By Black Love And Marriage.com on July 9, 2012
in Black Men,Love & Marriage
By Jaustin
We’re all busy, so any time you can knock a few things off the to-do list is a good time. Not only do we want to save time, we want to save mental energy—something we spend a lot of on our men, and often, don’t need to. The reality is, we’re more sensitive than they are. It’s the curse of being mutli-taskers. We are also multi-thinkers and are aware of everything, at every moment.
Here are 6 things we put way too much time into for our guys that we just don’t have to…
Checking in
If a woman has something big happening in her life (sick family member, waiting to hear about a job promotion), she will get mad at her man if a substantial amount of time has passed and he hasn’t asked how that thing is going, all on his own accord. For that reason, women make a point of frequently checking in with a guy about something big happening in his life but, the truth is, if he wants to talk about it, he will talk about it. And he won’t notice if you don’t bring it up on your own.
Shaving
Let’s be real, once you’ve been dating for a while, and things are getting going in the bedroom, his hands just go straight for the goods. The arbitrary leg rubbing goes out the window. Don’t let things get out of control but, you don’t need to keep baby smooth legs every day. (Hopefully men don’t read this article, or they’ll begin paying attention to your stems, even if they didn’t before!)
Planning dates
Women often feel they’re in a rut if their nights with their men consist of eating dinner, watching a movie and going to sleep. We begin to feel disconnected from our guys. But, that fear of getting disconnected comes from fearing that men feel disconnected from us. So, we panic. We get in planning mode and we push to go to the zoo, or go on a hike, or have a double date with friends. We push for it even on nights when it’s inconvenient or you’re both exhausted. Not only does that begin to bother men but, the truth is, they don’t feel anything is wrong if you’re just hanging out, watching TV most nights. Men don’t overthink things like we do. They still like you just the same, with or without a big to-do.
Pushing to bond
This is a sub-part of worrying about planning dates. We also fear men lose interest in us, or their feelings wane, if we’re not having all the extensive, deep talks we had in the beginning of the relationship. So, we push for talks. “Turn the TV off. Let’s talk.” And then, it’s awkward. Conversations don’t start that way. The truth is, if he’s happy just hanging out with you that means he is totally comfortable with you. He probably isn’t thinking it’s a bad thing. Don’t stress too much about it. He probably still loves you just as much as those nights you’d talk for hours. He doesn’t need to be reminded every night how intellectual or kind you are through long conversations. He has that stored info in his head.
Reading Kama Sutra
I’ve done it, studied up on all sorts of positions. And, the reaction I’ve gotten most of the time is either confusion, or major surprise. Or “What are you doing? I liked what we were doing before.” Essentially, men don’t worry about switching things up as much as we think they do. They’re men. If they’re getting laid, they’re happy. Will they appreciate some variety? Sure. But don’t waste time stressing that he will lose interest in sleeping with you if you’re not a gymnast in the bedroom. He is not going to lose interest in s*x.
Surprise gifts
Since we’re natural caregivers, we think about our men everywhere we go. We pick things up for them in the grocery store, at the bookstore, in the airport. It’s cute. It’s sweet. But, there’s a point at which, the reaction and appreciation you’ll get for those gifts stagnates. It hits a high point, and doesn’t go any higher. What I’m saying is, things aren’t going to die between the two of you if you get him one gift a month, versus one gift a week. He will still look at you with those adoring eyes.
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Tuesday, July 10th 2012 at 10:17AM
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