Describe Your Ideal Partner, What's On Your List? {Let's Talk About It}
Friday Apr 29, 2011 – By Britni Danielle
We all have the list in our minds. You know, the (long, long) list of what we’d like our ideal partner to be like. Some of us have even written it down. But it’s there—lurking in our minds whenever we meet a potential boo. We compare, edit, scratch some things off, make exceptions, or use it to weed out people we deem a bad match.
My list used to be massive. My ideal guy would have to be absolutely brilliant, respect/revere God, know how to talk politics and poetry. He’d recognize the genius of James Baldwin, Illmatic, and The Godfather. Not only would he get my off-beat sense of humor, he’d also be an artist (writer, painter, musician, something). My ideal guy would be masculine yet in touch with his emotions, chivalrous, yet appreciative of a woman’s independence. And he had to be tall…most certainly taller than me so when we embraced my head would fit comfortably on his chest.
My list was long, impressive, and probably impossible. When I look back at all of the things I once felt were deal breakers, I’m amazed I ever fell in love at all. And while it didn’t end up like I wanted, it wasn’t because he wasn’t an artist or didn’t love Illmatic as much as I did.
Recently I began conversing with a gentleman who—amazingly—has many things on my original list. He loves (good) hip-hop as much as I do, he gets my propensity to flit via double entendres, he’s masculine yet appreciates the fact that a woman has her own mind, and he’s smart. The only hitch? We’re the same height. The old me would have immediately pushed him into the friend category simply because he didn’t tower over me. But as I’ve matured, I realize superficial things like height, shouldn’t be barriers to getting to know someone. While it’s way too early to tell what will happen with ol’ boy, I am enjoying getting to know him without worrying about how he matches up to my list.
While it’s important to know what you want in a partner, having a list that’s too expansive and rigid could prevent you from find love in the first place.
We all have the list in our minds. You know, the (long, long) list of what we’d like our ideal partner to be like. Some of us have even written it down. But it’s there—lurking in our minds whenever we meet a potential boo. We compare, edit, scratch some things off, make exceptions, or use it to weed out people we deem a bad match.
My list used to be massive. My ideal guy would have to be absolutely brilliant, respect/revere God, know how to talk politics and poetry. He’d recognize the genius of James Baldwin, Illmatic, and The Godfather. Not only would he get my off-beat sense of humor, he’d also be an artist (writer, painter, musician, something). My ideal guy would be masculine yet in touch with his emotions, chivalrous, yet appreciative of a woman’s independence. And he had to be tall…most certainly taller than me so when we embraced my head would fit comfortably on his chest.
My list was long, impressive, and probably impossible. When I look back at all of the things I once felt were deal breakers, I’m amazed I ever fell in love at all. And while it didn’t end up like I wanted, it wasn’t because he wasn’t an artist or didn’t love Illmatic as much as I did.
Recently I began conversing with a gentleman who—amazingly—has many things on my original list. He loves (good) hip-hop as much as I do, he gets my propensity to flit via double entendres, he’s masculine yet appreciates the fact that a woman has her own mind, and he’s smart. The only hitch? We’re the same height. The old me would have immediately pushed him into the friend category simply because he didn’t tower over me. But as I’ve matured, I realize superficial things like height, shouldn’t be barriers to getting to know someone. While it’s way too early to tell what will happen with ol’ boy, I am enjoying getting to know him without worrying about how he matches up to my list.
While it’s important to know what you want in a partner, having a list that’s too expansive and rigid could prevent you from find love in the first place.
What a Woman Wants in a Man, Original List (age 22):
Handsome
Charming
Financially successful
A caring listener
Witty
In good shape
Dresses with style
Appreciates finer things
Full of thoughtful surprises
An imaginative, romantic lover.
What a Woman Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
Nice Looking (prefer hair on his head)
Opens car doors, holds chairs
Has enough money for a nice dinner
Listens more than talks
Laughs at her jokes
Carries bags of groceries with ease
Owns at least one tie
Appreciates a good home cooked meal
Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
Seeks romance at least once a week
What a Woman Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
Not too ugly (bald head okay)
Doesn't drive off until she's in the car
Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
Nods head when she's talking
Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
Remembers to put the toilet seat down
Shaves most weekends
What a Woman Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
Doesn't belch or scratch in public
Doesn't borrow money too often
Doesn't nod off to sleep when she's venting
Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
Appreciates a good TV dinner
Remembers her name on occasion
Shaves some weekends
What a Woman Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
Doesn't scare small children
Remembers where the bathroom is
Doesn't require much money for upkeep
Only snores lightly when asleep
Remembers why he's laughing
Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
Usually wears some clothes
Likes soft foods
Remembers where he left his teeth
Remembers that it's the weekend
What a Woman Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
Breathing
Doesn't miss the toilet