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The truth about love #2 Is it easy loving for two? (352 hits)

Why is it that ones past plays a huge part on their future? Say for instance your involved in a relationship with someone who doesn't know how to love. Say they came from a dysfunctional family or past that prevents them from truly loving you, the way you deserve. Or really loving themselves, a lot of times I found out that this type of situation really can be one that challenges the very fabric of the relationship. It can be extremely hard trying to love for two. Especially when your mate is resisting your ways of showing them how to love. I was in a relationship where I tried my hardest to show my ex-girlfriend love, but she was just to set in her ways and was unreceiving of that love. She ended up resenting me for it and felt I was trying to control her life. This was really hard for me to stomach because I had been turned into the villain of the relationship. Maybe my tactics of trying to show her love and help her to see the love I deserved might have been a bit harsh. I guess I'll never know... But in this situation all that ended up happening is instead of teaching her love she ended up teach me hurt and pain. This went on for a number of years before ultimately we parted ways on bad terms. With her understanding of love no better and my experience marked with failure. Sometimes when you get involved with someone who has a history of pain you take on several years of hardship and really most of the time you don't even stand a chance. The person has to be willing to forgive what happened to them in the past and them forgive themselves for harboring this pain for all this time. Preventing themselves for truly experiencing true love... Then and only then can the process of their healing really begin... So what do you do if your mate has a past full of pain that has made them unable to love you, what do you do? Is it easy loving for two?
Posted By: T.D. Faison
Saturday, October 25th 2008 at 9:06PM
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I think that this is really true. But I also have found that when you’re the one who is loving hard and the other’s past preventing them from returning the love, it makes is frustrating, so much so that it become increasingly difficult to articulate what you need from them. The more you love, the more they don’t love you back, the harder it becomes for you to express how you feel about what they are not giving to you.

Maybe part of the problem is people’s expectation of what love is. If you are with a person who hasn’t had people that love them treat them badly, then in their minds, maybe they don’t believe you love them since you don’t also treat them badly. It’s a situation when their past sets up expectations for their future.

So, what do you do? Well, I think that both people need to be willing to accept the fact that they need to learn to see the situation from the other person’s eyes. It’s easy to become dismayed at the other person because they don’t come around to our way of thinking and seeing things. But I have learned that taking a step outside of myself, and trying to look at things from the other person’s vantage point helps immensely. Of course, it would take the other person also doing that for there to be progress. If it does happen, I think it is a beautiful awakening for both parties.

Tuesday, October 28th 2008 at 9:01AM
Will Saunders
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