look good feel inferior when compared with what they my believe is a better looking person. This feeling of repulsion, isolates them from an active social life.
Influence of Parents and Family:
Parents use the child to fulfill their unfulfilled dreams. They make the mistake of choosing a career for the child that the child is not happy with.
Does your child know who he or she is? Does your child battle with the truth about who he or she is? Is he or she battling with the fact that she is black or white, short or tall, thin or thick, rich or poor or simply not able to fit in at all? If your child is battling the condition of low self esteem due to not fully excepting self, there are many solves to this problem but you must help your child to understand that they are only half of the problem and everything that society is forcing them to believe that they are to except and are suppose to be is the other half of the problem. Once the child taps into self and appreciate the greatness of who they are, they will begin to see a more beautiful side of who they really are. According to Judy Lavin Author of Special Kids Need Special Parents there are several different steps in helping children to cope with or get over the condition of low self esteem. These are as follows:
1. Be generous by giving your child lots of hugs and kisses.
2. Take baby pictures. Everyone would like to see how they looked as a baby. .
3. Don’t allow your child’s condition to define him/her.
4. Listen to your child when he/she wants to talk, try to understand where your child is coming from, even if
you disagree.
5. Always be honest and open when you communicate with your child.
6. Don’t compare your children with each other unfavorably.
7. Be aware of your own attitude of people. Try not to make negative comments about people.
(See
http://www.parentingbookmark.com/pages/PC0... These are only a few steps in the healing process of getting your child to be happy with who he or she is and ridding themselves of all self esteem issues. As Pastor Celius says "He believes that God is missing in the lives of the youth," Psychologist believe that children won't succeed unless they have high self esteem and society is failing because there is a need of moral discipline in education. (See Psychology IV: Children's "self-esteem," at
http://www.highbeam.com/doc/1G1-84803130.h... Don't let your child go undetected, evaluate your child today in order to help them to love themselves and to move forward to academic success and to build a brighter future. Please contact your local Church, Psychologist, Psychiatrist, or the Chicago Healers if your child has any of these symptoms:
1. A lack of social skills and self confidence, which leads to avoiding a social life.
2. A disturbed and depressed appearance most of the time.
3. Suffering from an eating disorder such as anorexia,bulimia nervosa, or obesity.
4. Suffer from negative thoughts.
5. Failing to recognize their potential.
6. Fearing criticism.
7. Take compliments negatively.
8. Afraid to take responsibility.
9. Afraid of forming their own opinion.
Let's begin to take better care of our future by building up the esteem of the youth. For more information on helping your child to build their self esteem for academic success log on to:
www.selfesteem.org/menu/stories/true/index.htm http://jackcanfield.com/page/?PageID=110 http://www.parentingbookmark.com/pages/PC0... buzzle.com/articles/causes-of-low-self-esteem.html
http://www.chicago-healers.com/ http://www.innerworkspublishing.com/news/v... http://ohioline.osu.edu/4h-fact/0008.html
Posted By: Talibah Bakhit
Wednesday, March 10th 2010 at 11:29AM
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