Is There An Unspoken Code of Conduct for African Americans to be Better than other Ethnic Groups?

Dear Jen:


I guess I fall into the “stumble upon this site” category—“God forbid it if any other non Black people happen to stumble upon this site --- to ever see the Truth of how we really behave.”


As one of the very few white folks active on this site—and who loves, treasures and values the comments, challenges, interactions and friendships I have made on this site, I feel I can offer a valid comment on at least some of your points.


First—about the “Truth of how we really behave.”


I have been around large numbers of black folks all my adult life. I taught in Harlem for eight years and I can say that I am one of the very few white people who has experienced what almost every black person has had to face—being the ONLY one in a room of dozens of people whose skin color looks different than mine.


And I was very much blessed by this experience because I learned that skin color doesn’t really matter. When the teaching staff got together we met as colleagues to discuss how we can better serve the students. How you look didn't matter--it was what was in your heart that mattered. The only important question was--were you there for the students?


The main point I want to make is this: I have been in mostly black groups, mostly white groups and mixed groups where everyone had an opportunity to speak their mind.


In every case there was a diversity of opinion.

Some folks made dumb remarks, some folks made brilliant remarks.

Some folks took a lot of words to say nothing and some folks were too shy to do anything more than nod their heads.


Some people challenged us with new thinking.


Some people said things to get people angry.


Some people used words to hurt. Some people used words to heal.


Some people offered words to teach. Some people offered tired old clichés that were easy to dismiss.


Some people said things that were annoying and obnoxious. Some people said things that were admirable and wonderful.


Some people showed their immature need for attention, even negative attention.

Other people showed their leadership skills, reason and great powers of persuasion to change other’s minds.


In my experience, all of the above describes every large community, white, black and mixed.


It also describes this site.


In a community where there is a diversity of opinion, the result will be…a diversity of opinion. That may be a tautology but it is true.



So to get back to my point about your comment about: the “Truth of how we really behave”—my answer is: just like any other collection of people with different opinions who speak their minds.


Now—having said that—there are people on this site who offering blogs and comments to teach, to build people up, to make better, to uplift. And there are people on this site who tear others down, who try to provoke conflict, anger, offense and insult. They lower the standard of conversation so that it goes someting like this:


“MY WAY IS BETTER!”


“SAYS WHO?”


“SAYS ME.”


“PROVE IT.”


“BECAUSE I SAID SO.”


In my opinion, they are entitled to express their views as well. However, anyone is perfectly free to dispute their conclusions, call them out on inaccuracies or just to ignore them. That is part of the free market of ideas.


I think this is an exciting, enriching, diverse, intellectually vibrant community where you never know what gems or what clunkers may come up next. The quality of the offerings is greatly uneven. And the reason for that is because…we are all HUMAN!!!!


And that, in my opinion, is what makes us FAMILY after all. And as everyone knows, can anyone name any group of people who fights more often or more vigorously than FAMILY???

PEACE AND BLESSINGS,
Rich

[So to get back to my point about your comment about: the “Truth of how we really behave”—my answer is: just like any other collection of people with different opinions who speak their minds.]

I honestly felt a sense of relief just reading your comment, because its what I believe in my heart of hearts. I'm a human being with unique gifts, talents, desires, and quirks which makes me different.

I like to sleep with the fan on in winter and cover myself under all the covers.

The noise from the fan makes me sleep. I like to put ice in my cereal.

I like to eat gummy bears and walnuts at Christmas time.

I like watching old musical of Ginger Rogers and Fred Astare.

I like Mom's Mabley Stand Up Comedy.

I like Bob Marley Music.

This is who I am as a Black Woman born in the African American Ethnic group.

[And, again thank you so much for this blog so that we can share teaching and learning and I get to be able to give this little story...]

It's my pleasure Sister Irma if I am permitted to call you my sister and mother as well as an outstanding elder on this site. ((wink-- wink)) You know I love you!!

YES WE CAN!!!

Yes We Can & We Will!

Brother Clark,

Thanks for explaining what I have observed so many times in my life about the
"African American Unspoken Code of Conduct" because the explanation confirms to me that I'm not imagining things & above all, "I'm not losing my mind afterall."

[etc. ad nauseum]

I like this--- I will add this one to my list.

Last thing is you hit the nail on the head when you stated

...everyone on BIA has a right to speak our minds but even those people need to understand that free speech is a two way street...

I will add just because we're on the internet doesn't mean you can say inflammatory stuff and not expect to get called on it.

