Who’s Giving Your Spouse Advice and Why You Should Be Concerned
BY: Tiya Cunningham-Sumter - 17 Jul '14 | Marriage
Black and Married With Kids.com
A Positive Image of Marriage & Family
Communication is one of biggest challenges for most couples. Many of us struggle with understanding how our spouse receives and exchanges information. This of course leads to frustration. When a spouse feels they are unable to connect with their partner, they usually look to others in their circle to provide guidance. What they fail to realize is not all counsel is wise. People sometimes have their own agenda, unfortunately. Not everyone who claims to care about us as individuals is a supporter of our marriage. They may think they’re advising properly, but if they don’t respect the sanctity of marriage, married individuals can’t afford to receive what they’re offering.
Being selective on who we gather information from is important. The same is true for our partners. It’s unrealistic to think our spouse won’t share the details of our marriage with a trusted friend or loved one. When they feel they are unable to communicate with us, the person they do confide in must be a friend of the marriage, not just the individual. We can lovingly make a request of our spouse on who they listen to about the business of marriage. If you are unsure who your spouse should avoid when it comes to marriage advice, here are a few:
The bitter friend who struggles with relationships
If all of their relationships have failed, what could they possibly teach someone else about marriage. Their view of relationships is skewed and some of that bitterness will definitely creep into their advice.
The in-laws who weren’t supportive of the marriage
This group of people usually have an agenda. While they are able to support their loved one, they aren’t as able to be objective where the marriage as a whole is concerned. Their advice will almost always be focused on an “I told you so” type of approach.
The person who always breaks relationship rules
The habitual cheater doesn’t truly understand the concept of commitment. How can they advise someone on saving a marriage when they don’t even value the one they’re in? Again, they may mean well, but it’s hard to take their advice with any seriousness when they aren’t walking the talk.
Ultimately, we should be communicating with and confiding in our spouse. I understand that won’t always be feasible. We have friends for a reason. They love us, support us and sometimes advise us on the issues of love. However, we must be selective when it comes to receiving information regarding our marriage and we have to guide our spouse into doing the same.
BMWK, who do you receive advice from regarding your marriage?
About the author
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 342 articles on this blog.
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and a Career Coach/Trainer. She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Ebony Magazine, Essence.com and on the Michael Baisden Show. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children. For more of Tiya's fearless life and love wisdom, visit her blog at www.theboldersister.com
Black and Married With Kids.com
A Positive Image of Marriage & Family
Communication is one of biggest challenges for most couples. Many of us struggle with understanding how our spouse receives and exchanges information. This of course leads to frustration. When a spouse feels they are unable to connect with their partner, they usually look to others in their circle to provide guidance. What they fail to realize is not all counsel is wise. People sometimes have their own agenda, unfortunately. Not everyone who claims to care about us as individuals is a supporter of our marriage. They may think they’re advising properly, but if they don’t respect the sanctity of marriage, married individuals can’t afford to receive what they’re offering.
Being selective on who we gather information from is important. The same is true for our partners. It’s unrealistic to think our spouse won’t share the details of our marriage with a trusted friend or loved one. When they feel they are unable to communicate with us, the person they do confide in must be a friend of the marriage, not just the individual. We can lovingly make a request of our spouse on who they listen to about the business of marriage. If you are unsure who your spouse should avoid when it comes to marriage advice, here are a few:
The bitter friend who struggles with relationships
If all of their relationships have failed, what could they possibly teach someone else about marriage. Their view of relationships is skewed and some of that bitterness will definitely creep into their advice.
The in-laws who weren’t supportive of the marriage
This group of people usually have an agenda. While they are able to support their loved one, they aren’t as able to be objective where the marriage as a whole is concerned. Their advice will almost always be focused on an “I told you so” type of approach.
The person who always breaks relationship rules
The habitual cheater doesn’t truly understand the concept of commitment. How can they advise someone on saving a marriage when they don’t even value the one they’re in? Again, they may mean well, but it’s hard to take their advice with any seriousness when they aren’t walking the talk.
Ultimately, we should be communicating with and confiding in our spouse. I understand that won’t always be feasible. We have friends for a reason. They love us, support us and sometimes advise us on the issues of love. However, we must be selective when it comes to receiving information regarding our marriage and we have to guide our spouse into doing the same.
BMWK, who do you receive advice from regarding your marriage?
About the author
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 342 articles on this blog.
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and a Career Coach/Trainer. She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Ebony Magazine, Essence.com and on the Michael Baisden Show. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children. For more of Tiya's fearless life and love wisdom, visit her blog at www.theboldersister.com
Amen. Amen..... Yaiqab diggs this article and just emailed it to Janelle.
One of Janelle's girls I cannot stand because she was spitting some foul sh..tt.. to her about our relationship in the beginning telling her to make sure she checks me properly.
Well... I was like okay "Miss Thang" you messing with the wrong brother because I don't have a feminine spirit.
Ultimately all of that was about misery likes company and of course Janelle saw through it however I was not silent about the situation.
Janelle is my lady and I don't allow my own parents to talk foul about her unless there is undeniable evidence to the contrary... you dig !!!
Now it goes both way my boi Hector stated a few things about his wife that annoyed him, my first verbal reaction was what habits do you have that annoy her???????
He was like bet bro....... because he realized quickly that I was not going to jump on that negative vibration cycle and offer him some "dusty" advise that would cause friction between him and his wife.
So make sure you monitor the advise that your mate gets from another person, if the person is "dusty" then well you need to investigate the rumors and the motivation behind the accusations as well.
I'm out on this !