Except for the s*x, a lot of women think they don't need a man. I disagree, but I hear that sentiment a lot. The black man is luscious, endowed with a great capacity for love. The fact that he exists, despite his severe and excruciating history of adversity, makes him more vulnerable and susceptible to painful frustration. As a black woman, you understand. You hunger to make it up to him in some way. You want to hold him and make it better. You open yourself to him. Through your own vulnerability you are damaged by his hidden rage and fury about his struggle, that at first glance seems under control. The very condition that lures you, then shackles you in a complicated dilemma. You have compassion and a critical understanding of his conflict, but he makes a mockery of that empathy, by hurting you in some way. It's that hurt that, I believe, causes many women to deny that need for him.
But whatever the result of relationships between black men and his female partners, once children are involved, it changes everything whether or not you planned it, wanted it or can fit it into your life. Breaking a child's heart multiplies the losses of any games played between men and women. It's wicked. So while some women believe they don't need a man, when a child enters this scenario it changes all the dynamics. That child needs that man to be a father.
Black men need to stop wimping out and stop resigning themselves to be this disposable entity! We need black men to take back their rightful place and stop allowing the status quo to dictate the terms of the relationship with their children. A father's love is so important, that if children don't get it, it distorts them, creates empty and broken places that they fill with trash.
G.Smallwood is the author of the upcoming book, "Black Men Stop!" An excerpt can be read at
www.blackmenstop.com 
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Posted By: g smallwood
Saturday, July 26th 2008 at 8:36AM
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