As I hurried to help my husband get dressed at 5AM this morning to get to his 6AM Dialysis appointment while intermittently checking on my Mom and giving her 6AM meds all I could think about was I must set the Alarm earlier for next time.
As I was driving back from the Dialysis Unit I could not help but feel like I've felt this way before but, when? What is this feeling? I feel like I've lost something and I don't know what it is? I'm not sick, Ben's getting better and better day by day, Mom is steady as she goes, so what is it?
Then a revelation came. It's me. It's me. It's me Oh Lord, standing in the need of prayer. Not my Mother, not my husband but, it's me Oh Lord, standing in the need of prayer. I'm in recovery.
Years ago, we were in a drug war. It turned my house upside down. As a Lady Evangelist we minister to so many with various needs. You shed tears with others and comfort them with the love of God which He supplies. You seem to always have the right scripture and the right prayer and the right words at the right time.
Then it happens to you and you are the one being ministered to.
You are hearing the same scriptures and the same prayers and the same words at the hope to be right time, and yet you have this feeling of "What"?
Could it be that you are in recovery?
Could it be that you need a moment to digest it all?
When I hear about the reformed addict and how excited he and every one is for their reformed life, I can't help but rejoice. To see a sister of mine in the Lord now who I once ministered to in Jail Ministry doing absolutely fantastic. We could not be more proud of her. New family, restored family, College Grad., New Home, New Car, in the Ministry your name it. She is one of our Model Success Stories and I'm waiting on her book serioulsy.
Yet, it took her sons and daughter a moment to catch up. They had to recover from before. They had to rebuild. I had to rebuild.
We've just jumped another HUGE hurdle and THANKS TO GOD OUR FATHER AND JESUS OUR LORD AND SAVIOR for allowing us to land safely. Now, I realize I must recover. Most would say take a vacation. That would be the thing. However, caregiving must continue while I recover. It must happen a bit at a time. God provide routes of escape for us. This is not a pity party I'm sharing friends. However, there could be some one else that is experiencing something similar and would like to share how you over came and rebuilded.
Thanks for your support,
Esther (866-751-9446)
PS. Pastors, Teachers & Leaders don't forget to order your free CD's. If you have ordered and received please let us know asap.
Posted By: Esther Pinkston
Wednesday, October 8th 2008 at 7:00AM
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