Black and Married With Kids.com
A Positive Image of Mariage & Family
By Renae Gylbert
When I found myself raising my daughters alone in 2009, I refused to become the typical single parent sad story. Struggling, relying on welfare for years, being unemployed. And I knew the numbers were not in my favor. According to the Kids Count Organization, 67% of Black children were raised in single parent homes in 2013.
Today, I am a happy single mom to two little girls, 8-year-old Kira and 6-year-old Lani. Kira was recently accepted into my city’s gifted services academy for advanced children. Lani recently received a math performance award in her class and is a very advanced reader as well.
Of course, they are not child geniuses but I cannot help but to correlate some habits I established early in their lives to their academic achievements today. You’ll be surprised what a quiet home, challenging work, high standards and love will do for a child’s development.
Keep Your Home Quiet
They certainly fight and bicker, but I’ve found that shutting everything down, TV, radio and voices, during homework and reading time makes my daughters a lot more focused. They ask me to pronounce challenging words and difficult problems as opposed to just ignoring the problem and never asking how to articulate it. Additionally, I am in the room when they are reading. It shows them that I am immediately accessible to them if they have questions.
Give Them Advanced Material on Purpose
Kira is in the second grade so I gave her fifth grade reading and work books. Lani is in the first grade so I gave her third grade reading and work books. Then, we hold brief discussions about the books so I know they are retaining the themes and lessons they just read. In fact, Kira was reading a Michelle Obama biography recently stating how the Harvard-educated First Lady’s parents would give her advanced books to read as a child too.
Set The Bar High Early On
Another single parent I know has teenage girls, all making straight As. So I asked her what was the secret ingredient? She said she would simply encourage her kids to try to be the brightest in class. So I tried it on mine. I certainly did not pressure them or get angry when they did not perform at the same level as Little Buddha, but I would tell them intelligence often equates an excellent career and life. When we drive through upper class neighborhoods, my girls would say, “Mommy, I had a big house like that in my dreams!” And I would tell them that excellent grades are a good start at making that dream a reality.
Love Them
I noticed that just being there and loving them was the single most important thing I did. When they do homework, I am there. When they ask questions about their homework, I am there. Even when they are not putting much effort into their work, aside from my disappointment, I still sit there and give them support. When they bring home high markers, we celebrate in some humble way. When they have an event at school, I am present. Just being there and being involved is more than enough to show them you love them unconditionally and care about their accomplishments.
Single parents do not always have the money for expensive tutors, summer school or other activities to help their children progress academically. But you probably don’t even need it right now! Providing a stable home, challenging work, high standards and lots of love could do wonders in your child’s academic achievement.
Renae Gylbert is a part-time freelance writer living in Hampton Roads, Virginia with her two daughters, Kira and Lani. She holds a dual MBA/MSM from the University of Maryland University College. She enjoys writing about a variety of topics, but she is most passionate about women’s health as seen on her website, The Hirsutism Hub. Gylbert has been featured on many mainstream sites like Yahoo Style and Black Doctor.
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Posted By: Yaiqab Saint
Sunday, April 19th 2015 at 9:27AM
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