by Franchesca Warren | on June 28th, 2012
Black and Married With Kids.com
A Positive Image of Marriage and Family
I’m not one who’s big on predetermined roles in relationships but after 5 years of marriage (and 7 years of dating) I’ve come to realize that there are some things that my husband HAS to do. There’s no negotiation, bartering or exchanging—these are jobs I need him to do or else I’m a nervous wreck.
The jobs I’m talking about have nothing to do with wedding vows but are smaller jobs that keep our marriage together on a “day to day” basis. There’s no discounting how important these smaller things are because when I’ve tried to “handle” them—things have gone down hill quickly!
As you read these jobs some will laugh, while others will shake their head for me not being that “independent” woman—that’s fine, I can admit that even women like myself can’t do it all.
1. Our household’s automobile repairs, needs and potential accidents. I am notorious for not taking care of my cars. I forget to get oil changes, I run into objects and I’ve even been known to even forget to put gas in my car. All of these situations have lead me into situations where someone’s mad and I’m an emotional wreck so when we got married, my husband agreed to take over ALL of our automobile needs. All I would have to do is fill my car up with gas and drive it.
Just last week a sensor went off in my car indicating that something was wrong with one of my tires. I reluctantly went and put more air in it but it still stayed on. By the time I got home I was highly irritated so I gave my husband the keys and asked him to handle it. There was no way I was going to go into a car repair shop and listen to some man explain some car “mumbo jumbo” with me looking at him like he was speaking Spanish. Knowing I was frustrated he took my car and made the light go off. I did not ask him what he did I just knew that now I could drive my car without a sensor coming on. For years he’s tried to convince me to learn how to change a tire, change my oil but I refuse to listen. Isn’t that what’s he and AAA are for?
2. Fixing major repairs around our house. I’m not talking about minor repairs (clogged toilets, drains, etc) but major repairs that come “out of nowhere”. There’s something about either a major appliance breaking or going out that can send me hovering in a corner. I start to calculate the cost and time and all reason goes out the window!
Last winter the heat went out in the downstairs of our house in the dead of winter. We had just came home from a weekend in Florida and when we walked in, I felt like I was still outside. I called the Home Warranty company and like always they began to use all kind of legal language to basically tell me that appliance wasn’t covered by our policy. I was cold, angry and about to start yelling so I did what I knew was best. I handed the phone to my husband and took the kids upstairs while he dealt with them. Less than 24 hours later we were sitting nice and toasty in some heat—courtesy of my husband’s negotiating skills.
There are other crisis around the house that come up and there is nothing more comforting when my husband says, “Let me handle it.” I swear I feel like a thousand pounds are lifted off my shoulders and those words allow me relax instead of going into a panic. Knowing that at times he may be at work or not able to take care of it, I know how to handle most repairs but it just makes me relaxed knowing most of the time I do not have to.
3. If an unwanted animal is found on our property—I go into paranoid mode. I hate anything that crawls or scurries especially snakes, mice, squirrels. So imagine how hysterical I was when I found out a squirrel had gotten into our attic! Panicked by thoughts of waking up with a squirrel on my chest, I had to pack up the kids and leave our house while my husband found a way to get out of our house. Everyone thought I was being dramatic but I literally would think about it and go into a frenzy. My husband agreed to “take care of it” and within 24 hours he called and told me he had trapped the squirrel and it was okay for us to come home!
There are other things my husband does that he doesn’t get enough credit for. If we hear a noise in the middle of the night, my husband goes downstairs to investigate the noise (usually called by some random object falling) and calm our fears. If something comes up at work that has me on the edge he calms me down before I go into a crisis mode. I can’t always be independent so I’m grateful to have a husband that is strong when I’m weak!
In the end, when my husband handles these “crises” it allows me to relax and take care of all of the motherly/wifely duties that I have to do.
BMWK family, what are some jobs you expect your spouse to do?
About the author
Franchesca Warren is writer, author, blogger, educator, runner, entrepreneur, mother and overall BossyGirl. She’s currently working on her second book detailing her chronicles of working in two of the roughest urban school districts with a release date of August 2012. You can find her full-time on her blog chronicling her life trying to balance it all and run a marathon by the end of the year. In her spare time she runs her own editing company, The Editing Nerd, and working on the launch of her first magazine. For a daily account of the good, bad and ugly of being a BossyGirl follow her on Twitter!
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Thursday, June 28th 2012 at 10:44AM
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