Conditioned Response vs. Emotional Investment
November 12, 2010
by Harriet Hairston
A few weeks ago, E. Payne posted an article entitled, “Investing in an Emotional Letdown.“ It was about how many people attach emotions to plans, and when those plans are changed or cancelled at the last minute, how that becomes a liability to their psyche.
Many women commented on the topic, and most were talking about how they knew exactly how being letdown like that felt. Here was my response:
Maybe I’m not as emotional as most women. Perhaps it’s my military training that guards me against disappointment like what you described. Sometimes, however, I wish I were more sensitive. Many times I just feel numb when disappointment and discouragement try to get beyond the walls of my psyche.
Great post, E. Payne. Maybe I need to take the risk to make more emotional investments, even if inherently disappointment is a possible byproduct of that.
Yeah…spoken like a woman with a few issues. Let’s look at this topic from the standpoint of church. For those of you who attend, I’m sure there have been times when the preacher got hype on absolutely nothing, yet if you looked around, everyone was praising the Lord. Or were they? Perhaps they were just giving a CONDITIONED RESPONSE to the culture of the church they attended.
That, my friends, is a conditioned response. Most of the people in this HILARIOUS clip were giving a conditioned response to praise. If it were sincere, it would reflect more of Christ and not that crazy preacher. LOL
What exactly IS a conditioned response? Well, in my mind, it is:
Getting stuck in a comfort zone;
Being on autopilot and not making an emotional investment into daily actions and relationships; or
Doing what is normal in a zombie-like state: no life, no zest.
That’s exactly what I find myself doing from time to time in my own relationships. Yes, I love my husband and children, but at times, I get bogged down in the humdrum of DOING instead of BEING. And that’s a dangerous place for a marriage to stagnate.
That said, I’ve been working hard lately on investing more of my emotions and feelings into my marriage in the following ways:
Studying my husband. Instead of settling for the fact that I know him well, I make it a point to study the “newness” of who he has grown to be since we’ve been married. It’s like falling in love all over again.
Enjoying the seasons instead of being annoyed by the changes. Typically, when the weather gets colder and the leaves fall off the trees, I go about the business of changing my wardrobe and it’s business as usual. I take for granted the beauty of the leaves and complain about having to rake them. The same is true of marriage and parenthood. Instead of complaining about an occasional wet bed or less time to spend together with my husband, I’m learning to celebrate the maturity of both my children and my relationship. Whether I enjoy it or complain about it, it’s bound to change, so I’d rather be emotionally invested instead of going through the motions.
Out with the old and in with the new. If I smell trash, I take it out, right? Otherwise the smell will get worse and worse and take over the entire living space. There’s no sense in lighting candles or spraying deodorizer to cover it up…the trash has got to GO! Unfortunately, in my relationship I had let trash build up over the years, and instead of putting it out, I tried to spray good stuff on top of the garbage that was building up. I had to emotionally rid myself of the old nasty mistakes and pains experienced in the past to enjoy the freshness of my marriage daily.
As a result, my marriage has taken on a new, refreshing light. The windows and doors are open to love, and although the routine still exists, I’m emotionally invested in it. It looks like the returns are going to be pretty lucrative!
BMWK, how do you get beyond the ho-hum of daily living to emotionally invest in your relationships with your family and children?
God bless!
~ Harriet
Harriet Hairston is a woman who slips and slides in and out of labels (military officer, human resource manager, minister, mentor, spoken word artist and teacher). The only ones that have stuck so far are “wife” and “mother” (the most important in her estimation). The rest have taught her well that only what she does for Christ will last. There is one more permanent label she holds: author. You can purchase her first book, ”Who Are You?“ by clicking on the link. You can also contact her at harriet_hairston@yahoo.com.
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Sunday, November 14th 2010 at 8:47AM
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