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What kinds of things are important to know about your future marriage partner before you say, "I do"? (662 hits)

Hello friends. My name is Brother Marcus and I host the Internet Radio Program, "The Brother Marcus Show" My show can be accessed by simply clicking this link: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/brothermarcus... Over the last few weeks we have been discussing male / female relationships and this week we wanted to explore this topic, "The Valuable Process of Courting; What do we need to know about our partner before we say I do?" I'm very interested in your opinion on this topic. Please feel free to post and share to enhance my understanding on this topic...

Posted By: Brother Marcus!
Tuesday, August 19th 2008 at 2:19PM
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I needed to know how he treated HIS MAMA...AND how SHE treated him. Was the bond natural or could I just picture myself going to blows with her for his affections? Was she the kind of mother who would uphold him in ANYTHING and blame me for EVERYTHING? (This matters, especially if you live in close proximity). How he deals with situations with his mother...how he interacts...how much of your business he shares, etc., all matter.

MEN, watch her relationship with her father. Does he treat her like a pampered princess? Does he give her WHATEVER she wants, no matter what it costs him or how much he has to sacrifice it? If so, THAT PASSES ON TO YOU WHEN YOU BECOME HER HUSBAND. Find out if that is her expectation. Does he require her to work for what she wants? Is there a balance between indulging and earning her keep? Here's the point, whatever she's getting from Daddy because your responsibility to provide, so hopefully, the woman you're marrying has a father who had the sense to provide a BALANCED LIFESTYLE to his "baby."

Is he AT ALL interested in OTHER MEN???????? Did I need to concern myself with the "down low" mentality?"

Is he a s*x FIEND??? Or better yet, is his s*x drive on overdrive? (My husband and I didn't have premarital s*x, but a large part of the reason was because neither of us had s*x as a vice. Our intimacy was rooted in God and our communication. Sure we cuddled and hugged and things like that, but no intercourse...not at all).

It's important to understand the s*x factor (or the vice factor). Everyone has a vice. Find out what hers is. Find out what his is. If it's s*x, be totally honest about whether or not you will bend to accommodate him/her. I *****PERSONALLY KNOW TWO COUPLES***** where one gave the other lip service about s*x. What happened? The marriages are suffering.

Ladies, if you know he's a freak and he ain't made it a secret, but you also know YOU'RE NOT, be fair and LET THE MAN KNOW. ****Do NOT say whatever you have to say to become his wife. You WILL regret. (If s*x is his vice, you will absolutely regret it). And it doesn't mean the marriage will be based on s*x...it just means that that's one part of marriage that is VERY IMPORTANT TO HIM.

MEN, if you know SHE'S a FREAK and you're not, DON'T LEAD HER TO BELIEVE YOU WILL SWING FROM THE CHANDELIERS ***WHEN*** you get married. Don't do it. It will cause problems. ..to her self-esteem AND YOURS...in both cases. It will cause a divide and can be that first factor to drive a wedge between you.

You also have to be mindful of whether or not each of you will play traditional marriage roles (woman- domestic goddess, caregiver; man-- provider). If you're a couple who's planning on having traditional roles, WOMAN, don't give the script that you'll cook, clean, etc., ***as soon as you're his wife***. I know at least one woman who has made this guarantee and has barely lifted a finger to do anything since she got married.

So, talk about your roles...openly.

*****TALK ABOUT YOUR FINANCES***** Talk about how you will handle your finances...who will pay what bills...if it will be a joint effort....whether you will joint or separate accounts....how bills will be divided...or IF they will be divided, etc.

Talk seriously about whether each of you wants children and DON'T LIE.

These are just some of things you should be talking about before you get married.
Tuesday, August 19th 2008 at 4:27PM
Dee Gray

This response is from a woman's perspective....and by the way...I agree with Dee! :))

What are his values? Is his name and character important to him? Is he gainfully employed? Is he responsible? Are you spiritually compatible? How does he handle anger? How does he resolve conflict? Is he willing to grow? Does he have discipline to control his passions? How does he treat people? Does he keep his word? How does he feel about having children or taking care of yours, if you have any? Is he able to delay gratification? Is his ego in check? I'm sure I can come up with more...but this is a good start for all the single ladies.
Tuesday, August 19th 2008 at 6:26PM
Dr. Carolyn Clansy Miller

1. Who will be the wise steward with the finances?
2. Is he tidy or sloppy?
3. Is his family tidy or sloppy?
4. Is he Independent or dependent?
5. Is he secure or insecure?
6. Is he Christian or non Christian?
7. Does he have an updated will? or will he object to getting a will?
Most everything else can work itself out I think. We've been at it for while now.
Esther
Tuesday, August 19th 2008 at 10:23PM
Esther Pinkston

GREAT QUESTION!!!!
The whole point of "courting" was to get to know each other on a deeper level. Before the JOP shows up, and rings and vows xchanged, EPgot one very important one, stewardship of the finances. Another is, this is a life long commitment, ARE YOU BOTH CERTAIN that you agree to abide by the terms presented in the union contract? To have and to hold? y/n? For RICHER OR POORER? Y/N? IN SICKNESS (this one is highly underestimated) and in HEALTH? y/n? FORSAKING ALL OTHERS? Y/N? TILL DEATH DO YOU PART? Y/N? Find out the sicknesses you both may suffer. Much of marriage is learned, it's all part of 2 becoming 1. All men suffer from testosterone! It's what drives them. They can't help but love the appearance of the female body. (some the male body, but that's another topic altogether) It is only when a man feels he can be "naked" in front of HIS woman, and feel it is safe, that all the others fade. Even his mama don't know EVERYTHING about him. He and God are the only one's who do. Are you willing to accept him for what he is? He's just a man. Are you willing to accept him for what he can do? He's only human. Are you willing to take an honest look at your own habits and see how they appear from the other's perspective, and are you willing to make a change? THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO UNDERSTAND BEFORE SAYING I DO IS THAT NEITHER OF YOU WILL BE THE SAME PERSON EVER AGAIN!!! Drop all expectations of what you think the relationship will become. Do the math...1+1=1. That does not mean that one changes and the other dos not. Both change and become something new.
Sunday, September 14th 2008 at 4:26PM
Lesley Knight

Thank you for your very powerful post! Keep on writing!
Sunday, September 14th 2008 at 5:00PM
Brother Marcus!

Are we really friends under the surface?
Thursday, April 10th 2014 at 6:47PM
ROBINSON IRMA