By Black Love And Marriage.com on October 9, 2012
In Becoming One,Communication
By Team BLAM
Where is the safe space in your relationship? Do you have rituals that you and and your spouse engage in TOGETHER that shifts your mental and emotional atmosphere in such a way that you to feel secure in the midst of chaos. Is there some place in your relationship where you can slowly close your eyes and relax because you know in this space there’s stillness? When you dance with your spouse? When you hold your spouse’s hand? When you gaze into their eyes? When you kiss? When you’re in each other’s arms? Where is the safe space in your relationship?
We ask this question because there will be times in your relationship when you get tired. There will be times when even the idea of another word spoken is exhausting. There will be times when you’re wore the hell out. There will be times when you just flat out don’t feel like fighting anymore and you’ll need a safe space to be able to express that.
One way to assess the emotional maturity of your relationship is to ask yourself do you feel comfortable telling your spouse “I don’t feel like fighting anymore”? Do you feel comfortable telling your spouse that you’re overwhelmed and you need a break whether it be with the kids, with work, with life, with whateva? When you express that…how does your spouse respond? Is he/she supportive? Do they provide that safe space for you or are they critical when you take the risk to convey “I don’t feel like fighting anymore”?
If you don’t feel comfortable expressing to your spouse that you need to take a moment to “tap out”…that’s a problem. If you don’t feel comfortable acknowledging that you’re not on your “A” game right now…and truthfully you’re barely getting a “F”….that’s a problem. If you’re not o.k. saying baby I need you to handle “this”, because you just don’t have it in you….that’s a problem. You need room in your relationship to express the range of emotions that you’re going to experience.
An admission of a feeling is not resignation to a permanent state of being, it’s just an expression of where you are emotionally in that moment. Just because you say you need a break it doesn’t mean that you’re necessarily gonna take a break. You may …or may not. More importantly, as we work through our relationships we need to know that at some point we all will want to say to our significant other, “I don’t feel like fighting anymore”. And it’s in that moment of vulnerability, that what we want most from our spouse is for them to simply UNDERSTAND.
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Tuesday, October 9th 2012 at 1:32PM
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