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Years ago i suffered thru a pretty bad divorce, and one day talking to my mother who was will be 83 this weekend, gave this piece of advise. Greg, A man needs a woman to talk to that is not his wife, mother, sister, daughter or cousin.... Being 83 she was born in 1926 and grew up in an area where a man had to do 2 things to have a bed . 1 bring home his pay check and 2 never puts his hands on her. Now fast forward to 2008 and the internet... is it wrong for a man to have FRIENDS that his wife doesnt know about? By the way... is it still worng>
Posted By: GREGORY GULLEY
Tuesday, August 12th 2008 at 4:00PM
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Well Gregory this would be an interesting one for many reasons, especially with my own post today by the Good Dr. But I think if a wife is aware of who her husbands friends are male/female if she is ok with it then, it should be fine to befriend someone of the opposite s*x. But if your spouse doesn't know, and you're having these seceret friendship or conversations with another woman. My opinion, that makes it wrong. I will emphasize it depends what the level of the conversations are. If you guys are coworkers of course that's not what I'm talking about. If you pick up feeling and you enjoy conversing with that individual, you sleep, eat, walk, talk them ( there's an issue )!
Etana
Tuesday, August 12th 2008 at 4:30PM
Etana Busara
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Colette,
Um see what had happened was.... but seriously what happened once he found out that you knew what he was doing?
Tuesday, August 12th 2008 at 4:35PM
GREGORY GULLEY
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Etana,
I was convicted of having a relationship with one of my female co-workers from years ago, and never toughed her!!!! You see in the military we can spend 20 hours a day with someones spouse and of course those relationships will have a real level of friendship that most spouses will not agree to... But on the other hand how is one not going to worry about the trails and tribulations of a friend when they are told of a situation that botheres a loved one? WHen one REFLECTS on things and who the chose to befriend and whether or not the hook up the web cam, only that individual will be able to justify their decision..
But how could me 82 year old mother be wrong :)
Tuesday, August 12th 2008 at 4:40PM
GREGORY GULLEY
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Greg, I'm going to be frank with you. My husband and I do not have friends of the opposite s*x that we're not BOTH friends with.
Plus, why kinds of friends do you have that you can't bring to the light? No person...man or woman...can be friends with me if they have to keep it secret. That's red flag #1.
...just one married woman's opinion.
Blessings...
Tuesday, August 12th 2008 at 4:43PM
Dee Gray
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Great answer Dee'. I second Dee's notion :-)
Etana
Tuesday, August 12th 2008 at 4:44PM
Etana Busara
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Plus, the internet, text messaging and voicemail weren't around in 1926. Things they are a changin'! LOL.
Blessings...
Tuesday, August 12th 2008 at 4:45PM
Dee Gray
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Yeah a man would walk 30 miles one way to see a women, thru Redneck infested swamp country, i think the internet takes to effort out of it. I'm not defending the Triflin men on BIA, and trust me, here in lies some of the best... Well educated, articulate, well connected, as Etana mentioned in her blog, some are even financially and professionally blessed... but as simple folk who serve to protect those i know and dont know... I just wanted to know if my Momma was wrong. And Dee you sure you know ALL of Mr Grays's friends? Again I aint trying to get beat down, but I aint the most Triflin on this site... I was just repeating what my dear old mother told me..
Tuesday, August 12th 2008 at 4:51PM
GREGORY GULLEY
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Gregory, yes, I AM sure. My husband and I are the result of Godly, open and honest communication. Yes, we have our issues, but members of the opposite s*x aren't one of them. Plus, for us, "friend" is not a word used lightly. I'm especially benefitted by the fact that my husband is a true introvert. He lets very few into his intimate circle. I know who I married...and THANK GOD.
Blessings...
Tuesday, August 12th 2008 at 5:19PM
Dee Gray
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Great, but i still say you have a story to tell about a triflin man...
Tuesday, August 12th 2008 at 5:21PM
GREGORY GULLEY
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Someday, Greg...someday !!! LOL!
Blessings...
Tuesday, August 12th 2008 at 5:27PM
Dee Gray
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I will as well as most that have read some of your other posts be waiting to read about this triflin man...
Tuesday, August 12th 2008 at 5:28PM
GREGORY GULLEY
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I am gonna stick my nose in here and I know someone's gonna wanna chop it off but . . . everybody is not the same. One person's innocent is another person's guilty. Whether internet or workplace people tend to form relationships. The longer that relationship last the closer the individuals get. By closer, I mean they share more and more of themselves as they continue to communicate with each other. It forms a familial bond. In some cases these bonds can feel as strong as some of your family relationships. Doesn't necessarily mean these friends are contemplating breaking their marriage vows. They just feel comfortable with one another. Another point is this, am I correct in assuming you all went deaf, dumb and blind to the opposite s*x when you became permanently linked to your mate? You can honestly say that no one else has peaked your interest since you've been married. If you haven't, I salute you. I don't believe you but if its true you are an extraordinary person. Honestly, I quite often see women that are attractive to me. The thing that keeps me from doing anything stupid is that I love my wife and our kids. The thought of jeopardizing that scares the living daylights out of me. So I refrain. Does that make me a bad person for being attracted to someone else. I don't think so. I think its human nature. You will find other people than your spouses attractive. To me, the difference is whether you act on that attraction or not.
