STEPHEN COLBERT’S GENERAL’S HOSPITAL: THIS ISN’T JUST A LOVE TRIANGLE. IT’S A LOVE PENTAGON.

Stephen Colbert: The s*x scandal is all anyone in Washington can talk about. I wonder why the country is in financial ruin! This isn’t just a love triangle, folks. It’s a love PENTAGON! But now it’s all over.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, the sultry vixen appears.

Susan Lucci: Oh, this is far from over, Stephen…Oh yes! And there’s more. General Petraeus has developed amnesia. And can’t remember that he is…pregnant…by his own evil twin…who is in a coma…and is my lover.

Watch Susan Lucci smack Colbert after he says: “that doesn’t make any sense…”