Posted on June 9th, 2011 - By Bossip Staff
To set the record straight, the information contained in this memo are not my issues; they are of my best friend, whom I have known for years; she is young, beautiful, hilarious, compassionate, fun to be around, business savvy, a bonafide hustler (she got her own) and the list goes on.
A few months ago she meet a guy that she instantly hit it off with, extremely excited about her new relationship and felt she met her match. Initially, to her he was adventurous, had a job, a house, a car and claimed to be as SINGLE she was. She stated that he did disclose to her that he had two children from a previous marriage but, he was divorced for a couple of years. To her he seemed very open to answer or correct any and all questions or concerns she expressed early on in the relationship; and in the beginning he was willing to put all of her anxieties at ease for example; she was invited to his residence, they would talk for hours on the phone, they woke each other up and would often times be the last individuals to say goodnight to each other. She blindly and madly began to fall for him, and ultimately began to engage in unprotected s*x with him.
Quickly this tight bond that I once supported began to quickly soften and their relationship became an association I no longer considered healthy for her. It all began when she called me really late one Friday night crying and really shook up I made an effort to console her. She told me they had just came home from a night out on the town and was preparing to finish the date off with happy endings. She showered then he showered and while he was in the shower his phone started ringing off the hook. Of course she looked at it and saw the caller ID said HOME and a female’s name appeared across the screen. When her man got out the shower she informed him that his phone was jumping and she asked him if he was involved in a relationship or married; he did not respond to her answer, said that it was complicated and promptly left her house.
He insisted that they needed to meet because he had not been completely honest with her. She agreed to meet him (which I begged her not to do) and he explained that he was married but separated and had been separated for a while now. His thing was he was frightened to enforced the finalization of the divorce because he was avoiding a potentially bitter and possibly financially depressing annulment.
Fast forward a few months and she’s pregnant. When she broke the news to me I was excited that she was excited and thought that all of the better would work out for them after all they did seem very happy and in sync when I did see them together. Soon after she informed him of the pregnancy almost instantly the phone conversations significantly decreased, it became harder to get in touch with him and finding time to get together was nearly impossible. As of today she is about 3 months pregnant and has not spoken to her knight in shining armor in about a month and a half. After several attempts to get in touch with him she has been unsuccessful.
Well, in my line of work, I have access to certain information and I’m not above a little facebook research, that’s not her style but shoot something doesn’t seem right. For starters his “HOME” belongs him and his wife and has always belonged to the both of them, he has been married before and he and his present wife have never filed for a divorce, the civil records search was nationwide.
Perplexed, saddened and disappointed I had to inform my friend correct information and documentation provided to me on her beau. She was deeply distraught by the facts and asked me the hardest questions she has ever asked me before, which was…….”What should I do? Do I keep the baby? If I cannot get in touch with him do I confront the wife? Should I be a single mother and move on with my life, or should I abort the baby?” Because as she said, “I did not sign up for this.”
As a friend I did not want to add any insults to injury and I damn sure did not want to give her any answers when I did not take all facts and thoughts into consideration; which is why I am reaching out to you for insight. What advice would you give my friend? What advise should I give her or should I give her any of my input at all? Please help me I am at a loss for words however, since I am one of the few people that she does share her private information with I don’t want my opinion to be bias so, I am reaching out to a 3rd party source. What should she do? What would you do? What is the normal reaction or outcome of women who have encountered similar situations?
Good day to you, sis! Thank you for writing in and sharing your story. So, wow … this is one long, juicy tale of heartache. What should be acknowledged primarily is being a true friend in far from easy and when you’re a friend to someone you’re honest and, unfortunately, a lot of times, the truth hurts. As you’ve stated, you don’t want to be biased in your thoughts and advisory, however, all you can do is give your personal perspective and support whatever she does from there. From what you’ve written, it sounds like you’ve done all you could do make her aware of what she’s really dealing with, even though the truth had been disclosed to her from the man’s mouth!
In all honesty, sis, you said that this woman is beautiful, smart and has her own. So, for someone with so much going for her it seems that she would have enough self worth and accomplishments under her belt to invest her time in a man that’s available. True enough, she was blindsided by the fact that he wasn’t honest with her about his divorce but she made the decision to continue to see him even after he told her the truth – which was he wasn’t divorced! So, fast forward a few months later, she’s pregnant with a married man’s baby and now she wants to know what to do? These are all the repercussions she should’ve evaluated before she decided to continue the relationship and, basically, she dug her own ditch! Should she tell his wife? What for? It will do nothing for her or the baby, should she she decide to carry on with the pregnancy. If she decides to keep the child, that’s his battle he’ll have to fight with his wife and later she’ll have to accept if and when they’re willing to accept the child, first, and her as it’s mother second. Telling the wife to seek vengeance or to try and get coax him into an official relationship will only backfire … these types of situations never yield positive results.
So, sis. Here’s the deal. You’ve given her all the information you have access to and now it’s up to her to make the decision and you should be firm in your approach! You can say, “lady, I love you and you know that but this is your life and quite possibly another life, so there’s really nothing I can or will say to persuade you. The choice is yours and I’ll be here for you and the baby if you decide to go through with this.” This is where being a friend is hard because now all you can offer is her is silence and support in terms of her keeping or aborting the baby. However, the situation between him and his wife is between them and regardless of if she tried to interfere, she has no idea what the terms of their marriage are so chances are it will fail to work in her favor. All you can encourage her to do at this point is stay healthy and love herself enough to make whatever choice she feels is right for her and hold her hand through it. Best of luck to you and her, sis! Best of luck …
What are your thoughts, Bossip Fam? Please share your thoughts below.
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Sunday, June 12th 2011 at 10:06AM
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