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don't forget the purple... pink... and green.... I had to hold off on the red ones... he likes those... he kept eating the red crayon... thinking it was his meds... You know with that IQ of 68, I have to be extra careful.... D.... you might wanna pull back on the blue pill.... He thinks it's viagra... you saw that blog he just posted about peoples private parts.... that ole wuss of a ODB!
Tuesday, October 19th 2010 at 11:58PM
Cynthia Merrill Artis
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can i get the link to the watermelon crew !
Wednesday, October 20th 2010 at 12:38AM
DAVID JOHNSON
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I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
Wednesday, October 20th 2010 at 5:17PM
DAVID JOHNSON
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O.J. SIMPSON DIES
One day in the future, OJ Simpson has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
OJ thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water.. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dove in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
"No," OJ said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks.
All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented OJ.
The devil opened a third door.. Through it, OJ saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
OJ looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said . . . ."OK, Monica, you're free to go."
Wednesday, October 20th 2010 at 5:26PM
Siebra Muhammad
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Five Important Qualities
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
Wednesday, October 20th 2010 at 5:41PM
DAVID JOHNSON
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20,000 BLACKS WENT TO HEAVEN
You see the angel Gabriel came to the lord and said I have to talk to you. I have a problem. I know we have affirmative action and we're supposed to have 20,000 blacks in heaven but they're causing some serious problems up here. They've torn down the pearly gates swinging on them, they stole my horn, they got barbeque sauce spilled on their robes, ham hocks, spare ribs, and pig feet all over the streets of gold. Some are walking around with only one wing. Angels must have two wings to fly.
Those robes are eternal and must be washed three times a day. Some have not washed their robes since they arrived. Many are here because they use salt or drink too much. Some have refused to take their turns in keeping the stairway to heaven clear. Watermelon seeds are all over the clouds. Some refuse their halos saying that they don't fit over their Afros and dreads. The Lord said it's not fair to not let the Blacks in heaven. They have just as much right here as white people. Maybe we just don't know how to deal with them. Maybe we're using the wrong approach. We need to check with someone who has more experience dealing with them.
Let's call the devil. The devil answered the phone and said, hello Lord, what can I do for you? The Lord said we have a problem here and we would like to talk to you about it. The devil answered, hold on for a minute. I?ve got to put you on hold. The devil was gone five minutes. He came back to the phone saying okay Lord, I'm back, what's up? The Lord said, well I'd like to talk to you about two problems we have up here. Once again, the devil excused himself. This time he was gone 15 minutes. Finally the devil came back to the phone and said, Lord I'm sorry but I can't talk to you right now. These damn Blacks down here have put the fire out and they're installing an air conditioner!
Wednesday, October 20th 2010 at 6:07PM
Siebra Muhammad
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siebra
you got jokes ,,you have really missed your calling ! lmbo
Wednesday, October 20th 2010 at 6:57PM
DAVID JOHNSON
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What did the devil say to the angel?
Devil: Angel ...if you let touch your wings, I'll let you feel on my tail.....
Wednesday, October 20th 2010 at 8:09PM
MIISRAEL Bride
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I must say Harry brought religion to BIA...I never believed in hell until I met him...
Wednesday, October 20th 2010 at 8:42PM
Siebra Muhammad
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What's the devil favorite game?
PITCHFORKS!
What did the dumb cook bring to the pot luck dinner?
Dices and Cards!
What kind of pickle loves to gamble?
A "Dill" pickle
and lastly...
What do you get when you mix ice with goodness?
WHY...it's ANGEL FOOD.
Thursday, October 21st 2010 at 9:41AM
MIISRAEL Bride
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Fro the ladies with really jacked up feet, hold up your right hand and repeat after me:
THE SANDAL PLEDGE
As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes:
I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.
I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free.
I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.
I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.
I will shave the hairs off my big toe.
I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.
If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put.. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.
I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.
I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.
I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.
I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.
I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or
drag my feet while wearing them.
I will promise to go to my local nail salon at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $20 or $25 and worth EVERY penny).
I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear... nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.
Saturday, October 23rd 2010 at 7:35PM
Siebra Muhammad
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LMBO
If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put.. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.
Saturday, October 23rd 2010 at 8:00PM
DAVID JOHNSON
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