"Most young ones don't care about black history because their future seems non and void "

How could you say that? This is the problem right here. Like one brother above said, "some people used words to hurt. Some people used words to heal." Most young people are trying so hard to make a better world for themselves in the midst of all our chaos in this country. It is true that most young people don't want to look backwards because of the negativity that our people have been through and who can blame them. It is one's choice to study the word of their ancestors or move on to what lies ahead. But under no circumstances they are obliged to re-live the life of their ancestors. We as parents/grown ups should try to highlight the growth our young people are making. I'd like to talk about the three gold medals that a young black man from a single mom just picked up at the winter olympics. I'd like to talk about the little girl that studied on the streets of Los Angeles and made it to Harvard. These are the things we should be writing about. Our problem as black folks is that we do not join forces enough to help build but we do join forces to help break down. If we could find a way to help our neighbor elevate himself then given time our race will be as powerful as any in the US. But until then, we will continue to keep blaming the white man, the hispanic man and the asian man and every other man for our woes and failure.
Hi Jen, how are you?

Jen, now that that lecture is over "I" will tell you someting that I was going to put in a blog, but now I will save it until the 28th since I have made a lier out of me and I gave the answer yesterday...Jen, again thank you for allowing me and others those teaching points, because we have got to learn WHO AND WHAT WE ARE BECAUSE TOO, TOOMUCH OF HTIS HAS BEEN TAUGHT OUT OF US UNDER BRAIN WASHING...NOW THAT WORD BRAIN WASHING IS WHY "we Buddhist are different but not 'deficient' because our religious teachings and belief in our selves as havin the power to control cause and effect and it is wrong to put this on G-O-D as a way of not accepting our own causes and effect we contribut in and to our environment..to make ever p;ace you fine your sel in made into a Buddha land is only saying make you enviornment safe, happy and secrue, because this is your job so stop blaming God for the condition you are in...

Jen, this is why when I first bagan praciting the Buddhism (that I never put religion on it, because when I practiced a "religion" it taught me to be prejudice, you see I was Catholic and those protestants wer low call and practicing the wrong religion and the christians pass this on to the Jews and the Jews th Muslim and we keep allof this fight to kill off civilization in the name of religion because our God is bigger, righter and badder...any way at the beginning I thought people were crazy for saying when I cam to them, "congradulations younow have something to chant about...which means go pray for the streath to get rid of you oblsticle because both of you can not be in power at the same time...THIS WAS ON ME NOT GOD OR SOCIETY TO ACCOMPLISH BECAUS ONLY "i" AM THE EXPERT ON iRMA...jEN YOU HAVE KNOW ME TO BE SAYING THIS SINCE i HAVE BEEN ON THIS SITE,,,SO IT WAS NOT ME THAT HAD THE PROBLEM WITH THIS IT WAS YOU, JEN...I LOST RESPECT FOR YOUR INSISTING TO HAVE A CLOSED MIND TO ANY TRUTH OR REALITY BUT YOUR...AND JEN, BECAUSE YOU BECAME CATHOLIC BY YOUR OWN CHOICE i WAS ALLOWING MY SLEF TO GO INTO THOSE LOWERE 4 WORLDS THAT I HAD POSTED JUST YESTERDAY...

YOU SEE IT WAS NOT UNTIL I WAS AT THIS STUDY THAT "i' AM INCHARGE OF ONCE EVER MONTH THAT "i REALIZED THAT IT WAS THINGS SAID IN BLOGS BY CLARK AND MS M.B. THAT I COULD NOT RECOGNIZE FULLY UNTIL I CAME OUT OF THERE AND WAS ABLE TO NOT ONLY SE, BUT TO ADMIT TOMYSELF TAHT I HAD DRIFTED RTIGHT BACK INTO MY FULL BLOWN NEEDS TO DISCRIMINAT AGAINST CHRISTANITY THAT I THOUGHT WHAT I HAD LEARNED SINCE BEING ON THE SITE I WAS DOING YET ONCE AGAIN...

THIS IS ALSO WHY I CAN USE THOSE 19 WORLDS IN MY DAILY LIFE BECAUSE THEY ARE JUST THERE TO TEACH UP IT IS ALRIGHT TO HAVE HUMAN BEHAVIORS AND BECAUSE THESE ARE TIMPRARY THEN YOU HAD BETTER TRY TO STAN IN THE ONE THAT ARE N OT SELF DISTRUCTIONS...

NOW I HOPE THAT IF NOTHING ELSE THAT YOU AND I AND EVERY WILL CONTINUE TO DIALOGE TO SHOW OUR DIFFERENCE AND WHO KNOWS MAYBE THIS WILL REPLACE US HAVINT THESE 9 YEARS OF WAR...WE HAVEE FOUND PEACE WITH IN EACH OTHERS IN LES THAN ONE WEEK.(SMILE) AND LETS ALL BE PROUD THAT WE ARE ALL MEMBERS OF THE HUMAN FAMILY...

