http://credoaction.com/ Ken Starr
If you've ever wanted to marry your long-term partner or have had an extramarital affair, beware Ken "The Special Prosecutor" Starr. He could use his Power of Subpoena for good, but instead he tries to impeach Bill Clinton and uphold California's insidious Prop. 8.
Sarah Palin
Sarah "The Disasta from Alaska" Palin likes to enter her fights via helicopter, shooting down her opponents from the air like so many baby wolves. But she's not afraid of hand-to-hand combat: She'll get right in your face and swat you with a newspaper she regularly reads - all of 'em. Any of 'em.
Grover Norquist
Grover Norquist often attempts to shrink his opponents down to the size where they can be drowned in a bathtub. When this fails, he summons the all-powerful K Street Gang to eat a really expensive lunch and strategize his next move.
Newt Gingrich
Newt Gingrich's signature move is the "Contract with America," in which he drains progressives of their political power and rams his antiquated values down your throat. Newt's opponents often think they've killed him dead, but they underestimate his uncanny ability to revive himself as a culture war zombie.
Exxon
Exxon "The Valdez" keeps its munitions stockpiled with oil-covered birds and marine life to chuck at unsuspecting environmentalists. Exxon is working hard to block climate change legislation, and is rumored to be developing technology to hypnotize Al Gore, forcing him to claim that global warming really is a myth.
Wal-Mart
Wal-Mart's ultimate weapon is a vortex that sucks up all nearby Mom and Pop shops as well as workers' rights, wages and benefits. Wal-Mart will try to disarm you with its low prices and friendly senior citizen greeter. If you try to fight back, it's prepared to poison you with toxic plastics made in China.
Blackwater (aka Xe)
Blackwater's signature move is the "No-Bid Contract," which enables it to overcharge the government for shooting unarmed civilians. Blackwater is also expert at giving itself crazy makeovers (its new name is Xe!) which helped it secure $22 million from the Obama administration - even though the Iraqi government revoked its license to operate in the war zone. In your face, Iraq!
AIG
AIG uses its mysterious powers over Congress to transform catastrophic debts into piles of taxpayer money. AIG's signature weapon is leveraging your 401k 35-to-1 and then crying foul and taking your tax dollars when it turns out that didn't work so well. AIG has also been known to slap its opponents in the face while shouting "BONUS!"
FOX News
FOX News is perhaps best known for the unique tattoos on its knuckles that spell out the words "Fair" and "Balanced." FOX's signature move is to report inflammatory falsehoods (like calling Michelle Obama Barack's "baby mama"), then uppercut you with Fair and knock you out with Balanced if you try to make a statement of fact.
Ann Coulter
What Ann "The Devil Incarnate" Coulter lacks in facts, she makes up for in pure bile. From calling Obama's memoir "a dimestore 'Mein Kampf'," to saying that Jews need to be "perfected," to calling 9/11 widows "harpies," Coulter's saliva is venomous enough to irrevocably maim anyone she spits at.
Bill O'Reilly
Bill "Papa Bear" O'Reilly is known for using his infamous roar of death to shout down all of his foes until they begin to bleed from the ears. If you try to get a word in edgewise, he will cut you off with his epic sword of trumped-up statistics.
Rush Limbaugh
Rush "I hope Obama fails" Limbaugh has the power to make anyone on the right grovel and apologize to him at will. Rush's secret weapon is known as "The Sinker" - Rush sinks lower than his opponents could have imagined (like by mocking Michael J. Fox's Parkinson's symptoms), then beats his foes while they're still in shock.
Joe Lieberman
You think that Joe Lieberman is on your side, but then he puts on his magical turncoat and all of a sudden he's not. From his ongoing support for the war in Iraq to his willingness to undercut workers' rights, "Traitor Joe" will pull the rug out from under you - then whine and make you conform to his opinion to pass your bill.
Mitch McConnell
Mitch "The Obstructor" McConnell is apt at putting on his infamous "Bush Blinders" - special glasses that allow him to make (and believe!) statements like, "The American economy is hot, growing and booming because of George W. Bush." Progressives run for cover when he breaks out his Filibuster of Doom, threatening to undermine the values we hold dear.
Eric Cantor
Eric "Dr. No" Cantor has used his bully pulpit as House Republican Whip to fight such dangerous legislation as... the stimulus package. Cantor has no troubles using his Wand of Hypocrisy to vote to bail out big banks but oppose tax breaks for 95 percent of American workers and health care for children.
Karl Rove
Karl "Turd Blossom" Rove can dodge Congressional subpoenas at the speed of lightning and is an expert at pushing disempowered groups to the floor, then kicking them while they're down. Also known as "MC Rove," Karl has been known to distract his foes with his sub-par rapping skills while secretly pilfering their civil liberties.
Use the bracket below to vote for the most malevolent forces in American politics - we'll let you know when the results are in for each round so that you can see your evil favorites all the way through to the championship. Just click on the people/corporations you want to vote for, then hit "Vote" at the bottom of the page.
. *We regret to inform John McCain that his application to be a maverick
was rejected after he voted with George W. Bush 90% of the time.
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Posted By: Marta Fernandez
Monday, March 23rd 2009 at 2:20PM
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