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Just two days ago, a woman stopped by my desk for a chat. She's single and well she wasn't the most attractive woman, and she was obese. However, her character was admirable and she showed a display of kindness. She wasn't interested in finding employment though she was look for a good black man. Yes you read that right. She talked of how she had been involved in relationships with black men that only left her with three gorgeous children and her lonely without companionship or marriage. I admit, I just listenened to her all so familar story. I didn't know much on how to advice her either. After all of exhaling of her failure in men, she said she still wants a good black man. One that can be a father to her existing children and a good husband to her. I was wondering is this really what has become of our black men? I know,..I know this doesn't apply to all black men. Here's the thing though, I hear this type of story from so many black females. They become involved with relationships of black men who they feel have failed the qualifications to live up to what's defined as a good black man. Black females are looking for help from a good black man. This has set a cycle of black women who I also hear a lot who are praying that "God will send them a good black man and husband." They are for the majority still waiting! The qualifications they are looking for are not being met, and more and more women are starting to live alone. Are there no good black men for good black women anymore? If you have a good black partner consider yourself in a minority. No, I'm not judging any black man but the pickings are rare and far. So I'm only suggesting that Black men find their "identity" and pursue another way that they can become better for black women. There are so many ways to look such a broad topic like this. Voice yours if you'd like. Maybe next time I see her I can share some good advice for her lonely state of waiting on a good black man. Let's hope that black women won't give up waiting for just ONE to answer the ad.
Posted By: MIISRAEL Bride
Thursday, September 24th 2009 at 10:45AM
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I know there are many out there who are single, and many married who wish they were single. I don't know if there's anything different about black men, though I seem to hear this complaint a lot I think the best one can do is not look too hard. It's better to just wait than end up with another failure.
Thursday, September 24th 2009 at 12:15PM
Steve Williams
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First of all, let's be honest, if anybody is waiting on God to send them anyone or anything they'll die waiting.
Secondly, I'd be willing to bet that if this obese lady were to get fit she wouldn't appear unattractive as you call her. It seems to me that when people are fit they somehow gain facial beauty -- go figure. It's really simple ... it all starts with civility. If one's not a brainiac, then begin reading the news daily and looking for sentence structure, new words to incorporate into regular conversation, and for God's sake, open a dictionary and learn the proper meanings of these new words [not to mention to verify that some words are actually words, like 'conversate']. Next, watch what we eat and how much. Find an exercise that we absolutely love doing -- like tennis for me -- then do it regularly. Dress well and smell good ALL THE TIME. I'm telling you, men will come out of the woodwork. So-called good men aren't willing to settle for women who don't value their beauty.
I know you're thinking what I've said doesn't answer your blog's question, but it does. It's basic advice. And proven. I was an ugly ducking growing up who became overweight for a period of time. I learned to better educate myself, learned to dress better. Learned the art of good conversation and chivalry. And more importantly, got in shape. As I went through life I suddenly became 'handsome' and found myself in relationships with some of the most beautiful women I've ever laid eyes on. And it's not because I wooed them by driving fancy cars or bling-bling. These basic, proven things WILL make her and people in similar situations more attractive -- have her start a regimen now and she won't regret it in the future. Remember, honey attracts more bees than vinegar.
Thursday, September 24th 2009 at 2:59PM
Craig Amos
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Gentlemen, this is good advice. I feel she does need a confidence overhall, and she has mislead herself into being vunerable to fall for anything just to fill her emptiness. There isn't anything wrong with seeking a good man to help her and possibly marry her. Steve you are looking at both sides which I know is also true. So many marriages are in divorce courts today it makes you wonder what can a person do to build stronger and long-lasting relationships. All your advices are good, I'll try to weed through so I can at least give her a light of assurance, but then she'll have to fend what inside of her to blossom even if it doesn't happen she's find the black man she's looking for. Thanks real men!
Thursday, September 24th 2009 at 4:13PM
MIISRAEL Bride
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Miisrael the thing I would have asked this woman to do would have been to make a list of qualities that she wants her partner to have, but the catch is that she can't ask for something in the man that she doesn't have or isn't willing to develop in herself. In this wise, she will be forced to be realistic. The problem with many women is that we don't really know what we want in a man and therefore will settle for anything and at the end of the day we are left "victimized" and singing the tune that there are no good black men.
Thursday, September 24th 2009 at 4:33PM
Jen Fad
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Good point! I must agree. I hear that same old story from women like that all the time. I think they don't know what they want from men. I know there are good men. I will present that to her too!
Thursday, September 24th 2009 at 5:08PM
MIISRAEL Bride
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Clark I will take notes from your response. You've written a sum of advice that is regarded as sensible. I hope to present it well. [Really, this is a real person I'm communicating with and just so you all know --it's not me. ] Many thanks.
Thursday, September 24th 2009 at 7:10PM
MIISRAEL Bride
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Hello T L: I see your overall view in your comment. Not necessarily every woman has the same definition of a good man and each woman may have a different meaning. I couldn't fully understand what she is seeking, but it is evident she's making some kind of cry out to find a mate that will care for her and her children is quite vivid. I am caring enough to advice her, but in the end she'll have to face what she is wanting from her definitive search in terms what a good man is to her. Thanking you.
Thursday, September 24th 2009 at 8:08PM
MIISRAEL Bride
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Miisrael there a great book by the Black guy on CSI NY, Hill Harper that talks about this ...where are the black men. He made a beautiful point that when we speak into existence that there are no good Black men, then that is what we attrack. He advises that we speak what we want to attract. Sounds like something God would say, eh? The book is called, The Conversation. I plan to check it out. http://blackinamerica.com/cgi-bin/blog.cgi...
Friday, September 25th 2009 at 4:12AM
Jen Fad
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Okay, I'll also give her the book title too, it may help. Good idea, LUJF!
Friday, September 25th 2009 at 9:16AM
MIISRAEL Bride
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