LOVE AND RESPECT AND OBSESSION WIT OUR SELF OR OTHER IS NOT THE SAME THING...

YES WE CAN...how about a group,AMEN AND A "YO" YELL.LOOOOOOOOL(DID NOT EDIT AGAIN MUST GO SEE THIES SOUND BITES OF bILL o'rEILLY PUTTING pALIN UNDER THE BUS...)

**************so sorry I failed to completly explain the I am the Black race(also why I put "I" when I am speaking about me on a persoanl level)...Because my culture is mother -centered IT says, "THE FEMALE CARRYS THE WEIGHT OF OUR W-H-O-L-E RACE ON HER SHOULDERS...

and, if "I" may add this is why we should never, ever break off our direct connections from the Mother Land, because Africa is where we learned the art of survival skills.(smile)

And, again thank you so much for this blog so that we can share teaching and learning and I get to be able to give this little story...

ONE DAY IN CLASS AT UCD WE WERE DISCUSSING THE COLOR BLIND SOCIETY WOULD HELP END RACISM...THIS TEEN WHITE FEMALE SAID, "I DO NOT SEE SKIN COLOR" AND TO THIS A YOUNGE BLACK MALE TEEN'S REPLY WAS," BLACK IS A PART OF MY IDENTITY WHITE GIRL AND I WILL NEVER ALLOW YOU OR ANYONE ELSE TO TAKE AWAY MY IDENTITY"................BOTH WERE RIGHT AS IN THE BIBLE AND MOTHER NATURE, BUT WRONG IN A SOCIETY THAT SAYS FREEDOM OF _____________________________________AND THEN DOES EVERY THING TO PREVENT THESE VERY FREEDOMS! (SMILE)

I have a tee shirt that says, BLACK BY NATURE, PROUD BY CHOICE....

NOW THIS IS MY TEE SHIRT SAYING TO THE PUBLIC, "I " DO NOT NEED SOCIAL LAWS, PUBLIC OPINIONS (be they positive or negative) GIVING ME PERMISSION TO LOVE AND RESPECT MY SelF TO KNOW my self worth, WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY OR SAD OR A CONSTRUCTIVE CITIZEN IN MY LOCAL COMMUNITY, ECT.

"I" know this because "I" am far greater to me, my family and friends for my character then the color of my skin.(smile)

AS A BLACK FEMALE AND AS A MOTHER AND A ROLE MODEL FOR THE LAST AND THIS GENERATION, NOT BECAUSE OF SOCIAL RULINGS BUT MY CULTURE "i" am the Black race...AND FOR THOSE WHO DOES NOT KNOW TAHT I HAVE A DEGREE IN BLACK CULTURE AS WELL AS HISTORY...AND BECAUSE I LEARNED THAT EXPRESSION ABOUT MY CULTURE IN COLLEGE ...

MANY, MANY THINGS ABOUT MY CULTURE AND ABOUT THINGS FROM MOTHER NATURE ABOUT HOW THE HUMAN BEING ...

SEE THE WORLD THROUGH THE E-Y-E-S OF THEIR CULTURE, AND THE BEST EXAMPLE I CAN GIVE IS BLACK PEOPLE DO NOT PASS DOWN LEARNING HOW TO COOK ANOTHER RACE-CULTURE'S ( and not skin color) FOOD...I WAS NOT RAISED ON FAST FOOD breakfast NOR MEXICAN OR GERMAN OR ENGLISH DISHES. (smile)

Jen, as long as you continue to ahve your self to only take part of what "I" say in order to satisy ane ego trip the this is on you. You see I am trying so hard to keep my self out of those lower four of the ten worlds in Buddhism and because Buddhism teaches that theonly person taht I can change is myself, I have never ever tried to limit or take away any of the freedoms that I want /beleive "I" should have myself then you will never beable to understand my side of any dialogue / truths/ reality...

Also, theone thing I always say is "I"n never accept an apology for a person's learning something wheater "I' agree or disagree with what they learn...

I have said this to you to see that from my point of view you in that comment to Irma was to the Irma that Jen created and not the one that is only on this site to educate (from an African-centered point of view BIA)and to learn my self how to become a better and more informed person...or in other words if you are talking to the Irma that is actually typing this "I" can not speak for you in any way, because "I" have no intrested in runing your life. (smile)...

Now to the reason i came back to this blog... Richard as 'science'/logic's ( saying one must step into the others shoes ) requires a control group to help qualify its "expertees" in a scien tific matter they use a control group..

