Can We Skip Dating…. And Go Straight To The Altar?
By Black Love And Marriage.com on April 4, 2012
In Ask The Maat's (Videos),Singles & Dating
VIDEO: BLAM Fam..check out the below question from a viewer and let us and her know what you think.
Aiyana and Ayize, I have a question…or predicament that I’d like your input on. After yet another failed dating scenario, I have decided to step back and take some time to myself to reflect on my contribution to my failed relationships and almost-relationships. After hearing a sermon at church, one of the things that really struck a chord with me was when my pastor mentioned that women were not intended to be girlfriends or baby mommas…we were intended to be wives.
When thinking about my past relationships and especially the most recent one, where the man told me I was ready to be “wifey” way sooner than he was even thinking about playing the reciprocal role, I realized it was a trend. Some of my closest friends have told me part of the problem is that I give too much too soon…I am ready to trust and support and give to my last for the man I care about, instead of allowing him to court me and earn the privilege. I would have to agree with them.
Also, I have realized that I am not as committed to dating as I am to marriage. I know that sounds odd, seeing as how I have never been married. Basically, I don’t feel like I have to deal with anyone’s crap while I am dating…it’s easier to get out, to leave the situation. I will tell my friends “if I am not married to him I have no obligation to deal with anything I don’t want to. Only with my husband will I feel obligated to make it work”.
So, Ayize & Aiyana…what can I do when I’m not committed to dating and move to quickly to ever actually allow a relationship to grow at a steady and natural pace to end up in marriage?
In Ask The Maat's (Videos),Singles & Dating
VIDEO: BLAM Fam..check out the below question from a viewer and let us and her know what you think.
Aiyana and Ayize, I have a question…or predicament that I’d like your input on. After yet another failed dating scenario, I have decided to step back and take some time to myself to reflect on my contribution to my failed relationships and almost-relationships. After hearing a sermon at church, one of the things that really struck a chord with me was when my pastor mentioned that women were not intended to be girlfriends or baby mommas…we were intended to be wives.
When thinking about my past relationships and especially the most recent one, where the man told me I was ready to be “wifey” way sooner than he was even thinking about playing the reciprocal role, I realized it was a trend. Some of my closest friends have told me part of the problem is that I give too much too soon…I am ready to trust and support and give to my last for the man I care about, instead of allowing him to court me and earn the privilege. I would have to agree with them.
Also, I have realized that I am not as committed to dating as I am to marriage. I know that sounds odd, seeing as how I have never been married. Basically, I don’t feel like I have to deal with anyone’s crap while I am dating…it’s easier to get out, to leave the situation. I will tell my friends “if I am not married to him I have no obligation to deal with anything I don’t want to. Only with my husband will I feel obligated to make it work”.
So, Ayize & Aiyana…what can I do when I’m not committed to dating and move to quickly to ever actually allow a relationship to grow at a steady and natural pace to end up in marriage?
Although I like the Ma'at's, I partially disagree with them on this notion. I think the young lady who wrote in needs to focus on courting someone who is equally marriage minded. The problem with many men today quite simply is that they aren't marriage minded nor are they marriage material... and that goes for those 'in da church'. Many of them have a 'pop culture' worldview and aren't interested in marriage. And for those men, I say hey... to dat!
I really don't think the young lady who wrote in is wrong except in one area... she's spending time with the wrong people. If she's a church going person, she needs to ask God for someone who is interested in marriage to cross her path. Plain and simple. If it was necessary to date someone before marrying them, them many of the marriage in the Middle East and African countries should fail. Western culture and pop culture calls for dating for 20 years before a man knows who is the ONE. Puleeze.