I originally posted part of this in Mr. Jonathan Carter's Blog, but I dusted it off to offer it to my brothers.
WHAT IS LOVE?
I got married/ divorced at a young age. I was an inner-city kid, doing the thangs¨ that poor inner-city Black males do to get by or get over. In my role as a player, hustler, thug...I met a "Dime¨. Of course we had very little in common other than her good looks and my paper...but that was enough.
She was from the good part of the city and I was from the worst! No really...the worst...
Thankfully, my high school principle took a shinning to me because in her words " I was going to walk across that stage."
The principle (Mrs. Parker) had seen my father, mother, uncles, cousins, and brother drop out or not make it across that hard to reach stage. So she decided that I would graduate at any cost. Everyday, she called my house and got me up. Often, she met me at the parking lot and made sure I really came into the school and stayed all day (well most of the day)..what a lady!
As a result of Mrs. Parker, my "Dime's¨ mother assumed that I was at the very least going to school every day. Sure I had money all the time, "ran off abruptly to meet friends", and bought new (used) cars regularly... but I was still in school. And on the east coast in the inner-cities in the mid-1980 that was a big deal.
Shortly after Mrs. Parker had ensured I'd graduated, circumstances in the streets presented themselves that made is critical that I leave the city. So within days of being caught up in absolute chaos I joined the military. But homesick, trying to fit into the uniformed world and scared that this would soon come to an end because of my past...I drove 1600 miles roundtrip to elope with my "Dime¨ to save her.
Little did I know that Love is a learned behavior and I hadn't taken the class or read the book. Hell I didn't even know that a book existed.
It didn't take long for us to have what I see now as normal newlywed arguments. In my mind, I was right...and I was dare sure going to be right in my own house. Just like in the streets (and maybe even in the military) the strongest person wins the argument/fight.
My goodness did we have some tremendous fights. And these fights were over some of the dumbest stuff.
But in every case...dumb fight or not...I mochoed up and went to battle. It wasn't about LOVE...it was about winning! Sure I Loved her...because I told her that I did. I'd even figured in my mind that I wouldn't argue with her if I didn't Love her (I think I'd heard that somewhere).
Every day I said ...I LOVE YOU... when I wasn't returning a counter threat of bodily harm for some new dumb fight. ..."I'll cut off your this...I'll choke you by your that¨. And the obligatory....pre-s*x and before you walk out the door..I LOVE YOU.
So as you can imagine (or have lived) the marriage ended badly.
One day a few years later while alone in a club in western Germany trying to figure out whose daughter I'd take home that night...it hit me (and hard). I had no idea what Love was. Growing up in the streets, Love was something you said to girls for s*x! Showing Love was for suckers. From the way I walked, dressed, talked, and expressed myself....I lived as if I was a warrior...and warriors don't show weakness.
s*x/LUST was what I knew. Sadly, I didn't even know the kind of Love that Mrs. Parker had shown me as a boy. Love for your fellow man for his/her betterment....I didn't know that kind of Love. I could hand out money from time to time...but that was more to show that I was a thousandnaire than a Loving guy.
Taking somebody home, paying your ladies bills or heated arguments over nothing wasn't Love. And worse, I needed to learn how to Love me before I could Love anyone else.
Here I am many years later and let me tell you that this is an everyday struggle. Because I didn't grow up with this Love stuff...I am constantly having to reassess things that I do just because ...to see if they are counter to showing Love or being Loving.
What about you brother...are you loving her right?
Are you Loving you right?
Are you loving us right?
Do we as a family need to learn how to love...is this an important issue for us?
What will you teach your son/ daughter about Love?
Posted By: Dr. Ahmad Glover
Sunday, August 3rd 2008 at 8:40AM
You can also
click
here to view all posts by this author...
