by Tiya Cunningham-Sumter | on March 21st, 2012
Black Married With Kids. com
A Positive Image of Marriage and Family
When I was growing up my mother owned “the look.” If this sounds at all familiar to anyone you might remember how frightening it could be. “The look” was that quick eye stare and tight lip face our parents gave that would easily stop us dead in our tracks. Whenever you experienced “the look,” you recognized right away that whatever you were doing in those moments had to end and you better quickly do the opposite. It usually appeared when we were in public and our parents could not get a hold of us like they wanted.
I realized I had a healthy fear of my mother. Meaning, I knew she was no nonsense and had high expectations for each of us and we better live up to those expectations or else. We received spankings and stern discussions whenever we fell out of line. We were nervous anytime we found ourselves in trouble at school and our mother had to be called. It would shut us down for the rest of the day. Our fear of going home and dealing with the consequences that came along with our actions that day were enough to trump everything else. I remember not even being able to concentrate on friends, fun or anything else when I reflected on the suffering I would experience in having to deal with my mother.
My mother’s methods of childrearing benefited us greatly. It kept my sisters and me focused and furnished us with the desire to avoid many of the pitfalls others in our community fell into. Today, parents have similar challenges but the world has changed quite a bit. The healthy fear and high regard for adults seem to have disappeared. More parents, than in the past, are building friendships with their children instead of building healthy parent/child relationships, which has resulted in many children not only disrespecting their parents, but also other adults. The village, unfortunately, is no longer as involved. It has gotten to the point where some adults actually fear the children. This is unhealthy.
We have to get back to those days where “the look” will immediately get the job done and where a child fears the repercussions that come along with their bad decisions. I remember a comedian sharing how children should fear parents and actually think their parents are just a little crazy. There has to be a collective effort on the parts of parents. We must continue to demand respect, not be afraid to set boundaries and build a healthy fear in our children. The fear I experienced as a child definitely shaped me into the responsible adult I am today.
About the author
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Founder of Life Editing. Tiya was featured in Ebony Magazine in the October 2008 and November 2010 issues. Tiya recently created and launched (Tuesdays with Tiya) Life Editing Radio show on blogtalkradio.com. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children
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Wednesday, March 21st 2012 at 11:06PM
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