I f I may call on you to be a control group would you answer this question as yet one more teaching tool????

Richard you being White as being an "ETHNIC GROUP" do you in any way believe that being proud of who you are comes from self-esteem or "just believing you are better than????????????????????...thanks and (smile)

FOR ANY AND ALL HWO HAVE NO IDEA WHAAT BLACK HISTORY MONTHS IS FOR IT IS FOR PASSING ON THE PARTAON OF HOW WE SURVIVE, P-E-R-O-I-D AND TO PASS LITTLE BITS SO WISDOMS SO THAT YOU CAN BETTER UNDERSTAND AT LEAST BY THE TIME THE WORST THING YOU CAN EVER BELEAD TO ACCEPT TAHT WE ARE VIOLENT PEOPLE OR LOUD PEOPLE OF LAZY PEOPLE...BUT JUST THE OPPOSIT OF THIE AND BE PROUD THATYOU ARE.

HERE IS HOW WE HELP OURSELVES BE OUR OWN WORST ENEMY :

THE BLACKS ARE VIOLENT, LOOK HOW VIOLENT THEY ARE SI ACEPTED BY US UNTIL WE HAVE BEEN LED TO BELIEVE THAT WE AR SUPPOSE TO CALL THE POLICE AND REPORT CHILD ABUSE WHEN OUR PARNETS DARE TO SPANK OUR BEHINDS....mY gENERATION...

i AM GOING TO BEAT YOU ASS EACH TIME YOU GET THE NERVE THAT YOU CAN ACT LIKE THE WHITEMAN...Y-E-S "A-C-T"!!!!!! AND THE SIMPLE RATIONAL WAS AND STILL IS TRUE...WHEN THE COURT GIVES THE WHITE HAND A SLAP ON THE THAND THEY ARE GOING TO CUT YOURS OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!...SEE HOW YOUR GENERATION HAS TURNED ACT LIKE THE WHITE MAN AS SOMETHING TO BE USED AGAINST YOU???(i AM NOT SMILING)

MY GENARATION...
YES WE HAVE SUCH BIG FAMILYS BECAUSE NOT ONLY DO WE NOT ABORT, WEH SOMETIMES HAVE TO YELL JUST TO BE HEARD DURING A FRIENLY COMMUNICATION EXCAHNGE...

yoU GENERATION HAS BEEN LED TO BELIEVE WHE ABORT AND WE HAVE RECORD PREGANANT TEENS...THIS IS BECAUSE ONLYLIVE BIRTS ARE COUNTED NOT TOSE THAT HAVE BEEN ABORTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


MY GENERATION AND ALL BEFORE THE GOVERNMENT HID THESE RECORDS TO KEEP THSESLAZY MYTHS ALIVE...

YOUR GENERATION HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT HOW IN aFRICA IS IS SO HOT THAT IF YOU TRY TO BE OUT THERE IN THAT HOT SUN YOU WILLHAVE A HEAT STROK AND THISIS THE BEST THING THAT YOU CAN GET FOR BEING OUT THERE...BESIDES HOW MUCH HOUSE TIME DOES IT TAKE TO CLEAN A HOUSE THAT YOU CNA CARRY ON YOUR BACKS??????????????????????????????. wHAT IME OF CLOCK TO TELL THE MINITUE TO STOP DOING WHAT IT TAKES TO FEED AND CLOTHE YOUR SELF IF YOU AR E HUNTERS AND GATHERS...HAS BEEN TAUGHT TO YOU FOR THE VERY SAME REASON...KEEP YOU IGNORANT OF YOU HISTORY THEN YOU KNOW NO OF YOU CULTURE AND METHODS THAT HAS KEEP YOU ALIVE SINCE BEFORE WHITE PEOPLE WERE INVENTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND, IF YOU DON'T KNOW THIS THEN PLEASE SOME TIMES BETWEEN THE SCHOOL YEAR WHERE YOU ARE BING TAUGHT YOUR HISTORY AND THEREFORE YOU SELF WORTH PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE FOR YOUR CHILDREN AND THEIR CHILDREN'S CHILDREN LEAR A LITTLE ABOUT YOUR aFRICAN-CENTERED BIA AND STAY AWAY FOR TV TAUGHT BLACK IN AMERICA FOR THEIR SAKE...

THIS IS SPEICALLY FOR MY CHILDREN ON THIS SITE BECAUS E MY DUTY AND MY PLEASEUE IS TO BE A FULL TIME PROTECTOR OF MY CHILDREN BECAUSE THEY ARE THE FUTURE OF OUR RACE.(SMILE)