Have you experienced at some time or another a guilt on saying or telling someone who asked something of you that you replied with an answer of NO. Take for instance; someone asks to use your car, or to loan them money. You said NO, but there inside you are left with dealing with a guilty feeling of letting them down. There is an art to saying NO, and many people often just go ahead and say yes, to keep from feeling guilty. However, inside you really wanted to say NO.
There was a time I couldn't say NO. I just couldn't say it. Sometimes I suffered with emotional feelings of guilt. I didn't want them to feel I was being selfish, or as being mean and insenative to their needs of me. Actually, in some cases I wished I had said NO. It was just difficult for me, and then to top it off. when I did say NO to the person, they would throw words in my face like: "One day you'll need me to help you" This tumbled my confidence into a pool full of guilts. So, I would change my mind and tell them yes. For years, I had a problem with saying NO.
I look at myself as being a loving, kindhearted and gentle natured spirit. When I love, I truly show genuine love . I help others I'm in contact with and I often still say yes to helping others as much as I can. But one day, I while I was reading God's word, I read of Jesus healing the sick and casting out devils and working miracles on many people. He did many miracles. I thought did he ever turn any away. I am sure he had to. For the multitude of the sick were great, and many times he had to say NO.
There is also another approach to this possibility. He tells us that NO one will enter the kingdom who is an adulterer, bears false witness, fornicator, or idol worshipper or any one that are workers of iniquity will enter into the kingdom of God. He will tell them NO. And with his answer being NO, he will not be overcome with guilty feelings for his answer of NO will be just.
I can say NO now, especially when I know that I have done what I can to help someone, and they are only using me and making me a candidate for their dependency of wants. I can say NO without feeling the guilt of helping workers of iniquities, who use me to obtain their pleasures; or for their advantages to pleasing their needs which are up to no good.
If you have problems with saying NO to someone, I urge to examine the needs and requirements of the person, and strengten your assertiveness with good reasoning and resourcefulness. Practice helping others with clear observation so that if you say NO you will not have the wear a guilty coat. Helping them when you are able to, and saying NO without any guilt. I still of course say yes, but I know now I am not guilty of unjustly treating them when I can say "NO" I still sometime feel I could of said yes, but I trust God in using sound and responsible actions in my decision making.
If you have suggestions, on how to say 'NO' without guilt you may help someone become stronger and a more assertive individual. Please post your comments. We all could use help sometimes. To this I can say "Yes" we do.
Posted By: MIISRAEL Bride
Saturday, August 9th 2008 at 10:54AM
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