I am in the process of writing a book about the men that have come into my life and what I learned from each of those relationships. In talking to singles and couples over the past 13 years, as well as studying human behavior as it relates to relationships & s*xuality, I’ve learned that there are a few reasons we choose the mates we do, often we choose the same person in different a body, there's a reason for that and sometimes we choose the next person based off what we were missing in the last relationship. If you weren’t getting enough s*x in your last relationship, you can almost bet you’ll choose someone to make up for it in the next…lol.
When YOU are not truly “Relationship Ready”, you can and most likely WILL make the mistake of choosing a mate based on external & internal factors that you may not really be aware of rather than what you really want or need in a mate and a relationship. We respond to the “immediate gratification” rather than the long term view of fulfillment. You have to really take a look at who you are and the experiences and choices that have led your to where you are at this VERY point in life. Where are you going? You need to be in touch with these things to choose a mate that not only satisfies that “immediate gratification” but fits into your life as a whole. Often we can’t see the forest for the tree’s and keep repeating the same patterns over and over…and unfortunately getting the same results.
To start breaking your patterns try some things you may not have tried before…I mean it can’t hurt, with your track record you already know what you are capable of. Let some outside sources funnel some options your way! Before you do that though, I’d like for you to take inventory of yourself. If YOU are not who the person you are looking for, is looking for, then we are on a dead end street. Sometimes the hardest part is to look inside ourselves. Look at your childhood, your heartbreaks, is there a lack of forgiveness in your heart, how's your physical health (if you are not taking care of yourself, are you really able/capable to care for someone else?), who are YOU? Do YOU like the person looking at you in the mirror? Get to know yourself better, realize that life experiences make you who you are whether they are good or bad, whether you acknowledge them or suppress them. 90-95% of our reactions to stimuli come from our subconscious, finding out whats in your subconscious will help you determine why you react/respond the way you do to certain things & situations. Next GET OFF the online dating sites that are full of predators and desperation! The more sites your picture & profile appear on, the more desperate you appear. Predators can smell their prey. You are adding numbers to the bank accounts of the people running those sites as well as to your s*xual partner count, and possibly more heartache. Think 3 times about Long Distance relationships. The internet allows people to be whomever they want to be…so does distance.
Open yourself up to others introducing you to people. Either professionals or someone who knows you well. Attend events geared toward singles and networking.
IF you are at a place where you are ready for change and open to the possibilities of truly finding a partner for life, I suggest you do something different.
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Do something different!!
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Posted By: Xavia Fox
Friday, January 16th 2015 at 8:48PM
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