Tuesday, August 12th 2008 at 9:42PM
Tony Boyd
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Tony,
U must know my Momma!!!!! But true post and finally someone out there that understands we all did not have our eyes removed once we said i do. matter of fact what i find attractive in my Mrs I find attractive no matter where i see it. T_Boyd you can comment anytime on one of my blogs appreciate the honesty
Tuesday, August 12th 2008 at 10:22PM
GREGORY GULLEY
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Interesting topic. I think it is healthy for people to have a multitude of friends. And I'm not talking being attracted to someone, but real friendship.
Just as I have guy friends I have plenty of lady friends. Maybe even more. There's a certain way ladies make me feel BUT, I don't cross that line w/them. People are people so why discriminate?
Etana, if you're still reading, I'm curious as to what post you referred to? I didn't see a post alluding to you and the Good Dr.
Tuesday, August 12th 2008 at 10:32PM
Craig Amos
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Yes Hi Craig, I had taken the Good Dr. down already. It served it's purpose for the short time that I needed feed back.
Etana.
Tuesday, August 12th 2008 at 10:49PM
Etana Busara
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Hey move it along... JUST KIDDING... Craig you missed it Etana mentioned some chocolate Denzel type cat that owned half the Doctors offices in VA... nd was showing his tail...
Tuesday, August 12th 2008 at 10:56PM
GREGORY GULLEY
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Mister Johnson...EXCELLENT PERSPECTIVE. Your wife must be as relieved as I am about my husband and he is about me.
Blessings...
Wednesday, August 13th 2008 at 12:13AM
Dee Gray
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My post spoke of advise recieved a few years ago, never did i say I step out on my wife. But Mr Johnson did mention a key word "PERSPECTIVE" and a friend shared between my spouse and i will have a biased view and would base their advise on a mutual friendship vice her gut reaction.
Wednesday, August 13th 2008 at 12:29AM
GREGORY GULLEY
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Having friend of any gender is fine. Hiding it is not. Purposeful deception will ruin a marriage.
Wednesday, August 13th 2008 at 12:14PM
Dr. S. Maxwell Hines
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your mother was on the money Mr. gulley, in my oppinion and I'm going to share why, to begin I'd like to say tho that normally your spouse and you will be of the opposite s*x and should be able to comunicate and take EACH OTHER's advice, BUT if for any reason this is not the case, you 2 need to seek the root of this issue and get it resolved, or else desolve the relationship in all. Or it could be that in your relationship your not getting acurate advice, or you may just not understand his/her point.This is when you seek advice from other women/men simply for a better comprehention of things.
Saturday, September 13th 2008 at 1:40PM
darinesha ray
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DRAY,
background: whne i was going thru my divorce i had met and becan a friendship with my current wife... and my mother's advice was really support of my decision to at least attempt to talk to someone to see why my marriage was failing. aside from the actual bad decision made during my first marriage... the "other' friend was indeed needed to ensure I wasn't crazy for making my mind up to continue seeking a divorce.
Saturday, September 13th 2008 at 3:45PM
GREGORY GULLEY
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Daddy said it best..."For there is no man that doeth any thing in secret, and he himself seeketh to be known openly. If thou do these things, shew thyself to the world." "For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil." As with any relationship there must be a level of trust. My hubby flirts with women of all ages, all the time. It don't bother me. If your relationship is a healthy one, true love can conquer all things, including and not limited to infidelity. We cannot disallow our spouses to disassociate with the opposite s*x entirely, because we are all part of one body. We cannot come together as one if we are divided. Daddy said, "A house divided cannot stand". Give him/her the benefit of the doubt and communicate!! GB
Saturday, September 13th 2008 at 4:20PM
Lesley Knight
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LK, WHo your "Daddy?" I must got one of his books or something... but you are correct... and the background story to my mothers words was previously mentioned... but sadly MANY on BIA erase their web page history because they got some site hidden fromtheir mates... Yet they judge...
Saturday, September 13th 2008 at 4:27PM
GREGORY GULLEY
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GG God my Daddy! Surely you have his book! He even signed it for you. GB
Saturday, September 13th 2008 at 4:39PM
Lesley Knight
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Etana, I was given this wisdom many. many years ago, "watch the one who is bring you the news". Be even more careful of the news begining with"I do not want to tell you this because I know it is going to hurt you...."
Been there, done that!!!!!
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA
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R-E-S-E-P-C-T!!!!!!!!I repeat,self respect is demanded by self-esteem!!!Simple as that....RESEPCT for self and respect for others.....you have to give it to get it....
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA
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Sorry, but I forgot this priceless jewel, "I know it is none of my business, but ...."
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA
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