By Black Love And Marriage.com on July 17, 2012
in s*x & Intimacy
By Dr. Martha Lee
You hear of conscious s*xuality but whatever does it mean? It essentially means going within yourselves and reconnecting with each other consciously. One of the ways you can practice doing so is through authentic touch? Through mindful touching, you can renew the romance in your relationship and rekindle flames of passion.
There are four essential types of touching:
1. Giving – In this touch, you are essentially delivering the kind of touch, which your partner likes based on their explicit request – to the right part of the body and how it should be done; including the grip and strength. This may be a back rub, shoulder massage, or body cradle. The giver’s intention is to be generous and to nurture the recipient. Givers can solicit feedback from the receiver, so they can improve their techniques.
2. Receiving – Conversely the other person is being given touch and actively receiving touch. The receiver’s role is to be open in experiencing pleasure through being touched. Expressions of pleasure, such as smiling and making noises, as well as gratitude to the giver, will reinforce that the touch is desirable and wanted. It is important the receiver learns to understand their own body’s responses. Receivers may give feedback to the giver so the touch can be even better next time.
3. Absorbing – With this touch, the absorber is the one doing the touching, while the one being touched is the allower. The absorber is focused on what he or she can feel through touching, rather than giving what the allower wants. There is still authentic consent while the absorber is activating the muscles of their body through for instance, the use of the back of the arm, wrist, hand, palm and fingertips. The absorber’s role is to enjoy the range of pleasure possible through the physical connection.
4. Allowing – The person being touched is allowing to be touched by the absorber without judgment or evaluation. In surrendering, the allower can effectively “melt” into taking the touch right into his or her body, and essentially be able to attain an even deeper state of relaxation. This surrender may takes place not just physically, but also mentally.
Benefits of Conscious Touching
To ask: We become fixed in giving the type of touch which we think our partner likes, wants, or had asked for before. We forget that needs, wants and desires can change. Sometimes, we ourselves, get caught up with what we are used to – and forget to ask.
To receive: One partner is usually more comfortable giving than receiving. Through deliberate practice, it is possible to become more comfortable with receiving and asking for what is a more pleasurable touch.
To explore: Absorbing reminds us that it is also important to give the touch we like and to experience pleasure through the touches we enjoy giving our partners. In practising absorbing touching, we are nudged into remembering the joy of an exploratory touch.
To come alive: Absorbing and allowing touches allow us to feel more sensation in our bodies. When we feel more, and when we can also feel the pleasure of touching our partner, this is when the “magic” happens.
Practising these four different types of touch will clarify how you relate with your partner. Conscious connecting will bring a new level of presence and sensuality to all your touches together. Go reach out and touch – today.
Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical s*xologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified s*xuality educator with AASECT (American Association of s*xuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified s*xologist with ACS (American College of s*xologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human s*xuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human s*xuality as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching and s*x therapy. She is available to provide s*xuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct s*xual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia and beyond. For more, visit
www.ErosCoaching.com.
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Tuesday, July 17th 2012 at 12:37PM
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