In Case Of Emergency: Preparing Your Relationship For Challenging Times
December 21, 2010
by Tiya Cunningham-Sumter
It might seem a bit unorthodox to have an emergency plan in place for a relationship. It may even seem like inviting trouble into your relationship.
You are probably thinking that if you do have a plan, there will be too many emotions involved at the moment to consider it. But just like any other emergency, there are emotions and we must still act courageously. In school and at most places of employment, there are emergency evacuation plans. Someone is usually in charge of making sure everyone follows the plan and remains safe.
During the fire drills in both of these settings things usually go very smoothly. Thank God I have never had to experience a real emergency on the job or during school. I wonder if during a real emergency if co-workers and/or students will be able to remember the plan and follow procedure.
What if we created a plan for our relationships – a list to follow on what to do in case of emergency?
By emergency, I don’t mean life or death situations, but situations that could possibly threaten the foundation of the relationship. For example lack of communication, infidelity, financial struggles, addictions (s*x, alcohol or drugs) and illness.
The very best time to discuss or create anything in regards to our relationship is when things are going well. Of course it is easier to think rationally at that time. Using this time to have a conversation with our mate about what we will do if ________ happens is the first step.
For example, how would we handle a spouse’s affair? Will the relationship end right then and there or is there a possibility of forgiveness? If willing to forgive, what needs to happen in order to move forward? Does knowing details about the affair help? Will counseling provide a better outlet to cope with this betrayal? What needs to take place to trust again? These are all important questions, which each mate can think about now. All the while we’re keeping our marriages in prayer that these questions never have to be asked or answered.
Another plan to already have in place is in regard to finances. What happens when there is job loss? Are there savings in place now for those rainy days? Have we already considered what we would cut back on if finances change? Is there a financial planner/advisor somewhere in the mix to help take care of our money?
What about addictions or illnesses. If a partner changes or becomes ill, how will this affect the relationship? What is needed in order to take care of that spouse? Is there already a support system in place, like family, we can lean on? Do we encourage our partners to keep up with yearly doctor exams? And together are we taking the very best care of ourselves and each other?
It is easy to take care of a relationship when everything is fine. But how we take care of it when there are challenges is the true test. Having some idea on how to handle certain situations will definitely make a difference. Of course it isn’t foolproof, because as mentioned above, we don’t quite know for sure where our emotions will lead us. But there is no doubt that, even when times are the toughest, the plan will be considered, even in the moment.
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Founder of Life Editing and creator of The Black Wives’ Club. Tiya was featured in Ebony Magazine in the October 2008 and November 2010 issues. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children.
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Wednesday, December 22nd 2010 at 3:35PM
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